Young Puerto Rican: I am so American! you're American if you born in Puerto Rico!
Young Puerto Rican friend: No, you ain't American, nigga!
–Smith & Bergen, Brooklyn
Overheard by: sara astrid
Archive for the ‘Puerto Ricans’ Category
Bone Wednesday-One-Liners-N-Harmony
Gay thug: I better be able to attend the motherfuckin’ flower show or I’m going to hit someone.
–1 Train
Thug: Man, he told us not to add more sugar but we put more sugar in that sauce. Shit was panty-droppin, son.
–Deli, 21st St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Ryn
Thug, in high-pitched voice and flailing arms, while running across the street in front of oncoming UPS truck: Aaaah! Aaaah! Aaaah!
–45th St & 8th Ave
Thug, to friend: That shit done tore my heart!
–N Train
Puerto Rican thug: Au revoir, here is my choo-choo train.
–F Train Platform
Overheard by: Garuda
Wednesday One-Liners Are in Dire Need of a Glade Plug-In
Drunk, angry Puerto Rican girl to boyfriend: You had to make me smell like fuckin’ Chinese food on new year’s eve!
–Grand St & Graham Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: someone who happily had a different New Year’s date, and wonders whether there is a Designer Imposters version of such a scent.
Disgusted McDonald’s patron: This shit smells worse than a hobo’s taint!
–14 & Broadway
Overheard by: Shemp
Man, entering subway car: Son, it smells like home depot in here.
–4 Train
Drunk sorostitute on cell: It smelled fine. It was just a febreeze gone awry!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Ladle
Queer: I can’t wait to move out of this decrepit office building. A couple of days ago a mouse died in the walls -you remember what that smells like. The guys in the office said: "Maybe it’ll go away after a week," but I told them it’s just going to get worse, so now they want to bring in some awful air freshener thing. Someone is already spraying that stuff in the men’s room, and it’s got a nasty artificial orange scent, so it smells like someone shat on a fruit basket.
–28th & Park
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Girl with a huge ugly weave: I smell fried chicken! [Pauses.] … Oh, it’s prolly me. [Keeps walking.]
–Library, Washington Irving High School
Did the Boy Oversleep, Too?
Big black guy: I thought she was goin’ to get an abortion?
Tiny Rican girl: Yeah, but she overslept and missed her appointment.
Big black guy: How do you miss an abortion appointment?!
Tiny Rican girl: Well she’s only seventeen, she’s not really responsible yet.
Big black guy, yelling: Well then maybe she shouldn’t have been thinking about sex yet! For Christ’s sake she missed her abortion appointment! What a whore!
–H&M, Brooklyn
Overheard by: SaraSil
Especially Ryan Adams
Hipster #1: No water?!?!
Hipster #2: I can’t believe they’re denying us the most basic necessity … I hate everyone right now!
–McCarren Park Pool
Fecal Coliform Wednesday One-Liners
Boricua: Yo, son, I told you! Birdseed don’t know shit about shit!
–Fordham University
Announcer: The 10:30… Shit, the 11:30 six train to Ronkonkoma is now boarding on track eighteen. Shit…
–LIRR terminal, Penn Station
Eight-year-old girl: Mom, look! Mom, they got a nicer elevator than we do! Shit.
–7th & 2nd
Overheard by: BJ
Girl: Awww, all they have is shit!
–NYU dining hall
Loud woman on phone: So, guess what my 18-month-old daughter learned to say? ‘Oh, shit.’ And guess who she learned it from? Mommy.
–Bergen Beach-bound B3 bus
Overheard by: Robert
They Jerk Their Meat
Puerto Rican girl #1: I really hate the way she eats.
Puerto Rican girl #2: Yeah, but she’s Jamaican. You know how they are.
–Bergen St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Dumbfounded
Headline by: Gutterlush
Runners-Up:
· “At Least She Isn’t Dominican.” – Jon
· “Even Their Chickens Are Jerks.” – Howard Bannister
· “Psychic?” – Beryl
· “Racism! It’s What’s For Dinner” – Goldielox
· “You’re Just Jealous You Can’t Use Your Dreads As a Fork” – Chels
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Well, They All Shit. We’ll Have to Wait and See on Your Other Prediction.
Puerto Rican thug: Yo, where’s yo’ baby at?
Puerto Rican thugette: He home with my baby daddy. Don’t you know my baby daddy?
Puerto Rican thug: Word… Where’s yo’ otha friend at?
Puerto Rican thugette: Oh, she havin’ a baby, too, but that girl be doin’ mad drugs. Baby gonna be all retarded and shit.
–Bodega, S 2nd & Driggs
Overheard by: gentrify
Because Technically, White Is Just the Absence of Race
Puerto Rican girl: Wwhy you all cut that island in half? You racist against the niggas on the other half? They your neighbors!
Dominican girl: I know, right? It’s the hatred. Like, you all be racist against white people…
Puerto Rican girl: Yeah, but everyone is racist against white people. That don’t count!
–6 train
Overheard by: JS
Headline by: Zorak
Runners-Up:
· “Better to Be the Hater Than the Haiti” – madfigs
· “Just Like Proper Grammar.” – Jo
· “The Original ‘I Have a Dream’ Speech…” – Rahul Advani
· “White People: They Can Do That?” – Kiki Malibu
· “White People Would Have Weighed In, but They Were Golfing” – s h
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
A Loving God Has Made Us So
Puerto Rican girl: Yo, stop starin’.
Puerto Rican guy: Bitch, I gotta feed my eyes!
–3rd & 2nd
Overheard by: jharris