Archive for the ‘Punch’ Category

Wednesday One-Liner, Huh! What Is It Good For?

JAP on cell: If more people wore glitter there would no war.

–Therapy Store

Crazy old guy: I want a dog for president. You know why? Dogs don't start wars.

–31St & Ditmars, Astoria

Overheard by: Randi and Patrick

(at an anti-war rally)
Street vendor
: Say no to war, say yes to Louis Vuitton!


–Midtown

Overheard by: Oh the irony

50-something guy on cell: You see, we are a military agency, not a government agency. (pause) So when I punched out that Homeland Security guy, I punched out a civilian.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: Ksenia

Eight-year-old boy: I dare you to fight in the civil war!

–7 Train

Wednesday One-Liners Swore They’d Never Become Like Their Parents

Dad to young daughter: If you want to hit daddy, you’ll have to take a number.

–Outside Court St. Bagels, Court & Bergen, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn

Exhausted dad to loud, hyperactive, young son: Yes, everyone knows you’re here. Terminal six food court line.

–JFK

Overheard by: Jen

Mother, to seven-year-old son as she enters a liquor store: Jesus, what’s wrong with you? This is why nobody likes you -you’re annoying!

–Outside Liquor Store, W 57th St

Overheard by: PetRunner

Father quizzically looking at waddling toddler: How can you be anti-park? I mean, you’re a kid! You can run around!

–Fort Greene Park

Overheard by: Brooklyn Dodgy

Sassy inner-city mom to dawdling daughter: Get ovah here or I’m going to have to take out my imaginary belt.

–Tompkins Square Park

Mother, to five-year-old daughter picking up cookies: Is that what you eat at daddy’s house?

–The Food Emporium, 88th St

Overheard by: charlotte

Mother speaking sternly to her infant in the baby carriage: Capiche???

–53rd & 9th

Overheard by: AH Hell’s Kitchen

If Everybody’s Wearing Pants and Nobody Takes Your Wallet, It’s a Successful Commute

Crazy hobo, dancing and singing as he walks down the aisle: Yeah, yeah, yeahhhhhh… Yeahhh yeahhh yeahhh. And now for my grand finale! [pulls emergency break and exits car.]
Angry woman: Oh, hell no. He did not just do that. I knew he was gonna to do that shit.
Friend: Why didn’t you trip him or somethin’?
Angry woman: Are you fuckin’ kidding me? And get beat up by a crazy? Did ya’ll see that?!
Young woman: Fuck my life.

–D Train

Overheard by: KK

Chinese Fighting Shoe

Girl: What happened?
Guy: Man, that girl brushed up on me, so I turned around, and the bitch said, “Don’t fucking look at me!” and she slapped me!
Girl: Really?!
Guy: And then my girl just starting beating on her!
Girlfriend: Haha yeah! Did you see all that blood?
Guy: Girl must have been coked out for it to come spilling out like that.
Girl: It was crazy! We didn’t know what was going on!
Girlfriend: Its like that time at the club when I took off my shoe!

–Kellogg Diner, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Dirty Job, but Somebody’s Gotta Do Them

Conductor: Attention, everyone, we are not interviewing for train conductors! Stop trying to control the doors — that’s my job. We are, however, seeking passengers. Please enter the train and sit down to be interviewed for that position.

–1 train, 125th St

Overheard by: Jeff McCrum

Clearly intoxicated girl: I decided to go from working to doing a lot of drugs…

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: ADA

20-something: You know, I’m just lucky I have a job at all! I mean, I did go to state school!

–Morton & Hudson

Overheard by: Sam

Emo teen, running taking pictures: See, this is why I got fired from American Apparel — because I would come into work acting like this!

–Vanessa’s Dumplings, E 14th & 3rd

Overheard by: Maggie Elisabeth

Lady on a Bluetooth: Girl, you’ve got CEO dreams with a McDonald’s work ethic.

–W 60th St, between Columbus & Broadway

Loud man to loud friends: It was just him running around getting punched in his codpiece and yelling, ‘You killed my father.’ Yeah, I think he has a new job now.

–109th & Amsterdam