Archive for the ‘Queens’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Didn’t Mean It Like That

NYU nerdy chick on cell: The oral is going to be super hard. …But I think I’ll be good at it.

–NYU

Overheard by: kat

Clerk, to female co-worker: I keep my meat to the side.

–Walgreens, Atlantic Ave

Girl: Bite and suck, bite and suck, bite and suck!

–Szechuan Restaurant

Overheard by: tallierand

Female customer to employee: …the gum that has the things in it. She likes to chew on the ones with the blue balls.

–Duane Reade, Fresh Meadows

Overheard by: evan FM

College sophomore: … So yeah, I said "Mom, stop rotating my pickle!"

–USA #1 Deli, La Salle & Broadway

Overheard by: Xiao Hoah Dze

Father to younger son: So you like second base right?

–Douglaston Market, Queens

Overheard by: Noelle

But the Steak Was Rare

Barber #1: Yo, last night I had a steak.
Barber #2: Don’t tell me you had steak last night. Tell me you fucked some bitches last night. Tell me you got your ass licked last night. Tell me you farted in a chick’s mouth and her cheeks blew up last night.

–Barbershop, Queens

Overheard by: Nathaniel

Ew, Who Wednesday One-Linered?

Elderly janitor, watching pierced teenagers get in line: I'm gonna fart on one of these people.

–Broadway & Houston

Angry man on cell: They think they're so perfect, but I bet they piss and burp and fart like the rest of us.

–80th St & 34th Ave

Hobo: Can you spare some change? I need to buy some new underwear, I farted and shat in these.

–83rd St & Broadway

Overheard by: new girl in town

Tiny brunette: Have you ever had to pee so bad, and suddenly you fart and then you don't have to pee that badly anymore?

–7 Train

Young woman to friend: Yeah, and then she started fartin' a bunch. But she was farting out of her pussy. And Ashley got pissed, cause then, she started makin' a beat out of it.

–125th St & Lexington

Overheard by: Stephen