Archive for the ‘Public Transportation’ Category

The Little Wednesday One-Liners That Could

Lady suit: Every time I get on the subway there’s always some freak of nature sitting there. I wish they’d do something about that! –34th & 7th Dorky teen boy: This is the subway station?! Wow! –2nd floor, Port Authority Overheard by: JoBell Lady suit: If you smoke enough pot, the B Train becomes the Hogwarts Express! –DeKalb station Overheard by: jaded Blonde: I’ve only ever taken the shuttle from Grand Central to Times Square. I’ve never gone East on it. I don’t know how. –1 train Overheard by: minerfa Dad to young son as doors close: Come on, come on, come on! [He holds the closing doors, and they make it inside.] Um, don’t ever do that. –F train Overheard by: dianora

Wednesday: Soft As a Baby's One-Liner

Drunk middle aged man, grabbing wife's shoulder: Watch this! Nine months from tonight! Count it, people! She's going to have a motherfucking baby! Nine months! Niiiiiine months! –E 9th St & University Place Overheard by: NYUTSOA2012 Tween to grandmother: There's this girl in my class at school who had a baby around Halloween, and she named it Starlight. It's a baby girl. –F Train Overheard by: office peon Hysterical teen: If I had nine months left to live I would have his baby! –Gee Whiz, Tribeca Train conductor: Stand clear of the closing doors! Especially if you got a baby and a baby carriage! –Uptown 2 Train Attractive brunette: There were dead babies in the tree. Like Christmas ornaments. –96th & Broadway

And Your Point Is…?

Hobo singing: Brooklyn, Bronx, Queens and Staten. From the Battery to the top of Manhattan. [To transit worker] ‘Scuse me, sir. Where we at right now? Brooklyn? Queens? Manhattan?
Transit worker #1: We’re anywhere you wanna be, brother.
Hobo: What borough is this?
Transit worker #2: This is the Bronx.
Hobo: The Bronx?
Transit worker #1: The boogie down.
Hobo: The boogie woogie? [Walks away singing] Boogie woogie oogie ’til ya just can’t boogie no more…
Transit worker #2 to #1: If you just hopped into that train and drove it on time we wouldn’t have to watch him wander around the platform. –1 train platform, 242nd St Overheard by: Reggie Vikram

Wednesday One-liners Teach Your Children Well

Pregnant woman to 3-year-old son: Do you remember what happened last time you licked the subway? That’s right. You threw up. –4 train Overheard by: Leora Parent: My son is only two years old, sittin’ at the bar, talkin’ ’bout “old school.” How you gon’ talk ’bout “old school” when you two years old? I think my brother taught him that. –Merrill Lynch lobby, Broadway & Park Row Mom to 4-year-old: Stop crying and take a moment and think about how you feel. –Broadway & 104th

As the Dodgers Said in 1957

Guy #1: (howls like an animal)
Guy #2: (makes owl noise and starts hooting)
Group of people, including guys #1 and #2: (all start making animal calls, screams, hoots etc)
Man #1 on train: Shut the fuck up!
Group of howlers: (sporadically throws in more animal noises and then profusely thanks the glaring audience as they exit train)
Man#2 on train: At least they're someone else's problem now.
Man#1 on train: I'm never going to Brooklyn again. –F Train Overheard by: it only takes 3 stops to decide

She Got Eight Volunpeers

Girl #1: Ew, you’re holding on to the bar?
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m holding on to the bar. If I don’t I’ll fall over.
Girl #1: Ew. That is so gross. That’s like the one thing that grosses me out more than anything.
Girl #2: It’s just a bar.
Girl #1: No, you don’t understand. I would rather have someone pee on my face than touch that thing. –N train