Ice cream shop clerk: “I told my analyst that I met this guy who looks so much like him, it is unbelievable. My analyst then said, ‘well, how does that make you feel?’”
Hobo: …damn, this is some fucked up shit. Most fucked up shit I’ve ever seen. Motherfucker arguin’ with himself. Who argues with himself? Man, this is some fucked up shit… –West Village Overheard by: Matt Muscari
Guy: Yeah, man, that’s true. But you have to keep in mind that while you’re emotionally emasculated, he’s physically emasculated, and there’s a helluva difference. –Knitting Factory Overheard by: Patrick Taylor
Scientologist: Ma’am, are you interested in taking a free stress test?
Woman: Hell no. I don’t need no freako to tell me I’m stressed. I already know that. –Union Square station
Asian yuppie: Now I don’t have to be possessive anymore. Instead, I rely on Jesus. –Grand Cafe, Williamsburg
Tall, loud girl to friend: I don't know, I think he really just wants to settle down, you know?
Hobo sitting nearby: Hey! I wanna settle down!
–Broadway & 78th St
Overheard by: Mary
Cute blond girl, hearing loud scream: What kid is throwing a temper tantrum? Jesus!
Boyfriend: No, that's just a crackhead.
Cute blond girl: Oh.
–Shake Shack, Madison Square Park
Overheard by: Noelle
Teenage Asian guy #1: I'm Chinese, I'm allowed to be obnoxious.
Teenage Asian guy #2: Dude, you're American. That's why you're obnoxious.
Overheard by: Hillary
Guy: I was diagnosed as depressed.
Friend: What? Like depression?
Friend: That sucks.
Guy: Yeah… Need some happy pills or some shit.
–Canal & Lafayette
Professor: I have nothing against horse rapists, generally speaking.
–New School University
Overheard by: Evan Gilmer
Psychology professor: Chocolate may make you feel good, but cocaine will make you feel a lot better!
Elderly history professor: I'm not sure of the consequences of what I'm saying, but I'm sure it's terribly important.
Serious professor, on Freud: What's the matter, Anne, are you thinking about penis envy?
–Classroom, Hunter College
Overheard by: Rara
Bearded professor: He drew an eye on the bird and asked me "do you know what this means?" (short pause) "I swallow." What do you say to that?
–94th St & Broadway
Overheard by: DI
Elderly professor: You two ladies in the back want to cut the bullshit and listen to my brilliance?
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee