Archive for the ‘Rape’ Category

In the Name Of the Father, the Son, and the Wednesday One-Liner

Husband pushing carriage to wife: You're lucky I'm on my way to church right now, or I'd kill you. –Upper West Side Chick on cell: But the real question is, is he Catholic? And an insomniac? –113th & Broadway Overheard by: Poogins Sequined Australian drag queen: Well, I know an Antichrist religion when I see it. –2nd St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Alisha Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was little, but like I don't believe him. –Butler Library, Columbia University Train conductor: 110th Street, Cathedral Parkway. There are churches here, you know. –1 Train Man to woman, after getting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I gotta get over there before she's got to go to church. –Q Train Overheard by: spygirl

Grandpa’s So Inconsiderate

Hipster boy: I came home, and his shit was all open on my computer.
Hipster girl: He was on it again?!
Hipster boy: Yeah, and it was, like, rape videos he had downloaded. I sit down and it’s like rape, rape, rape. I don’t care if he uses my computer, but I don’t need to see that shit!
Hipster girl: For real. –S 1st & Bedford Overheard by: redshift

Wednesday One-Linerbation

Big old lady yelling at MTA employee: Of course they're not coming! They're too busy fucking! Masturbating! Eating donuts! –53rd & Lexington Subway Station Girl to friend: Oh my god, he does things to me that make masturbation seem like bland oatmeal! –14th & 3rd Overheard by: TheOneThatGotAway Teen to friend: Seriously, if I was a guy for a day, all I'd do is piss standing up and masturbate. –Queens Center Food Court Guy on cell: Dude, if I didn't jerk off a couple times a day I'm pretty sure I'd be a serial rapist. –Penn Station Short nerdy businessman to another: I didn't know I was going out with her when I beat off. –15th St & 9th St Overheard by: Spicoli Blond scruffy short man on headset: Do you really think girls would go for that? You think a girl would, for a chance to win $500, watch me masturbate? –R Train

Someone Has to Set Our Gender Back

College girl #1: Yeah, she’s afraid to go out anywhere. She always thinks she’s going to get raped.
College girl #2: I don’t understand the big deal about rape. If it happened to me I’d be like, ‘Oh, well, it was bound to happen.’
College girl #3: Haha, you’d probably like it.
College girl #2, nodding: Yeah, I would. –Elevator in apartment building Overheard by: Neil

McDonald’s? Are You Trying to Kill Me?

Barefoot hobo grabbing tourist by shoulders: Gimme your shoes, nigga!
Blonde tourist #1: Take my McDonald’s! Don’t rape me!
Blonde tourist #2: Rape her! She’s prettier than me! –15th & 5th, Brooklyn Overheard by: Julieee