Archive for the ‘Rack’ Category

That's What I Was Afraid Of

Mousy teen girl: You know, a lot of people say I look like Paris Hilton. They say it's my facial features.
Trendy teen girl: Yeah… You know, even though Paris is really skinny and has big boobs, and that's exactly what guys want, her face is disgusting.
Mousy teen girl, looking down awkwardly: Yeah.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Miss Rach

Wednesday One-Liners, for Purely Medicinal Purposes

Guy wearing a promotional cardboard to another: I think I'm going to treat myself to health insurance next month.

–Broadway & 43rd St

Overheard by: Maria

Woman on phone: My urologist wanted to stick a microscope up my urethra! (pause) No! (pause) Because it's going to hurt!

–Vandam St & 6th Ave

20-something woman on cell: Yeah, the doctor told me not to exfoliate my labia.

–R Train

Overheard by: Note to self….

Bartender: I gotta get sexy for my doctor tomorrow. I'm gonna be like, "doctor, I need you to examine me. I need you to remove my garments." Nah… I'm just playin'. My doctor's cute, though. For real. I'm just gonna show some cleavage or somethin'.

–Jamaica, Queens

Woman on phone: She wants to be a doctor. She likes it when the guts fall out. (pause) No, she wouldn't do that. She's too lazy to be a serial killer.

–Fox Newsroom, 6th & 48th

Overheard by: Newsbunny

Wednesday One-Liners, Hosted by Rackspace

Woman on cell: He was here for ten days and he only touched my boobs twice!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: and my girlfriend would be upset if it were 10 minutes

Old thug passing three fat chicks on their way to a club: Explosion of titties!

–Myrtle Ave, Brooklyn

Hipster barista guy: A boob is just a moisturized bag of skin, seriously!

–Think Coffee

Overheard by: its to early for this conversation

Full-on punk guy: Dude! Shit is so good! I just want someone to squirt tahini all over my tits!

–St. Mark's Place

Overheard by: Dahlia

Girl on phone: Wait! What? No! Well, I do shit a lot. But I don't want to shit my boobs away!

–Times Square

Wednesday One-Liners Meet the Fail Whale

50-something man to friends: Have you heard about Twitter? It's a new way of communicating in short text messages. Each message is called a twoo… No, a tween. No, a twain. No, a twat… No, that's certainly not it.

–Lobby, Off Broadway Theater

Overheard by: another electric guy

Guy with iPhone: I have to twitter! Does the girl with the room above the high line know she's topless?

–The High Line

Woman, while waiting for film to start: Joan Rivers just tweeted.

–Chelsea Clearview Cinemas

Guy on cell: All those food trucks? I'm not into them, but those fucking homosexuals follow them on twitter.

–Waverly Place & MacDougal

Overheard by: Sally

Unassuming hipster with group of girl friends: Sometimes I drink just so I can tweet drunk.

–Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Middle aged woman dressed like a teen, hitting on baseball fan: Your cat could definitely have a twitter page.

–F Train

Raggedy Ann Got Soaked

Girl #1: How was babysitting yesterday?
Girl #2: Pretty good, but all of a sudden, in the middle of the park, the kid I was watching begins to breastfeed her doll… (silence) I'm not kidding.
Girl #1: Wow, that's fucked up.

–Barneys Co-Op, Spring St

How Do You Think I Got Into That Sorority?

Girl #1: I want to get pregnant in March. Let's get pregnant in march.
Girl #2: Wait, where are we now?
Girl #1: My uterus is ready.
Girl #2: I had a full checkup, and my uteri are great.
Girl #1: Oh my god, you have two uteruses? You are awesome! You have utters. You have yoo-utters!
Girl #2: Yeah, I have three breasts.

–Cafe near Columbia

Overheard by: DL

Wednesday One-Liners Get Jiggly With It

Dude: Do boobs need a reason?

–Perdition bar, 49th & 10th

Overheard by: Brokeass Harem

Guy: This is high school. Breasts are usually an effective way of determining gender.

–Stuyvesant High School

Old woman with Julie Andrews accent: I used to be quite buxom!

–Chinese Restaurant, 55th & 6th

Wife to husband: Did you see the tits on that Santa?

–Outside Penn Station, During SantaCon

Curvy woman on cell: Accessories? Oh please. My breasts are accessory enough.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Please Remain on the Line. Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Important to Us.

Usher: I will tell you once again: do not use your cell phone! I know how to wrestle!

–Theatre

Man: What kind of faggot has a 551 number?

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a friend of mine does

Drunk Long Island girl: I don't know! I guess my phone was on lock or unlock or whatever, but my boobs must have called you!

–W 10th St

Overheard by: max

Blonde NYU ditz, looking at BlackBerry: Wait… what area code is 718? That's like really far away, right?

–Sullivan & Bleecker

Overheard by: i actually laughed at her

Conductor: This is the train to Ronkonkoma, also known as "ko, hip hip hey and away we go." When using cell phones, please, keep it quiet, 'cause no one really wants to know what you're talkin' about.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Goober