Guy: No shit. You’re a psychic? Uh… make a prediction or something.
Psychic: It’s going to rain tomorrow.
Guy: Wow. So you’re the real deal, huh? Weather straight from the source.
Psychic: Well, that, and I check weather dot com.
–R train
Archive for the ‘Psychic’ Category
Maybe You Should Find Out What That Means, First
Female suit #1: So, last night I was on this website…
Female suit #2, eagerly: Was it MySpace?
Female suit #1: No, it was Smatchy.
Female suit #2, disappointed: Oh…
Female suit #1: What’s wrong?
Female suit #2: I’ve been taking these clairvoyance classes, but I don’t think they’re working.
–L train
Get Outta His Way When He Finds Out the Truth about Santa…
Guy with fliers: Psychic readings! Only 10 dollars! Psychic readings!
Realist: Yo man, if that bitch knows where the money at, why don’t she go get it herself?
Guy, dropping fliers: Word! I’m going to go ask that bitch now!
–Union Square
Headline by: Allison
Runners-Up:
· “He’s a regular Nostra-Dumbass” – Smellface
· “I see dead presidents!” – The Amazing Gotcharocksoff
· “Miss Cleo: Your First Card Is Sucker, The 3 Of Sheisters” – the ace of spades
· “That Takes a Pair of Crystal Balls.” – DanK
· “We ALL saw that coming” – JP
· “While You’re There, Ask Her Where The Leprechaun At” – wookie
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Nothing Says Healthy Relationship Like Self-Loathing
Jamaican girl: You know what I think about a lot? I think I must have been white in my past life, but I must have done something really, really horrible to get stuck in this black body.
Boyfriend: Jeez, you do think about that a lot.
Jamaican girl: Oh, not 90 percent of the time. Just 10 percent.
–Subway to Archer Ave
Overheard by: Just a girl
Wednesday One-Liners Always Thought Slim Goodbody Was Hot
Woman: You better get that uvula home soon!
–Brooklyn bound F train
Overheard by: PoisonIvy
Cracked-Out queer, holding US Weekly: Mmmmmm, Ashlee lookin’ good! You know why? Whole lotta crack in her belly!
–1 train
Guy: So they took out my spleen and rummaged through my internal organs…
–1 train
Overheard by: sara n.
Woman on cell: I can’t believe it; your brain muscle must be telepathetic or something!
–18th & Park
Overheard by: edward
Vendor: What if they test it and find that it’s from his ear?!
–Wooster & Broome
Professor: My favorite magazine is one for undertakers. It’s called Caskets and Sunnyside. You can order ears. Right ears, left ears; there’s a market for them.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Chick on cell: Wait, your uterus is what? What? Your uterus is what?! I’m on the street. I can’t hear–Oh, tilted! That’s totally fucked up. I’m sorry.
–23rd & 6th
Criminal Masterminds Psychic Bitch and Midget Indian Hulk Went on to Fleece the Entire City
Girl: That psychic bitch stole our money!
Boy: She told me I was insecure!
Girl: That midget Indian hulk lied to me. He told me palm reading was real!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: rafferty
Wednesday One-Liners Are Black and White and Read All Over
White girl on cell: Wait, you’re watching BET? Well, do you feel black and/or entertained? –Union Square Overheard by: Casey Black guy: So you see, white bitches just don’t understand that I have a big ass penis. –St. Mark’s Teenage black girl: See those buildings over there? That’s where I stay. Yeah, it’s nice and shit. I like it. Too many white people moved in, though. That’s why I’m KKK…Krazy Kracker Killa! –Uptown 1 train Overheard by: aq Black guy to white girl: You’d better not stay in the rain too long; sugar melts! –117th & 5th Overheard by: robin b JAP: It’s not like I don’t like his parties, I just don’t fit in. Hello! I’m white! –8th St & 5th Ave Black guy: Well I have black friends, but they just don’t understand. You know what I’m sayin’? Certain races, dog. –LIRR Overheard by: Jess McGins Ghetto girl: What was these two white bitches doing in Harlem at 2:30 in the morning? You know how white they was? They so white they names was Ashley and Haley. That’s how white they was! –Uptown 5 train Midwestern tourist points to a black guy and says, to his tween daughter: You see that guy over there? You see how he’s a different color than you? You see that sometimes in big cities. –Downtown 6 train Overheard by: Gwen Black girl to black friend: Yo, man, you’re acting like a black person. –N train, Ditmars Blvd, Queens Juicer: Oh, shit! We got customers in the store! We gotta stop acting so black! –Jamba Juice, University Place Frustrated woman, who has been trying in vain to hail a cab: What am I, black? –21st & 6th Black girl to black friend: We never gonna get a cab unless we start hangin’ with some white folks. –Orchard & Houston Overheard by: white folk Teenage girl: But Bob Dylan is Jewish. That’s kind of black. –Upper West Side Black girl: Why we gotta be black all the time? Why can’t we be white for two minutes? –Wendy’s, W 34th St JAP: I hate being white! –66th & Broadway White teen girl: Now I know what it feels like to be a minority. –Chinatown White woman to black woman: I feel like I understand the black struggle because I feel I was black in a past life. –Penn Station Thug on cell: Black people like catfish also, nigga! –110th & Broadway Overheard by: Mappy and Chocolate Ghetto girl at crosswalk: Ooh, lil’ white man tells me to walk, so I’m walkin’! –Times Square Overheard by: bully
No, He Just Makes His Naughty/Nice List Based on Ethnic Stereotypes
Disillusioned guy: Yeah, man, he kicked the shit out of Santa Claus just last week, and I was shocked ’cause I thought Santa was psychic.
–K-Mart, 34th St
Overheard by: ginpalace
The Psychic Already Knows
Girl: Oh my god, I have to tell you something but you cannot, absolutely tell anybody else! You swear?
Queer: Oh my god, yes. I promise it’s just between you, my psychic and my shrink!
–50th & 9th
He Gained His Power from the Almighty Gosh
Hobo: Can you spare some change?…Fine, you 8th graders!
Tween girl: Oh my gosh, he’s psychic!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Amanda