Archive for the ‘Psychology’ Category

Wednesday One-liners for Jung

Hobo: I was talking to my therapist and she said, “Would you rather hurt yourself or someone else?” And I started to say “myself” but then I thought she didn’t want to hear that. So I told her that I would hurt someone else. That seemed more sane. –1 train Overheard by: James Gillece

Sexed Up Wednesday One-liners

Girl: I wanted to do something like Jenny On The Block. You know: Jennifer Lopez. My character is really hot, but she looks a little psycho. –13th St. & 3rd Ave. Teenage girl: Bitch! I did not give you syphilis. I gave you crabs. –13th St. & 2nd Ave. Overheard by: Chris Carter Asian boy: If I could name you anything, it would be “titty”. –F train Overheard by: Nathalie

Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies.

–Hallway, CCNY

Overheard by: ladyliver

Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on.

–1250 Broadway

Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed…

–Smoke Shop, Park Slope

Overheard by: Kiri

Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy.

–Good Stuff Diner, 14th St

Overheard by: Kosi

Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Sarah

History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental.

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

He Won't Even Use Old Ones to Line His Bird's Cage

Wanna-be preppy: Hey! Is that the newspaper?
Slacker: Yeah.
Wanna-be preppy: Let's have a look at it.
(slacker throws paper into locker and locks locker)
Wanna-be preppy
: Aw, why did you do that?

Slacker: I can't let you see it. It's not mine.
Wanna-be preppy: Whose is it?
Slacker: My girlfriend's brother. He's really sensitive…
Wanna-be preppy: Really sensitive about the newspaper?

–Midtown

Overheard by: Kane

And So’s That Guy Who Plays Keyboard for the Muppets. What’s Your Point?

Young Man #1: No, no no no!
Young Man #2: You’re wrong and they’re wrong.
Young Man #1: Naw, man, look-
Young Man #2: You are WRONG and they are WRONG.
Young Man #1: They can’t, it’s not like-
Young Man #2: A psychiatrist is a DOCTOR, man.
Young Man #1: So is a massage therapist!

–39th & 12th

Overheard by: Keri

Wednesday One-Liners: Cha-ching!

Guy on cell: Don’t play games with me or I’ll break your fuckin’ nose. Have you got the money? Where’s the fuckin’ money? –47th & 5th Overheard by: Adam Bertocci Ghetto kid on cell: Yo, yo, you don’t want to play football? …Right, right, so just when you tackle them, put your hand in their pockets and take their money! –M14 bus Hobo: God, lady, I’m not asking for a million dollars; I’m just asking for some change! –14th between 5th & University Overheard by: theNJl Biker dude: She’s a shrink and a psychiatrist, so you know she’s rollin’ in money. –Starbucks, 27th & Park Overheard by: Brawny McBrawnerson

Sounds Like It Worked

White guy: This Chinese woman at the restaurant kept staring at me, all angry looking, and staring at my chopsticks, like I was doing something wrong with them. Like, some etiquette thing or something. I know you’re not supposed to, like, stick the chopsticks into rice.
Asian chick: Oh, yeah, you never do that.
White guy: I know! But I looked down, no rice, no nothing, I was done with my food, they were just sitting on the plate. I think maybe she was trying to get me to think I was doing something wrong so that, you know, I’d get all self-conscious. –6 train