Archive for the ‘Psychic’ Category

“…And make sure the crustaceans are virgins.”

Old woman: Can you put five shrimp in a bag for me to hold for a minute and then I’ll give you two back?
Seafood guy: Excuse me?
Old woman: Just put five shrimp in a bag for me, I need to hold it. I get energies from them. Just put five shrimp in a bag and give it to me to hold, and then I’ll give you two back. I get energies. –Whole Foods, Union Square

Wednesday One-liners Salute the University of New York

NYU chick on cell: You know you’re having a bad day when you break your aura. –West 4th & Jones Overheard by: Sam Zimman Guy: NYU is like a disease. It’s shaping the minds of the fucking
future. –South Street seaport Chick on cell: Oh my god, I just totally bombed my final. But it’s not fair. It’s not my fault I got stuck in a class with all smart people. My grade’s totally going to skyrocket downwards. –NYU, Waverly & Washington Square East Overheard by: LMF

New Yorkers: As Seen on TV

Woman #1: Excuse me, does the N train stop at Central Park?
Woman #2: Lady, go ask a fucking crystal ball, or learn how to read a damn subway map. –Union Square station Overheard by: Craig D A truck driver is parked on the side of the road, honking at what appears to be nothing at all. A female pedestrian shoots him a dirty look. Truck driver: Nobody’s honking at you, you dumb bitch! –Bay Ridge Tourist: Which way is the Empire State Building?
Newspaper vendor: What do I look like, a fuckin’ road map? –outside Grand Central Overheard by: Dork A trendy guy walked out into oncoming traffic, forcing an SUV to slam on the brakes. The driver screamed out of his open window: The hell you think you are, my hood ornament? –40th & 7th