An old lady is crossing the street with a small dachshund. As they approach Gray’s Papaya, the woman looks down and asks: Jimmy, did you say you wanted a hot dog? –72nd & Broadway Overheard by: Jonathan
Archive for the ‘Psychic’ Category
As a Hologram-American, I Get That a Lot.
Street fair psychic to sorority girls walking by: Hello, ladies. Can I interest you in a psychic reading? Tarot cards? Palm reading?
Sorority girl: I'm sorry, I don't believe in psychics.
Street fair psychic: Well, I don't believe in you!
–Union Square
Wednesdays Become One-Liner With the Universe
Young child to mother: I am not psychic.
–Downtown B Train
Overheard by: furf
Normal-looking guy: But we have the complexity of magic!
–NYU
Asian Bikram instructor: Listen to your breast and find your inner piss.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Bikram Curious
Thug on cell: You don't know what kind of drugs they gave you, or if you really blacked out. But you have to understand that the spiritual world and the physical world are two different things. (pause) I don't have evidence of a spiritual world. (pause) You know that guy Des-cart? That's his name, right?
–Hunter College
Overheard by: trapped@hunter
Guy on phone: Listen, Julian, you are a shit-ass excuse for a friend. You can lick the peanut butter from between my toes. (pause) Listen, Julian, I'm on the other line with my psychic, let me call you back.
–49th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Lara
That'll Be Five Dollars, Please
Crazy old lady: You're gonna have a bad year.
Guy: Thank you.
Crazy old lady: You're gonna have very bad luck… you could be in the next 9/11.
–7th Ave & 36th St
…When You Stop Hanging Around With Me
Girl #1: What did your astrologer say?
Girl #2: She said I will meet my husband in the next year. He's 6'4″ with salt-and-pepper hair. He has a title but he's not lawyer.
Girl #1: Yeah…and he's a billionaire?
Girl #2: He's not a billionaire but he does well for himself. Oh, also he's French but he speaks seven languages.
Girl #2: Did she say anything about me?
Girl #1: She said your life is gonna go from shitty to alright.
–Holiday Cocktail Lounge, St Mark's & 2nd
Overheard by: wax
…When People Have Written Phone Numbers on Them.
Girl #1: Don't ask me, I'm computer e-literate.
Girl #2: E-literate?
Girl #1: Isn't that a word?
Girl #2: It's “illiterate.”
Girl #1: Well, I can still read palms.
–City College of New York
Or Perhaps That’s After I Cut You and Take Your Wallet
Psychic: So, what’s your major?
Girl: Biomedical engineering.
Psychic, thinking hard: I see you… Working in the medical field… With doctors and nurses perhaps…
–The Village
Overheard by: Wow, she was onto something…
Despite That, the Punch to the Jaw Came As a Surprise
Tourist woman: How do I get to Times Square?
Skinny blonde: Take a train as far north as possible.
Asian male passerby: You do not want to do that.
Tourist woman: Why do New Yorkers always lie?!
Skinny blonde: I’m not from here. I live in L.A. Everyone there lies.
Tourist woman: So how do you know where to go?
Skinny blonde: We’re all psychic, too.
–42nd & 8th
Madame Blavatsky’s Secret Wednesday One-Liners
Frumpy drunk lady to NYU kids: When we were cavemen we were more telepathic.
–Essex Ale House
Overheard by: jen
Ghetto chick arguing with coworker: … And I won’t be dealing with you for the simple fact that I don’t like your aura!
–Memorial Sloan-Kettering Hospital
Overheard by: tricia
Conductor to bewildered passenger who missed his stop: So, you remember when I was sayin’ that if you aren’t in the first five cars the doors wouldn’t open at South Ferry? Well, you weren’t in the first five cars, and the doors didn’t open at South Ferry. I’m fuckin’ psychic like that.
–1 train platform, Rector St
Overheard by: Scott
Girl on date: So it’s really bad, ’cause I’ve got this thinking problem. It’s like, I can’t ever concentrate because I’m just always thinking! … So, let me tell you why numerology cards work best for Scorpios.
–122nd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: HuntingSnark
Big black guy on cell: Hope you meditate yourself into a coma!
–Lawrence St
Wednesday One-Liners Have a Doctor’s Note
Chick to another: She’s a weed-smoking, modern orthodox girl. I mean, I don’t think she goes to her rabbi’s high, but…
–Brooklyn Museum
Overheard by: cole
Professor: … So the art department on the set just smokes pot all day and paints blue boulders.
–Media Productions class, City College
Mini thug: Yo, I wouldn’t even have to be high out of my mind to enjoy this shit!
–Brooklyn Cyclone, Coney Island
Overheard by: Alie
Smoking model on cell: Um, yeah, he’s cute… But, duh — he’s addicted to opiates!
–Houston & Laffayette
Overheard by: Jake
Hobo to girls: How are you smiling in a city filled with a million crackheads?
–56th & 5th
Guy on a rant in front of Imagine mosaic: In my next life I want to be an amoeba! Make more music, smoke more pot… Eating healthily is expensive! We should all have 40 acres and a mule and start all over!
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Overheard by: I’ll have what he’s having