Two women are seated across from each other on the train. One has a long object in a soft-sided container.
First woman: Is that a bassoon?
Second woman: No. It’s a sword.
–C Train
Archive for the ‘Questions’ Category
A Book About You
Yuppie #1: I really want a drink
Drunk Homeless man (to Yuppie #2): What are you reading?
Yuppie #2: I’m reading a book on sobriety.
Drunk Homeless man (looking over her shoulder): Oh
Yuppie #2: Yes, it’s also about drug additions..valium, etc.
Drunk Homeless man: Really that’s interesting
– Union Square Park
Order Up
Taco Bell Lady: 1 Beef Burrito.
Customer: As in 296? Is that order 296?
Taco Bell Lady: Yeah.
Customer: Are you sure? I don’t want to take someone else’s.
Taco Bell Lady: Uh huh.
Customer [under his breath]: Do you know where you are?
–Taco Bell, West Village
No, We Don’t Sell Dictionaries
Customer: Is that banner going to be permanent?
Cashier: For a little while.
–Forbidden Planet
Fun at the Post Office
A young man apparently cuts the line at the PO.
Old Italian: Hey, there’s a line here buddy.
Young guy: I waited already, I got money orders.
Old Italian: I didn’t see you anywhere near the line.
Young guy: I got money orders before and now I’m mailing them.
Old Italian: We’ve all got orders. Geez, no one wants to wait on line any more. And now the guy’s serving him.
Young guy: Shut up.
Old Italian: Ah, get lost, you idiot. If I was five years younger I would put you up against the wall.
Postal Worker: Next.
Old Italian: How much to send this express mail?
Postal Worker: $13.65.
Old Italian: Maron.
–Bensonhurst
Those are some tambourines you have
Woman upon seeing a Mariachi band walk by: Why do they have tambourines on their legs? – Manhattan
Science without Science
Yuppie: I was just teaching the scientific method to my students.
Nerd: Oh, so you teach them induction and deduction?
Yuppie: [long pause] The students aren’t that smart so I don’t teach them big words like those.
– Party, Manhattan
Some Shot!
Young Woman: Are you part Italian?
Older Woman: I’m Italian by injection!
–Private party, NYC
Malice Goes to Style Court
Guy: Who would you rather have sex with? The girl with the lazy eye or the fat chick?
Girl: Lazy eye.
Guy: Yeah, she’s got a good body.
–Style Court Audience
Overheard by: Tibbie X
Classified by Race
Yuppie #1: “I never put my race down on those forms. Why should I be
classified by race?”
Yuppie #2: “I feel the same way about putting my height down on my driver’s
license.”