Archive for the ‘Public Transportation’ Category

Wednesday One-Liner, -Liner, Pants on Fire!

Guy pedalling rickshaw, on cell: No, I can’t get there. I have no bike right now. No, I’m on the train at the moment.

–34th & Broadway


Man on cell
: No, I’m not outside!…I’m in the bank!…I’m in the bank…I’m telling you, I’m in the bank!


–Barnes & Noble, Union Square Middle-Eastern dude on cell: Right now I am coming in a taxi cab from JFK Airport…Yes, well, I understand your concern, but you see, I am driving the taxi. –Starbucks, Columbus Circle Overheard by: math tinder

Wednesday One-Liners Don’t Care If You’re Listening

Conductor, speaking in a robot voice: Watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch the gap, watch… Sorry, my finger fell off the button. Watch the gap.

–LIRR

Train conductor: This is a Brooklyn-bound A experience to Lefferts boulevard. Have an optimistic day!

–A Train

Overheard by: soothed passenger

Conductor, in droll voice: For the fifteenth million time, there is train traffic ahead.

–1 Train

Conductor: This is 207th street, the last and final stop. Please collect all your personal belongings and leave the train. Goodnight and happy wabbit season.

–A Train

Overheard by: Rose Fox

Conductor: Thank you for riding on the C line, the best subway line in the whole, wide world.

–C Train

Overheard by: traPt

Conductor: If you want to get off at South Ferry, please go to the first five cars of the train. All passengers getting off at South Ferry, please move along the platform to the first five cars of the train. Yes, the front of the train is the direction the train was moving.

–1 Train

Conductor: We apologize for the delay, but this happens on the weekends. For info on service changes log onto www.mta.info. If you don’t have a computer, watch NY1, if you don’t have a TV, listen to 1010 Wins, if you don’t have a radio, call 718-330-1234, if you don’t have a phone, go home and wait for a miracle.

–N Train

Overheard by: subway rider

Two Girls, One Gap

Woman to friends: Girl, you know how to do some rollers?
Friend: Damn, honey, I don't know how to do none of that shit. I could braid, I could perm, but that's it. You know that bitch Julia, she Mexican. She could do it. She know how to multitask.
Conductor: Please watch the gap as you exit the train, ladies and gentlemen.
Friend: Damn! That's a big ass gap, my ass almost fell over!

–Shuttle to Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners, a Worldwide Pants Production

Man on cell: The notebook is perfect and it also fits down my pants.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I Love You Alex

Hipster girl: So, as I was tasting him… Oh! My pants just unbuttoned!

–W 12th St

Overheard by: Paige

Conductor: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. This is our last stop, Grand Central Station. Please make sure you have your purses, pants, makeup and fake eyebrows.

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Meaghan

High school goomba on cell: He’s just mad because I’ve got my own style. Y’know, I decided what I wanted to be like — y’know, how I wanted to look — and went with it. Just wait until summer — he won’t be able to touch me. Yo, do you know how hard it is to find white pants in Staten Island if you’re a guy? I had to go to Brooklyn to get them!

–S48 bus, Staten Island

Overheard by: It’s not part of the uniform?

Girl on cell: Just pull your pants down and take it like a man!

–E 12th & 3rd Avenue

Overheard by: Mistres Silver

Dude: Remember when that Turkish girl stuck her hands in my pants? I was like, ‘Hold on. You’re Muslim and I’m Texan — I don’t think this is gonna work.’

–Cheapshots

Overheard by: B

Man to lady: I need pants desperately. I can’t wait!

–32nd & Broadway