Archive for the ‘Puerto Ricans’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are in Dire Need of a Glade Plug-In

Drunk, angry Puerto Rican girl to boyfriend: You had to make me smell like fuckin’ Chinese food on new year’s eve! –Grand St & Graham Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: someone who happily had a different New Year’s date, and wonders whether there is a Designer Imposters version of such a scent. Disgusted McDonald’s patron: This shit smells worse than a hobo’s taint! –14 & Broadway Overheard by: Shemp Man, entering subway car: Son, it smells like home depot in here. –4 Train Drunk sorostitute on cell: It smelled fine. It was just a febreeze gone awry! –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Queer: I can’t wait to move out of this decrepit office building. A couple of days ago a mouse died in the walls -you remember what that smells like. The guys in the office said: "Maybe it’ll go away after a week," but I told them it’s just going to get worse, so now they want to bring in some awful air freshener thing. Someone is already spraying that stuff in the men’s room, and it’s got a nasty artificial orange scent, so it smells like someone shat on a fruit basket. –28th & Park Overheard by: Rose Fox Girl with a huge ugly weave: I smell fried chicken! [Pauses.] … Oh, it’s prolly me. [Keeps walking.] –Library, Washington Irving High School

Did the Boy Oversleep, Too?

Big black guy: I thought she was goin’ to get an abortion?
Tiny Rican girl: Yeah, but she overslept and missed her appointment.
Big black guy: How do you miss an abortion appointment?!
Tiny Rican girl: Well she’s only seventeen, she’s not really responsible yet.
Big black guy, yelling: Well then maybe she shouldn’t have been thinking about sex yet! For Christ’s sake she missed her abortion appointment! What a whore! –H&M, Brooklyn Overheard by: SaraSil

Fecal Coliform Wednesday One-Liners

Boricua: Yo, son, I told you! Birdseed don’t know shit about shit! –Fordham University Announcer: The 10:30… Shit, the 11:30 six train to Ronkonkoma is now boarding on track eighteen. Shit… –LIRR terminal, Penn Station Eight-year-old girl: Mom, look! Mom, they got a nicer elevator than we do! Shit. –7th & 2nd Overheard by: BJ Girl: Awww, all they have is shit! –NYU dining hall Loud woman on phone: So, guess what my 18-month-old daughter learned to say? ‘Oh, shit.’ And guess who she learned it from? Mommy. –Bergen Beach-bound B3 bus Overheard by: Robert

They Jerk Their Meat

Puerto Rican girl #1: I really hate the way she eats.
Puerto Rican girl #2: Yeah, but she’s Jamaican. You know how they are. –Bergen St, Brooklyn Overheard by: Dumbfounded Headline by: Gutterlush Runners-Up:
· “At Least She Isn’t Dominican.” – Jon
· “Even Their Chickens Are Jerks.” – Howard Bannister
· “Psychic?” – Beryl
· “Racism! It’s What’s For Dinner” – Goldielox
· “You’re Just Jealous You Can’t Use Your Dreads As a Fork” – Chels
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Because Technically, White Is Just the Absence of Race

Puerto Rican girl: Wwhy you all cut that island in half? You racist against the niggas on the other half? They your neighbors!
Dominican girl: I know, right? It’s the hatred. Like, you all be racist against white people…
Puerto Rican girl: Yeah, but everyone is racist against white people. That don’t count! –6 train Overheard by: JS Headline by: Zorak Runners-Up:
· “Better to Be the Hater Than the Haiti” – madfigs
· “Just Like Proper Grammar.” – Jo
· “The Original ‘I Have a Dream’ Speech…” – Rahul Advani
· “White People: They Can Do That?” – Kiki Malibu
· “White People Would Have Weighed In, but They Were Golfing” – s h
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