Archive for the ‘Psychic’ Category

Madame Blavatsky’s Secret Wednesday One-Liners

Frumpy drunk lady to NYU kids: When we were cavemen we were more telepathic.

–Essex Ale House

Overheard by: jen

Ghetto chick arguing with coworker: … And I won’t be dealing with you for the simple fact that I don’t like your aura!

–Memorial Sloan-Kettering Hospital

Overheard by: tricia

Conductor to bewildered passenger who missed his stop: So, you remember when I was sayin’ that if you aren’t in the first five cars the doors wouldn’t open at South Ferry? Well, you weren’t in the first five cars, and the doors didn’t open at South Ferry. I’m fuckin’ psychic like that.

–1 train platform, Rector St

Overheard by: Scott

Girl on date: So it’s really bad, ’cause I’ve got this thinking problem. It’s like, I can’t ever concentrate because I’m just always thinking! … So, let me tell you why numerology cards work best for Scorpios.

–122nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: HuntingSnark

Big black guy on cell: Hope you meditate yourself into a coma!

–Lawrence St

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Doctor’s Note

Chick to another: She’s a weed-smoking, modern orthodox girl. I mean, I don’t think she goes to her rabbi’s high, but…

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: cole

Professor: … So the art department on the set just smokes pot all day and paints blue boulders.

–Media Productions class, City College

Mini thug: Yo, I wouldn’t even have to be high out of my mind to enjoy this shit!

–Brooklyn Cyclone, Coney Island

Overheard by: Alie

Smoking model on cell: Um, yeah, he’s cute… But, duh — he’s addicted to opiates!

–Houston & Laffayette

Overheard by: Jake

Hobo to girls: How are you smiling in a city filled with a million crackheads?

–56th & 5th

Guy on a rant in front of Imagine mosaic: In my next life I want to be an amoeba! Make more music, smoke more pot… Eating healthily is expensive! We should all have 40 acres and a mule and start all over!

–Strawberry Fields, Central Park

Overheard by: I’ll have what he’s having

Maybe You Should Find Out What That Means, First

Female suit #1: So, last night I was on this website…
Female suit #2, eagerly: Was it MySpace?
Female suit #1: No, it was Smatchy.
Female suit #2, disappointed: Oh…
Female suit #1: What’s wrong?
Female suit #2: I’ve been taking these clairvoyance classes, but I don’t think they’re working.

–L train

Nothing Says Healthy Relationship Like Self-Loathing

Jamaican girl: You know what I think about a lot? I think I must have been white in my past life, but I must have done something really, really horrible to get stuck in this black body.
Boyfriend: Jeez, you do think about that a lot.
Jamaican girl: Oh, not 90 percent of the time. Just 10 percent.

–Subway to Archer Ave

Overheard by: Just a girl

Wednesday One-Liners Always Thought Slim Goodbody Was Hot

Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!

–Brooklyn bound F train

Overheard by: PoisonIvy Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!

–1 train Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…

–1 train

Overheard by: sara n. Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!

–18th & Park

Overheard by: edward Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!

–Wooster & Broome Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them. –Fordham Overheard by: Jess McGins Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry. –23rd & 6th

Wednesday One-Liners Are Black and White and Read All Over

White girl on cell: Wait, you’re watching BET? Well, do you feel black and/or entertained? –Union Square Overheard by: Casey Black guy: So you see, white bitches just don’t understand that I have a big ass penis. –St. Mark’s Teenage black girl: See those buildings over there? That’s where I stay. Yeah, it’s nice and shit. I like it. Too many white people moved in, though. That’s why I’m KKK…Krazy Kracker Killa! –Uptown 1 train Overheard by: aq Black guy to white girl: You’d better not stay in the rain too long; sugar melts! –117th & 5th Overheard by: robin b JAP: It’s not like I don’t like his parties, I just don’t fit in. Hello! I’m white! –8th St & 5th Ave Black guy: Well I have black friends, but they just don’t understand. You know what I’m sayin’? Certain races, dog. –LIRR Overheard by: Jess McGins Ghetto girl: What was these two white bitches doing in Harlem at 2:30 in the morning? You know how white they was? They so white they names was Ashley and Haley. That’s how white they was! –Uptown 5 train Midwestern tourist points to a black guy and says, to his tween daughter: You see that guy over there? You see how he’s a different color than you? You see that sometimes in big cities. –Downtown 6 train Overheard by: Gwen Black girl to black friend: Yo, man, you’re acting like a black person. –N train, Ditmars Blvd, Queens Juicer: Oh, shit! We got customers in the store! We gotta stop acting so black! –Jamba Juice, University Place Frustrated woman, who has been trying in vain to hail a cab: What am I, black? –21st & 6th Black girl to black friend: We never gonna get a cab unless we start hangin’ with some white folks. –Orchard & Houston Overheard by: white folk Teenage girl: But Bob Dylan is Jewish. That’s kind of black. –Upper West Side Black girl: Why we gotta be black all the time? Why can’t we be white for two minutes? –Wendy’s, W 34th St JAP: I hate being white! –66th & Broadway White teen girl: Now I know what it feels like to be a minority. –Chinatown White woman to black woman: I feel like I understand the black struggle because I feel I was black in a past life. –Penn Station Thug on cell: Black people like catfish also, nigga! –110th & Broadway Overheard by: Mappy and Chocolate Ghetto girl at crosswalk: Ooh, lil’ white man tells me to walk, so I’m walkin’! –Times Square Overheard by: bully