Old woman: Can you put five shrimp in a bag for me to hold for a minute and then I’ll give you two back?
Seafood guy: Excuse me?
Old woman: Just put five shrimp in a bag for me, I need to hold it. I get energies from them. Just put five shrimp in a bag and give it to me to hold, and then I’ll give you two back. I get energies.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Archive for the ‘Psychic’ Category
Wednesday One-liners Salute the University of New York
NYU chick on cell: You know you’re having a bad day when you break your aura.
–West 4th & Jones
Overheard by: Sam Zimman
Guy: NYU is like a disease. It’s shaping the minds of the fucking
future.
–South Street seaport
Chick on cell: Oh my god, I just totally bombed my final. But it’s not fair. It’s not my fault I got stuck in a class with all smart people. My grade’s totally going to skyrocket downwards.
–NYU, Waverly & Washington Square East
Overheard by: LMF
New Yorkers: As Seen on TV
Woman #1: Excuse me, does the N train stop at Central Park?
Woman #2: Lady, go ask a fucking crystal ball, or learn how to read a damn subway map.
–Union Square station
Overheard by: Craig D
A truck driver is parked on the side of the road, honking at what appears to be nothing at all. A female pedestrian shoots him a dirty look.
Truck driver: Nobody’s honking at you, you dumb bitch!
–Bay Ridge
Tourist: Which way is the Empire State Building?
Newspaper vendor: What do I look like, a fuckin’ road map?
–outside Grand Central
Overheard by: Dork
A trendy guy walked out into oncoming traffic, forcing an SUV to slam on the brakes. The driver screamed out of his open window: The hell you think you are, my hood ornament?
–40th & 7th