Archive for the ‘Psychology’ Category

Nice Wednesday One-Liners Finish Last

Man on cell: I need attractive girls with low self-esteem so I can tell them that I understand and then do horrible things to them. This is basic science.

–40th & 8th

Overheard by: 13Atlantic

Irate Wall Street guy standing in deli: Everything! Everything! I said "everything bagel," you fucking waste of life. (to other customers in line) He always does that!

–Beaver & William

Boy, watching Hannah Montana on screen: unless she's hanging from a rope, I can't be bothered.

–AMC 7, East Village

Overheard by: agreed

Female in red coat: It's, like, the Holocaust–get over it! I didn't even care about it when it first happened.

–Bobst Lobby, NYU

Overheard by: wow.

Wednesday One-Liners Got Game

Burly guy in cafe: Mind mapping's not a game. It's a reality.

–Ave A & 11th St

Overheard by: Anna P.

Cop to another: Some people play checkers, some people play chess. You, son, you play checkers.

–New Street & Beaver

Black librarian with dreads: In the game, you gotta give the black girl all your stuff, all your valuable stuff. You give it to her to hold and then you take it from her. That's how you get the trophy.

–Bronx Library

Drunk guy in the cafe car: Listen! Just because I'm white doesn't mean I can't play dominoes!

–Acela Train

Overheard by: Someone who can't play dominoes

Wednesday One-Liners Have a Breakthrough

Employee: They tryin' to tell me I'm bipolar. I ain't bipolar; I just a overprotective parent.

–Chock Full o' Nuts, W 86th St

Overheard by: Emily B.

Calm woman: The thing about being a therapist is that, well, you're just a band-aid.

–W 3rd St

Dude, introducing himself: So, uh, my therapist thinks I'm ready to start dating again.

–F Train

Overheard by: Jenny

Eight-year-old with older man to cashier: He's not my father, he's my therapist.

–Deli, Upper West Side

The Same Dynamic That Makes People See Slasher Movies

Overexcited teenage girl, picking up a copy of Alice Sebold's Lucky: Oh my god. Do not read this book. It will make you want to kill yourself, and the author.
Bored teenage boy: Really? I'm not that… depressed or anything.
Overexcited teenage girl: Neither was I!

–Columbia University Bookstore

Overheard by: amused bookseller

He Won't Even Use Old Ones to Line His Bird's Cage

Wanna-be preppy: Hey! Is that the newspaper?
Slacker: Yeah.
Wanna-be preppy: Let's have a look at it.
(slacker throws paper into locker and locks locker)
Wanna-be preppy
: Aw, why did you do that?

Slacker: I can't let you see it. It's not mine.
Wanna-be preppy: Whose is it?
Slacker: My girlfriend's brother. He's really sensitive…
Wanna-be preppy: Really sensitive about the newspaper?

–Midtown

Overheard by: Kane

The Wednesday One-Liner Diet Doesn't Work

Little girl to sister: It has 140 calories in it, that could like… kill you.

–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway

Blonde girl on phone: Yeah, I need to lose like 30 pounds but the problem is that I got my body used to food.

–224th St & Jamaica Avenue

Teen girl, after being caught with empty beer cans: No! Trust me, it wasn't me. I don't drink beer, it has way too many calories!

–Park Slope

40-something mom to chubby daughter with YMCA gymnastics shirt: Don't eat here, go to CVS! Get some mints… you'll be fine.

–Wendy's At Metropolitan Ave. and Woodhaven Blvd, Queens

Overheard by: D. Scibe

Very old, overweight mother to old less overweight daughter: I need to lose 20 pounds, but you, you need to lose 40 pounds. When you're as skinny as her (points at woman working at register), then I'll buy you carrot cake!

–168th & Broadway

Overheard by: Alison R.

Women in Morbidly obesity couple walking hand in hand. The woman says "harry, I hate it when we're on separate starvation schedules."

–7th St & First Ave