Archive for the ‘Queers’ Category

Un Film de Wednesday One-Liners

Russian guy on cell: I went to see Saw III. Best movie ever — the girl in front of me fainted in the beginning of the movie! Five minutes into the movie she just fainted, and her boyfriend started calling for help. I called an ambulance, they took her away… That movie was awesome!

–Brooklyn-bound Q train

Overenthusiastic male student: Oh! I met Borat! He goes to NYU, right?

–Hunter College

Guy to everyone in theater: Shhh, I’m recording this!

–Movie theater, Court St, Brooklyn

Blonde: Yeah, so I watch Brokeback Mountain like it’s my Bible. I hang on every word, ’cause I really want to know how gay people talk.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Stina

Guy on cell: 28 Days was just stupid. Zombies aren’t like that. Dawn of the Dead is the most realistic portrayal of zombies I’ve ever seen!

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Philip Niosi

Chick to hipsters: I did my first autopsy to The Wizard of Oz.

–The Village, near Mulberry

Overheard by: DC Diva

Though They Do Buy Pasta at Whole Foods…

Dude #1: Eh, those two cans should be okay.
Dude #2: No. That’s fucking not enough.
Dude #3: Dude, you’re not fucking listening to me — we’re only doubling the recipe, not quadrupling it. Stop just fucking thinking of yourself!
Dude #4: You’re not listening to me! Look at the fucking recipe — if we’ve got one pound of rigatoni…
Angry woman: Excuse me, there are children here. You need to watch your language.
Dude #1 to Dude #2: I will fucking slap you so hard…
Dude #3 to angry woman: My roommates actually aren’t gay…

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Wednesday One-Liners Always Have a Date

Man on cell: I had never used a dildo before, you know? It’s just never come up, I guess. So I think, ‘Okay, I’m not that young anymore — I’ll take what I can get…’ and it was going fine, but then I didn’t know you’re not supposed to shove it in that fast…

–14th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Peter L

Dude on cell: Why would I get the pink one? It’s not a dildo, it’s a back massager from Duane Reade.

–Christopher & 7th

Girl: I’ve got my Reisens and my vibrator, and I’m all set!

–Duane Reade, Montague & Court, Brooklyn

Young woman turning to male friend: So, bud, conquered any good buttplugs lately?

–6 train

Girl whispering: I think that girl in line behind me just read this text about rubber pussy cups!

–Victoria’s Secret dressing room

20-something guy to pals at brunch: I’m tired of being the guy with all the good sex toys!

–56th & 9th

It Strains Credulity How Many Different Kinds of Difference Exist

Guy: I can’t believe they used an Indian family for that commercial. For the love of God, their last name was Kumar-swami!
Queer: What kind of name is that? They definitely should have used a white family.
Guy: It was a Verizon commercial, for Christ’s sake. If you want to get racy, use a black family. But Kumar-swami — that is just too much!

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Kept Pitching the Advantages of the Compact Model

20-something girl: I once broke up with a guy because he was too small.
Queer: Yikes.
20-something girl: It wouldn’t have been a problem if he could have, you know, made up for it in other ways.
Queer: He wasn’t creative?
20-something girl: He was in advertising.

–26th St, between 7th & 8th

Regular Wednesday One-Liners

Woman: …Then they gave him enemas until it ran clear. Now he hasn’t had a movement in three days. Should I be worried?

–Subway

Suit: Yeah, I just left a floater in the upstairs bathroom.

–44th & 3rd

Ambiguously gay actor: Flowers come out. Girls do not poop, ever. Ever!

–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU

Overheard by: a girl who poops

Freshman chick: I am so not in the mood to take a shit right now.

–Restroom, Hunter College

Cherubic blonde chick to another: You know that ‘BM’ means poop, right?

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Suit-in-training: Oh, yeah, I do have to take a shit — I forgot.

–NYU Stern Building

Guy waiting for stall: Let’s go gang, push it out! We gotta go out here!

–Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: KeeZ