Archive for the ‘Queens’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Get Schooled

Guy leaving registration line: Yo,son, I'm a fucking college student!

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Girl to friend: If I blow off the first day of class to go to Nobu, am I really meant to be an MD?

–Nobu Restaurant, Tribeca

Crazy guy: School is good! School is very good! You can speak Chinese! You can speak Japanese! (counts to ten in Spanish.) School is good! School is very good!

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Hipster art student: He keeps giving us too many penis assignments. I don't wanna do another penis assignment.

–Pratt Institute

Blonde: My mom wants me to look at graduation dresses…yeah, let's see if I get there first.

–Austin St, Forest Hills

Wednesday One-Liners: The Forgotten Borough

Girl on cell: He's thinking of moving to Queens, and really I don't think we're going to be able to last through that.

–1 New York Plaza

Pretty 20-something on phone: So, I mean, I totally have a newfound appreciation for homicidal rages. Who the hell would ditch me for some ugly fag from Queens? Seriously, I should kill him. Or, just leave him in Queens…forever. Would that be a war crime?

–Wall Street

Overheard by: …I almost asked

30-something suit to another: I'll tell you though, it's not easy getting laid in Queens.

–Court St. & Montague

Overheard by: Kaiti

Enthusiastic, articulate conductor: As you can see, we're at the 21st Street stop! This is the first stop in Queens, soooo welcome to Queens! The next and final stop on this train is Courthouse Square. Now that we all know, let's be on our way!

–G Train

Overheard by: I wish this guy narrated all of my subway trips

Girl's in Queens for the first time: you can order milkshakes and cigarettes from the diner any time of night? This place is a fucking wonderland!

–Queens

He Hates Sweeping Up Shattered Ethnic Stereotypes

Old Jewish man: My doorman doesn't like me.
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: Why?
Old Jewish man: If I told you, you wouldn't believe it. I had a bunch of newspapers I had to throw out, but I had to put them in the recycling bin. So I was opening it up when a black woman said to me, “aw, sir, you don't have to go through the garbage!” and she gave me twenty dollars!
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: You didn't keep it, did you?
Old Jewish man: She dashed away down the stairs! I had to.
Younger retired Jewish man with dog: And the doorman saw that?
Old Jewish man: Uh-huh.

–Chase Bank, Queens Blvd

Wednesday One-Liners Are What She Said

Conductor: Please stop holding my doors open in the back! (pause, no change) Stop pushing open my doors in the back! (pause, no change) Hey, I don't want no more people squeezing through my openings in the back, okay?

–Q Train

Overexcited tourist dad to little girls: Alright, Jade*, blow the bubbles towards Leah*. Yes, towards her, like facing each other, so I can take a picture… When I tell you, okay? Perfect. Okay, now blow each other.

–Liberty Park

Suit: Well, it's not very large by adult standards, but it's big for what it is.

–Queens

Male office worker: My drawers are getting tight already.

–Broadway

Old woman: Would you like to give a donation to help feed our pussies?

–PETCO, Union Square

Overheard by: Lex

Glad We Cleared That Up

Elderly woman on cell: Rhoda! Rhoda! It’s Esther! DID YOU CALL ME? NO? Oh, well someone called me! I can’t believe it! Why would someone call me on this thing?! All I want to do is be able to make a call, I don’t want to have to deal with these messages and things! [Makes another call] NORMAN?! NORMAN? You called me?! Why in the world would you ever call me?! NORMAN? [To the rest of the car] It was my husband. –Penn Station-bound LIRR, near Jamaica Station

F–king with the Imports (NYC Short Stories)

Tourist lady: Does this A train go to Jamaica?
NY chick: The A train doesn’t go to Jamaica.
Tourist lady: Is this the A train?
NY chick: Yes.
Tourist lady: And it goes to Jamaica?
NY chick: The A train does not go to Jamaica.
Tourist lady: But I need the A train.
NY chick: This is it.
Tourist lady: I need the A train to Jamaica.
NY chick: The A train does not…Oh forget it. This is your train, lady, get on! –Times Square station Overheard by: Cat Tourist guy: Do you live here?…Excuse me, do you live here?
Black woman: Yeah, what do you want?
Tourist guy: Is this the 6 train?
Black woman: Yeah, sure.
Tourist guy: So it will take me to Grand Central?
Black woman: Yeah, no doubt…But it’s weekend, so you never know where the train is going to take you. –Q train Overheard by: Josh

Wednesday One-Liners Support a Woman's Right to Shoes

Woman on cell: I would totally bind my feet for a good pair of shoes if they didn't have them in my size.

–Queens Boulevard

Passing hobo to girl with violin case: You have very nice boots… for a musician.

–85th & Columbus

Overheard by: cisium

Lady on cell: Go to the bathroom? Put our shoes on? On my god!

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Drunk woman: I've been wearing high heels so long, my uterus is tilted!

–PATH

Overheard by: Best line I heard all night

Woman complaining on phone: He's wearing high-heels, and it's raining!

–2nd Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: Thommy Tuff Nutz