Archive for the ‘Psychic’ Category

Get Outta His Way When He Finds Out the Truth about Santa…

Guy with fliers: Psychic readings! Only 10 dollars! Psychic readings!
Realist: Yo man, if that bitch knows where the money at, why don’t she go get it herself?
Guy, dropping fliers: Word! I’m going to go ask that bitch now! –Union Square Headline by: Allison Runners-Up: · “He’s a regular Nostra-Dumbass” – Smellface · “I see dead presidents!” – The Amazing Gotcharocksoff · “Miss Cleo: Your First Card Is Sucker, The 3 Of Sheisters” – the ace of spades · “That Takes a Pair of Crystal Balls.” – DanK · “We ALL saw that coming” – JP · “While You’re There, Ask Her Where The Leprechaun At” – wookie
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Wednesdays Become One-Liner With the Universe

Young child to mother: I am not psychic. –Downtown B Train Overheard by: furf Normal-looking guy: But we have the complexity of magic! –NYU Asian Bikram instructor: Listen to your breast and find your inner piss. –Park Slope Overheard by: Bikram Curious Thug on cell: You don't know what kind of drugs they gave you, or if you really blacked out. But you have to understand that the spiritual world and the physical world are two different things. (pause) I don't have evidence of a spiritual world. (pause) You know that guy Des-cart? That's his name, right? –Hunter College Overheard by: trapped@hunter Guy on phone: Listen, Julian, you are a shit-ass excuse for a friend. You can lick the peanut butter from between my toes. (pause) Listen, Julian, I'm on the other line with my psychic, let me call you back. –49th St & 8th Ave Overheard by: Lara

…When You Stop Hanging Around With Me

Girl #1: What did your astrologer say?
Girl #2: She said I will meet my husband in the next year. He's 6'4″ with salt-and-pepper hair. He has a title but he's not lawyer.
Girl #1: Yeah…and he's a billionaire?
Girl #2: He's not a billionaire but he does well for himself. Oh, also he's French but he speaks seven languages.
Girl #2: Did she say anything about me?
Girl #1: She said your life is gonna go from shitty to alright. –Holiday Cocktail Lounge, St Mark's & 2nd Overheard by: wax