Archive for the ‘Punks’ Category

Everybody Needs a Wednesday One-Liner for a Pillow

Little kid: We're going to the city to get mommy titties!

–LIRR Train

Punk chick: This thing needs bazooms. I'm a punker chick with itty bitties.

–Midtown Office

Girl to female friend: Hey, did you know today is the three-year anniversary of my boobs?

–Union Square

Crazy lady trying to exchange a shirt: I can't go to work with my tits hanging out!

–Abercrombie & Fitch

Overheard by: me neither.

Chick on cell: In his defense, I forget about breasts, too.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Wednesday One-Liners Will Pass You a Note in Study Hall

Teen girl: The teacher was like, "Everybody did well on the oral part, that's a good thing, because I hadn't thought it was too long or hard." And then a kid in the back shouted, "That's what she said!"

–Times Square

Teen girl, after being hugged by two boys: Okay, which one of you fingered me?

–Outside Queens Center Mall

Overheard by: disgusted educator on bus

Teen on cell: Stuff? What the hell? Wait, stuff and things? What the fuck, man?!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual

Teenage boy: Every time you type "lol" a baby gets kicked in the head.

–150th & Columbus

Teen girl on cell: Why you always call me "ghetto?" I'm not ghetto. (long pause) Okay, I am! But I can't help it!

–Park Avenue

Overheard by: taylor

Teen punk girl on phone: Yeah, I kinda got to third in a dumpster… No! No, it was a clean dumpster!

–St Mark's & 2nd

Wednesday One-Liners Are Bursting with Fruit Flavor

Punk rocker to ghetto chick: Say…you ever been fucked by a smelly guy in a banana suit?

–J Train

Overheard by: Markthrone

Loud, laughing redhead on cell: Ha ha! I'll plant another pear tree, and that will be Tricia!

–W 57th St

Overheard by: Susan Volchok

Brosef to girls (oddly aggressively): Which do you like more, bananas or oranges? Say it!

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Rooting for bananas

Guy on cell: Did you order the poster of the banana?

–Central Park

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Overachiever mom to 5-year-old girl: No, I'm not saying that you have to have a piece of fruit. I'm saying that when we get there, you'll get to choose. It'll be your choice. You can choose fruit or you can choose a granola bar. (pause) Of course, fruit is the healthier choice.

–7th Ave & 26th St

Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Heavily tattooed man: So we started playing this game. We shoved grapes up her ass, and she had to drop them in a martini glass.

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Housey

Wednesday One-Liners You Can Take Home to Mom

20-something gal: I didn’t really like him, I just wanted a boyfriend.

–Fulton & Gold

Overheard by: Craig, Marykate and Maryanne

20-something girl on cell: What, my boyfriend? Oh, he’s with his wife tonight.

–Remsen & Clinton, Brooklyn

Flamboyantly gay man (to himself): He’s just jealous because I have a new boyfriend!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Liz

French woman, earnestly: I’m okay with him sleeping with my boyfriend as long as he starts paying for his own drinks.

–1020 Bar, 110th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Hipster bike punk: I call her my special lady friend and she calls me her gentlemen caller… because boyfriend and girlfriend are too possessive.

–Mud Bar, East Village

Overheard by: raf

Why James Dean Wouldn’t Be Able to Get Laid Today

Punk girl: Can I get a cigarette?
Punk boy: You don’t smoke, do you?
Punk girl: No.
Punk boy: You just wanted a fucking excuse to talk to me, didn’t you?
Punk girl: Not anymore, arrogant cocksucker. (walks away)
Punk boy: Wait! I changed my mind! Come back, I have a cigarette!

–St Mark’s Place

The Bluebirds Who Usually Do It Have the Day Off

Punk girl: So he said he really wants to get me really drunk again.
Punk friend: Why?
Punk girl: Because he said I’m as cute as a Care Bear.
Friend: What the hell does that mean?
Girl: Um, who cares? That’s so sweet… and I didn’t even sleep with him for it. Now help me push up my tits.

–Q Train

Overheard by: Ingss

“Let’s Get Ready to Wednesday One-Liiiiiiiner!”

Bimbette: So yesterday he called me to tell me that he’s going to beat my ass, and then he calls me today to ask if he can use my CD player.

–Staten Island Mall

Overheard by: Robert

Seven-year-old girl: She better watch herself before I pimp slap her.

–Amsterdam Projects

Girl, to rest of her punk skater group: But I be like: "Bitch, I don’t skate… I just beat bitches with it."

–Astor Place & Broadway

Overheard by: Jynx

Lady on cell: Is someone else going to smack you?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Krisztina

Man on cell: What… You flubbed what? Listen dude, I’m in midtown, but it’s too far a cab ride to come beat a grown man’s ass.

–W Hotel, 49th & Lex

Overheard by: Miami Hitman

Bus driver to angry man: You want a piece of this? There are 26 places on the body that can kill you instantly. I can hit 4 in one shot. You wanna dance?!

–M16 Bus

Overheard by: nora!

Wednesday One-Liners from H-E Double Hockey Sticks

Guy looking at books, to no one in particular: I don’t want to hear or see anything about the devil, demons, voodoo or big hairy black guys.

–Barnes & Noble

Overheard by: 153

Guy hawking pamphlets: How to sucker punch the devil right in the ass!

–W 12th & Brodway

Overheard by: Why didn’t I get that pamphlet?!

Coworker about colleague: Every time he comes by here the number 666 comes up.

–1250 Broadway

Punk kid, walking past a group of nuns: Hail Satan!

–Waverly & Greene

Professor: I don’t want to be saved, I want to go to hell. I’ll meet interesting people there!

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: Hopefully not me!

Crazy older lady screaming on cell: You what? You are buying soda? You are going to go to fucking hell! Don’t you remember the promise you made to god? You’re probably standing in line with some goddamn candy too. You are going to hell!

–W Train

Overheard by: DR G LUV