Archive for the ‘Punks’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners’ Eyes Are Bigger Than Their Stomachs

20-something woman: Is she a bialy in real life?

–Tomo sushi, 110th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred

Very large black woman on cell phone, bellowing: I don’t do no motherfucking corn bread! Why the fuck you always want corn bread, motherfucker?

–St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital, 114th & Amsterdam

Punk girl to another: I wish I was a muffin. But I’m not. I’m a human.

–B Train

Overheard by: id rather be a cupcake

Black Whole Foods employee to black whole Foods customer: You have to be raised on it, you hear me? I was raised on c-town, key foods. I ain’t gonna pay no 4 dollars for no eggs.

–Union Square Whole Foods

Clueless suit on cell: I’m just really bad at knowing if stuff is perishable or not. I just don’t know. Ok, so ice cream -that’s perishable, right? Butter -non-perishable. Caviar isn’t perishable either… Wait, what? Oh, butter is perishable? Wait, how do you know? Does perishable mean it has to be kept in the fridge? Ok, so does caviar have to be kept in the fridge?

–E 60th St

Angry 20-something on cell phone: Why? Why? Because I can’t eat spaghetti-o’s anymore!

–E 13th St & 1st Ave

Hot Wednesday-on-Wednesday One-Liners

Random guy, singing loudly: Leeeesbian seagull!

–South Street Sea Port

Overheard by: Ger-Man in New York

Thug: Shit! I have to get my teacher a present. Its so hard. She’s like butch… You know what I’m saying? Shes got short hair and don’t wear earrings -like that chick [points to a woman who can obviously hear the conversation and looks affronted.] Yeah lady, you like the pussy!

–F Train

Drunk girl: You wanna know why I’m a lesbian? When I was crawling out of my mothers vagina I tasted that shit. And that shit was good. I just had to keep going back for more.

–Odessa’s, Ave A

Overheard by: Dannia Alfonso

Hardcore lesbian tourist #1 to hardcore lesbian tourist #2: Hey! Beaver Street! Let’s eat down there.

–Beaver St , Hanover Square

Overheard by: WallStGuy

Black teen punk girl, arguing with boyfriend: No, I’m gonna go become a lesbian now. Big. Huge. Les. Bo.

–V Train

Overheard by: Jon A.

Buff guy: But now they’ll know I’m a lesbian.

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Colleen

Uncle Tom’s Wednesday One-Liners

Short, fat sista: If she was only around my age, then I wouldn’t mind a slave for life.

–27th & 7th

Overheard by: tuna on rye

White guy in scrubs: Wow. Now I know what it felt like to be in the bottom of a slave ship.

–Crowded Franklin Ave 2/3/4/5 platform, Brooklyn

Overheard by: pmd

Punk girl to friend: I’m going to make him my Ukrainian sex slave!

–N 4th St & Driggs Ave

Overheard by: Hipsterrrrrs

Dude: Yeah, well, let me say this in English — she got arrested for selling people…

–Madison Square Garden

Black girl watching Asian girl mop floor: Slavery is back!

–NYFA, Union Square

Overheard by: kswin

Wednesday One-Liners Are Gonna Buy You a Mocking Bird

Girl on cell: … That basically means your mother’s a whore.

–WaMu Bank, Staten Island

Overheard by: staten’s most hated

Guy: My mom was yelling at me, and at that moment I became aware of my consciousness. I mean, I really became aware of my being! I was at the top of the stairs, just thinking about the universe. That’s when I knew I really existed.

–Westway Diner

Thug: I’m gonna smack my mother’s monkey!

–Union Square

Overheard by: confabulation Nation

Employee on intercom: Yo’ mama, call extension 319*. Yo’ mama, 319.

–TJ Maxx, 6th Ave

Punk rocker to punk girlfriend: My mother knows what you are.

–11th & 1st

Young boy skipping by elevators, singing: Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back… [Begins stomping] Take that, mother! And that, mother! And that, mother…!

–Museum of Natural History

Overheard by: SBS