Archive for the ‘Queens’ Category

Well Met on Opening Day

Guy on cell: Hey, what’s up?…I’m at the Met game…The Mets are up 2 to 1, but Washington has 2 men on and nobody out…Two-one. No outs.
Guy #2: There’s one out.
Guy on cell: Oh, sorry. One out. We’ve been here since 8 and I’ve been drinking since 8:30. I’m wasted…Listen, Ma, I gotta go, I’m missing the game. He hangs up. Guy #1: My mother calls to get the score. Turn on the radio! –Shea Stadium Dude: Hey, Carlos! Steal second, I won’t tell anybody! –Shea Stadium Dude: Get off your knees; you’re blowing the game! –Shea Stadium

Why, Thank Ye Kindly, Grizzled Prospector Gal

Boy doing Chinese worksheet: This is so hard.
Friend: That's what she said!
(five minutes later)
Girl doing Chinese worksheet
: Oh my god, this is so hard.

Friend: That's what she said!
(five minutes later)
Another boy doing Chinese worksheet
: Dude, this is so hard.

Friend: That's what she said!
Girl at front of room: The next person to make that joke gets a pickaxe through the brain.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Wednesday One-Liners: So Lifelike!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would totally do it!

–Queens

Middle-aged Latino: I've got barbie dolls!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Newspaper vendor: Cause I have that multiple sneezing thing! I hate that crap! I'm like a bobble-head doll!

–96th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Galatea

Girl leaving nail salon: It looks like Malibu Barbie just threw up all over my feet.

–11th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Bill

Despondent little girl in coffee shop: Um, I don't play with the doll house that much because you said we're not supposed to play in the meditation room.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn