Archive for the ‘Punch’ Category

…While I Wipe Off the Tears on My Sleeve

Promoter, stopping friends: Hey! You guys look like pretty awesome people!
Friend #1: Nah, we're really not.
Friend #2: Yeah, we're actually pretty lame.
Promoter: Well, you at least like kids, right?
Friend #1: No. I fucking hate kids. They're terrible. I punch them all the time.
Promoter: Haha. Well, what about animals?
Friend #1: Nope. I hate them too…especially kittens and puppies. I punch them too. I do the double punch. Kids and puppies at the same time. (starts punching the air violently with both of her fists)
Promoter: Okay then. You guys have a nice day…

–Union Square

Overheard by: hj

God Bless the LIRR

30-something guy: Have you ever shot an AK-47?
40-something girl: Oh my god, yes!
30-something guy: How did it feel?
40-something girl: Pulling that trigger… It's amazing.
30-something guy: Getting punched in the face hurts. Have you ever gotten punched in the face?
40-something girl: Yes! When did you?
30-something guy: It was one of those “wrong place at the wrong time” situations… I was on the corner of this street and all of a sudden someone just came up and started punching me. It hurt really badly. Have you ever tried punching a bird?

–LIRR

Overheard by: Francesca

Wednesday Feel Trapped in a One-Liner's Body

Ghetto lady to another: Her son is a lesbian!

–Port Authority Bus Station

Suit to friend: Did I ever tell you about the time I ran into a Dunkin Donuts Drive Thru window with a transvestite in my back seat?

–N Train

Overheard by: Tater

Cop: The trannies hate the DVDs. They just can't get along. They hate each other more than the Bloods and the Crips!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Jon A.

Girl on cell: He just turned around and slipped into the skirt, and I just had to tell him! (pause) No, it didn't flatter his figure.

–Avery Fisher Hall, Lincoln Center

Crazy guy, pointing to girl sitting on fireplug: She's a man! That girl's a man! She's a man! Heh, heh…okay, stay there, I'll be right back. (pause) To punch you in the face!

–23rd & 7th

Overheard by: EthanK

Guy on phone: First you wanted to be a car salesman, and now you want to be drag queen?

–31st b/w 9th &10th

Overheard by: roommate of guy on phone

We're All Nine Meals Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya' hear now Obama's president they gonna tear down the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o' Aunt Jemima!"

–Shuttle Train GCT

Overheard by: Mrs. Butterworth

Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I'd have a hundred million dollars!

–Henry St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Jesse

Hobo to clerk: Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of the Gaza Strip.

–Deli, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: LP

Hobo to girl with boxing gloves attached to her backpack: Hi, there! Give a little money to help the homeless? (silence) I'll take anything but a punch in the face!

–Astor & Lafayette

Overheard by: Andi C.

Shouting hobo: The family that scratches their butts together has smelly fingers!

–34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Kramer

Hobo crossing street and pushing shopping cart: Hi ho Silver!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Not in the Face, Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on cell: You keep talking over me–it makes me want to punch you in the uterus.

–Ray's Pizza, 52 & 8th

Overheard by: Jarett

Guy to friend: You keep referring to me as "that guy" and we'll see how long you stay conscious.

–33rd & 7th

Nervous man seated against the wall: I don't like this seat. I don't like sitting here. I like to sit on the aisle. What if there's a fight? I don't want to be trapped in a place with a fight.

–Off-Broadway Theatre

Overheard by: Hannah

Ghetto chick: Can't you get somebody else to fuck him up? Why you gotta do it?

–W Train

Overheard by: sara n.

Man: He was trying to turn his alcoholism into a positive thing instead of attacking the guy who raped his sister.

–The Strand Bookstore

Overheard by: Slightly confused, yet intrigued…

Girl on cell: Remember that time you got into a fight with an inch worm?

–Chambers St

Overheard by: Shooty

A Chain Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl on phone: Yeah, I'm here. But I think I passed through the ghetto on the way. Yeah, it was definitely the ghetto. How do I know? It was really obvious: because I saw a sizzler and all the buildings looked the same!

–Penn Station

20-something girl, watching street protest: They better not have closed Popeyes for this.

–M Bus

Overheard by: BHM

Tiny white girl: I just want to go into Applebee's and punch everyone in the face.

–Times Square

Overheard by: that would pass the time…

Girl on cell: Look mom, there's a Jamba Juice. That place is like famous.

–Herald Square

Slob tourist chick to fat husband: I hate my life! Ooooh, Olive Garden!

–Times Square

Overheard by: BarcLeh