Archive for the ‘Public Transportation’ Category

According to the Ancient Law, You Snooze, You Lose

(passengers start closing bus windows because of heavy rain)
Girl #1: That window's still open.
Girl #2 (reaching over sleeping girl and closing it): Oh my god, I feel like I'm her savior.
Girl #1: Uh-huh.
Girl #2: But now it's really hot. Should we open a window?
Girl #1: Fine. (reaches over and opens the window next to the sleeping girl)
Girl #2: You're evil.
Girl #1: Yeah, like you weren't thinking of doing the same exact thing. –Bronx Science Vallo Bus

Wednesday One-Liners Turn the Meter On

Cabbie, as man opens passenger-side door: Wait. I am not mentally prepared for this! –W 50th Cabbie on cell: Hello? I’m going to beat you up… ‘Cause I want to! –23rd & Lex Exasperated cabbie: Why is there a house driving down Delancey Street? –Delancey & Chrystie Overheard by: Les Chinatown Cabbie on cell: No, no, it is not possible. I cannot possibly be back in the city by then — I am at the airport…I could maybe make it back into the city to see you in, like, two hours if traffic isn’t bad in the Bronx. Man, the airport is really packed today. –99th & Amsterdam Overheard by: Laughing in the back Cabbie, after getting cut off by another: Goddamn cabbies. –30th & 5th

What “The Full Route” Really Means

Bus driver: Due to circumstances beyond our control, Vanderbilt will be the last stop on the bus.
Passengers: [Gasp] Oh, no!
Bus driver: And now that I know the PA system works, I was just joking. This bus will be going the full route. [A few minutes later] If you are with somebody, please have them sit on your lap. If not, introduce yourself. –Crowded B38 bus Overheard by: kitty

Wednesday One-Liners, Literally

Man on cell, authoritatively: Ejaculate! –14th b/w 3rd & 4th Mother to curious little girl reaching out to touch Wall Street bull's testicles: No! (yanks her away) –Bowling Green Woman shouting across a grassy field: Slutbots! –McCarren Park, Brooklyn (intercom beeps 10 times)
Train conductor, over intercom: Shit.
(intercom continues to beep) –Hudson Line Train Man on bike speeding along Brooklyn Bridge walkway: Pussyhoooollleeeeee! –Brooklyn Bridge Quiet, older gentleman sipping coffee, leafing through newspaper: Motherfuckers! –Barnes & Noble Coffee Bar, Broadway Overheard by: Suze V

Translation: I'm Totally A-OK With You Getting Arrested

Hipster on cell: So, are you gonna pee on the subway or hold it?
Future subway peeer: (inaudible response)
Hipster on cell: Yeah, dude, I do it all the time. Just do your thing in the corner, open the side door, an' let it slosh out when you're movin' between stations. Dude, even women do it. Totally a-okay! –67th St & Columbus Overheard by: kjirsten johnson

Wednesday Still Remember When You Could One-Liner in Bars

Young hipster guy to hobo: I hate to ask, but do you mind if I bum a cigarette from you? –Prince St Overheard by: Kristen W. Flight attendant on PA: We’d like to remind you that this is a non-smoking service to London, but passengers are permitted to smoke outside the cabin at any point during the flight. –British Airways Flight to Heathrow Crazy man: Smoking leads directly to prostitution! –66th & Broadway Overheard by: voluptuousgrl Dude: I’ve been smoking since I came out of my mom’s cooch. –Hop Scotch Cafe Woman with raspy voice: Man, cigarettes are so expensive now. When I started smoking, it was only a $1.25 a pack. Unless I bought them off my mom, she only charged 75 cents a pack. –4 Train, Union Square Overheard by: Christine Mom to seven-year-old son: Come on, let’s go out for a cigarette. (looks around nervously at other audience members) Well, not that you smoke. –Intermission, Rent

The Liquid Assets Of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. There is a problem with a signal and there are trains in front of us. The good news is, there's a bar car! –Metro North Overheard by: Anna Obese lady buying pork chops to obese friend: I be cutting down on on soda. –Troy Ave & Park Place Exasperated woman: And he was drinking Jack Daniels before he even got to my place… –3rd & 6th Overheard by: j Female suit on cell: Well, what do you expect? It was green Gatorade and grain alcohol! –Broadway & 54th St Overheard by: Loren Bag lady to another: Listen, Alice, if you don't want to lose your leg, you gotta drink water, they'll take your legs otherwise. –42nd St & 3rd Ave Overheard by: Robin Frantic woman on cell: Oh my god! There is no soy milk anywhere in this city! (sprints out of Starbucks) –Starbucks, Times Square Overheard by: ellie Tough guy outside bar with friends: So I like apple juice. What the fuck? –East Village