Guy: She *is* stupid. But in this unbelievably sexy way, so you don't even care.
–10th St & 3rd Ave
16-year-old black girl, about Shia LaBeouf: He's the sexiest white boy. I'm gonna rape his ass.
–Battery Park
Teen girl on cell: I would never have sexy mushrooms in front of my mom.
–Time Warner Center
Overheard by: Scott
20-something girl on cell: Nah, I won't play second bitch! She's just mad because I always look nice and keep my sexy up.
–Park Slope
Archive for the ‘Rape’ Category
Would That Be a Trick or a Treat?
College girl #1: I want to go trick or treating now…
College girl #2: Yeah, totally.
College girl #1: I don't think anyone would give us candy though… We'd just get raped.
–Party City, 14th St & 5th Ave
The Teachings Of Wednesday One-Liners
Professor: I have nothing against horse rapists, generally speaking.
–New School University
Overheard by: Evan Gilmer
Psychology professor: Chocolate may make you feel good, but cocaine will make you feel a lot better!
–Barnard College
Elderly history professor: I'm not sure of the consequences of what I'm saying, but I'm sure it's terribly important.
–Pratt Institute
Serious professor, on Freud: What's the matter, Anne, are you thinking about penis envy?
–Classroom, Hunter College
Overheard by: Rara
Bearded professor: He drew an eye on the bird and asked me "do you know what this means?" (short pause) "I swallow." What do you say to that?
–94th St & Broadway
Overheard by: DI
Elderly professor: You two ladies in the back want to cut the bullshit and listen to my brilliance?
–Tisch School of the Arts
Overheard by: Bruce Lee
Especially the Little Squeeze at the End
Rite Aide worker #1: Yo, where are the keys?
Rite Aide worker #2: They're in my pocket… Jeez!
(Rite Aide worker #1 takes keys out of #2's pant pocket)
Rite Aide worker #2: Don't violate me!
Rite Aide worker #1: You know you like it.
–Rite Aide, Carrol Gardens
We've All Had This Conversation With a Credit Card Company
Man #1: Be reasonable, I know the money's slow but you're raping me!
Man #2: No, I'm not.
Man #1: You're raping me!
–Palmetto St, Bushwick
…Wanna See Some Adorable Snapshots?
Male cop: My brother got taken in for rape this morning. To jail.
Female cop: Yeah, one of my kids was arrested last week.
(both laugh)
–42nd St & Park Ave
Overheard by: Lynne
Ogle, Badtouch & Stalk Gets an Undeservedly Bad Rap
Girl: I mean, they treat you so well…
Guy: Yeah, it's not like they're raping you.
–1st Ave & 9th St
Overheard by: Erin
The Au Jus Of Wednesday One-Liners
11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It's like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!
–Tompkins Square Park
Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!
–90th St & 2nd Ave
Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I'm not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)
–D Train
Overheard by: seat changer
Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.
–W 23rd Street
Overheard by: Cool and Dry
Little girl: I don't like boys! They're mean and they sweat a lot!
–2nd & Ave A
Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I'm dripping cum!
–Hester & Allen
Overheard by: lower east side
Almost As Messed Up As Our Educational System
Girl #1: Did you hear about that thing in Africa?
Girl #2: What thing?
Girl #1: About how there aren't enough female elephants, so the males started raping rhinos.
Girl #2: Wow, I knew Africa was fucked up, but even the animals go around raping and stuff. What a messed up country!
–Wagner College
…Repeatedly
Girl: If I ever met Johnny Depp, I'd rape him.
Boy: How does a woman rape a man?
Girl: If I ever met Johnny Depp, you'd find out.
–S54 Bus, Staten Island
Overheard by: Tracy