Disheveled gentleman: Hey, man, can you spare some change? I need a bottle of vodka, a bag of marijuana, and a prostitute. I'm desperate!
–East Village
Overheard by: Matty Mac
Toothless lady on street corner to friend: I ain't never been to jail, I ain't never fucked nobody for money!
–Brooklyn
Older Guido to young hipster: And then you got a fuckin' hooker on your hand, what are you going to to do?
–Mulberry
Overheard by: nina
Clean-cut queer: So she says "where are you going after this?" and I say "I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel and get some sleep" and she says "do you want company?" and I say "well, you're not really my type" and she says "I've got lots of friends… What's your type?" and I say "boys." And she's all, "oh, well, that's nice!" And then she leaves pretty quickly. And my friend says "who was that? Do you know her?" and I say, "no, she's just some very, very, very friendly girl. In a gold lamé cocktail dress. On a Tuesday night."
–6 Train
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Guy on cell: I wish I was in Florida–the hookers down there owe me 8 bucks and a beer!
–Astoria
Archive for the ‘Prostitution’ Category
Your Porn Name Could Be “PhDDD”
College guy: You could always just become a prostitute.
College girl: That's exactly what I want to do with my degree. I've always wanted to be a whore.
–47th St
A Few Sucky Wednesday One-Liners
Brunette woman yelling on cell: Look, I'm 24 fucking years old. If I want to suck dick all day, that's my business!
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: Blank Slater
Girl on cell: First you go, "accckkk… accckkkk" (makes choking sounds) Then you have a mouth fulla cum!
–Madison Ave
Overheard by: I.R.
50-something woman, screaming into cell: Listen, asshole, I'm not some cheap slut you can call whenever you need someone to suck you off, I have a job!
–Penn Station Taxi Line
Black man in phone booth: You better suck that juicy white cock, and get me that perfume, bitch!
–7th Ave & 35th St
What Lubriderm Commercials Are Like in the Netherlands
Old black man: Do you know why my hands are so soft?
White girl: No… Why?
Old black man: Because I'm a pimp, and pimps always have soft hands.
–2 Train
Wednesday-One-Linertitutes
Blonde chick to friend: So I ran into that guy and confronted him. I was like, "why didn't you say hi to me last Friday? I know you saw me, but you didn't say anything. Listen, if you're going to sleep with me Thursday night, you can't just not say hi to me on Friday. I know it's common for a lot of businessmen to sleep with prostitutes and then ignore them the next day when they see them on the street, but they pay them. If you're going to ignore me, fine… but I expect a check in the mail."
–Outside NYU Gramercy Green Residence Hall
Overheard by: Molalala
Girl to friend: Prostitutes don't have negative connotations.
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: anonymous
Drunk 20-something male to two 20-something girls: Is it Jewish tradition to go to Amsterdam when you're 14 to get laid by a black prostitute?
–14th St & 2nd ave
Grad student to girlfriend: You know, it's funny. Before I met you, a skanky girl was just a skanky girl. Since we've been dating, when I see a skanky girl, I have to ask myself, "is she turning tricks?"
–Uris Hall, Columbia University
Overheard by: Wonders how they met
Man to friend, about a woman hailing cab: Wow, she looks really expensive.
–18th & 7th
If the Wednesday Fits, One-Liner It
Young thug to friends: Stop, stop, stop! Stop, seriously, stop. C'mon, I'm not kidding! Seriously. I have shoe phobia!
–Metro-North Rail
Guy with shoe in hand, catching up to woman who lost it: Here you go, Cinderella!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: thorn
Manager of ladies' shoe store: It's easy to close. You put the hooker boots–all this hoochie stuff, with the hooker boots, you put the flats with the flats, you put the day shoes with the day shoes. Now, Narnia over there is another story…
–Macy's
Overheard by: Sarah R
Chick to guy: If you buy me Jimmy Choos, I'll have your baby.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Lets hope she'll have the baby anyway…
Four-year-old girl stepping out of taxi: Mommy, can we go online to buy shoes today?
–Upper West Side
Overheard by: …wow.
It's Enough to Have an Albanian Boyfriend Who Beats Me
20-something girl #1, running into friend: Oh hey!! How are you?
20-something girl #2: Doing so well! It's nice to see you…
(they catch up, and five minutes later)
20-something girl #1, changing the subject without warning: Yeah, I know a lot of Johns.
20-something girl #2, shocked: Oh. Hah… damn, girl! It has been a while. What've you been up to that you know a bunch of Johns?
20-something girl #1, after confused pause: Oh… Oh! I mean I know a lot of people named John. I don't… Well… Yeah. I don't do that.
20-something girl #2, laughing: Oh, good! Girl, I was gonna say, “Well, she used to be kind of a slut, but straight-up prostitution is a little out of character.”
20-something girl #1, laughing: I know, right?
–6 Train
Overheard by: …Did you miss that she just called you a slut?
Besides, Prices Are Always Inflated in the Park.
Hobo #1: I offered that squirrel five cents for sex.
Hobo #2: What's a squirrel going to do with a nickel?
–Central Park
Overheard by: Fogel
Hey, Wednesday, Your One-Liner Is Showing!
Middle-aged woman, angrily on cell: You tell him to go outside right now, and take his clothes off!
–32nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: djlori
Girl to friend: All of a sudden there's a naked man! Like, this doesn't translate well visually.
–Uptown 1 Train
Suit on cell: How about I send you two naked kids to have a good time? Fair enough?
–60th St & Columbus Ave
Overheard by: Stacey V
Girl on phone: Topless anarchy is still anarchy, man.
–5 Train
Short dude to friend: I woke up naked and wrapped in cellophane–again!
–Columbia University
That's What You Said About the Original Becky from Roseanne!
Teenage girl #1: Whatever happened to that ShamWow guy?
Teenage girl #2: I think he got beat up by some prostitutes or something.
–10th & Broadway