Archive for the ‘Public Transportation’ Category

The Liquid Assets Of Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. There is a problem with a signal and there are trains in front of us. The good news is, there's a bar car! –Metro North Overheard by: Anna Obese lady buying pork chops to obese friend: I be cutting down on on soda. –Troy Ave & Park Place Exasperated woman: And he was drinking Jack Daniels before he even got to my place… –3rd & 6th Overheard by: j Female suit on cell: Well, what do you expect? It was green Gatorade and grain alcohol! –Broadway & 54th St Overheard by: Loren Bag lady to another: Listen, Alice, if you don't want to lose your leg, you gotta drink water, they'll take your legs otherwise. –42nd St & 3rd Ave Overheard by: Robin Frantic woman on cell: Oh my god! There is no soy milk anywhere in this city! (sprints out of Starbucks) –Starbucks, Times Square Overheard by: ellie Tough guy outside bar with friends: So I like apple juice. What the fuck? –East Village

Wednesday One-Liners Are in a Transitional Phase

Conductor (after a few minutes waiting at signal): One of those trains better hurry it up and move it, I have better things to do. –N Train Conductor: Across the platform is an express 3 train. The doors are open, you can make it. Go for it! Go! Catch that train! (after a few stops) There is an express 2 train across the platform. You will make it. You will not miss it. You will make it. –1 Train Overheard by: motivated Cheerful conductor: Welcome to the station formerly known as Prince! –R Train Conductor: We are now arriving at Grand Central. This is our final stop. We're six minutes early, so now you can't say anything bad about us. –Metro North Train Overheard by: Angela Conductor: That is a 1 train and all trains are running express. Another local won't run til 5 am Monday. You can wait but we don't serve dinner or breakfast, and I'm all out of sleeping bags. –1 Train Overheard by: Steve Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the train's emergency brakes have been activated for some reason. The train operator is going to walk around the train and check if there's a…body, or something, under the train. After that, we'll be able to move! –C Train Overheard by: Patient Passenger Train conductor: Last call for the 10:00 local…last call! Get on the train cause away we go, and it's 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…blastoff! –Metro North Overheard by: to mount kisco, and BEYOND!

Wednesday One-Liners Put Them on One Leg at a Time

Boy to girl: Does it look like my ass is eating my pants? –Brooklyn Tech Overheard by: Julie Eight-year old girl: It’s not me, it’s the pants! It’s the pants! –81st & Roosevelt Ave Overheard by: Jobee Woman on cell: No. No. Absolutely not. Look, would you please put some pants on? –8th & Broadway Cop to his cop friends: My buns don’t look good in these pants. But hey, what can you do? It’s part of the uniform. –Times Square Shuttle Station Overheard by: Heather Girl on cell: Do you have to shit? Oh… So go in your pants! –Union Square Overheard by: Shira Incredulous thug to friend: You drop your pants to hop the train? –W. Houston & 1st Ave Overheard by: Jon A.

Wednesday One-Liners Keep Their Eyes Peeled for Movie Stars

Tourist backpacker with hands on subway doors: Do these open on their own? –1 Train Tourist mom to uncool son: Well, that's what you get for trying to be a hipster! –Union Square Park Overheard by: j Tourist: Holy moly, look at that Olive Garden! It's huge! I wish I lived here!
(takes a picture of the restaurant) –Times Square Obese Midwestern woman to obese Midwestern man: Oooh, Applebee's… Now I feel at home here! –Times Square Southern tourist guy: I thought people in Greenwich Village would look stranger. –Bleecker Street Tourist from west coast, after observing the locals for a few innings: You know, Seinfeld makes so much more sense to me now. –Cheap Seats, Coney Island Cyclones Overheard by: Kevin Eliasen

Oh! The Fucking Places You’ll Go!

Conductor: Everything’s running normal this weekend.
Black woman: Everything runnin’ normal this weekend? Shit, I could take this train to fuckin’… fuckin’ anywhere! –Q train Overheard by: office peon Headline by: Marc Runners-Up: · “Alice in Wonderland, New York Style” – Anastasia Poushkareva · “Around the Hood in Eighty Days” – ad neal · “I Meant My Colon” – I Got Real Mail · “Just a fuckin’ small town girl, livin’ in a fuckin’ lonely world…” – karaoke queen · “Transfers available to up your ass and go fuck yourself.” – mark manne · “Why Reading Rainbow and drugs don’t mix” – mike
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