Archive for the ‘Rape’ Category

I Like It Better When They Talk About Starbucks

Guy on cell: OK, well, be safe. If you get raped make sure he wears a condom. –Williamsburg Overheard by: Daniel Girl: Don’t let me talk to boys after I take blue pills. –31st & 2nd Girl #1: Sometimes he like to rape my ass.
Girl #2: Ew! Hee hee. –outside The Brooklyn Museum Overheard by: Josh Neufeld Girl #1: Well, she was raped.
Girl #2: I wasn’t really raped. –Vertigo, 26th & 3rd Yuppie chick #1: Sweetie, you’re going to get raped dressed like that.
Yuppie chick #2: No. I have an umbrella. –Delancey & Allen Overheard by: Mitchell Linetti

Wednesday One-Liners Want to Know What Makes the Law & Order Sound

Law professor: Sometimes you just want to tell your client, "Wake the fuck up!" –NYU Law School Law student on cell: Well, it's hard to locate them, since I don't know who they are. –Columbia Law School Overheard by: arctinus Older looking woman on cell: No, don't fight him, Henry. We're Jewish. God gave us lawyers for a reason. –42nd & Avenue of the Americas Overheard by: Elizabeth Awesome judge: If you do not have a basic understanding of the English language, you will not be able to serve. If you cannot understand what I'm saying, please come up now. Now, two translators will translate what I just said. If you understood what I said, obviously don't come up here. –Supreme Court Building Suit to girl: You must be a lawyer. (pause) Or a cunt. –Bryant Park Overheard by: How did he know? Thug: Don't say anything to her! Don't you know anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law? –132nd & St. Nicholas Drunk lawyer on phone: Yeah! I convict rape victims. –Outside Shea Stadium

The Gossip Girl Scene That Never Made It to Air

Teen boy #1: I don't like any of her family except her mom. She's okay.
Teen boy #2: Her mom is crazy, yo. I want to rape her with this umbrella. I bet you if I fucked her, she wouldn't even remember, she's so crazy. Wouldn't it be cool if there were a hot chick, like 21, with Alzheimer's and you fucked the shit out of her and then the next day she couldn't remember? –Q44 Bus Overheard by: Collegiate Cutie

Wednesday One-Liners and the Utterly Unsatisfying Conclusion

Guy, in chinese: Do you think I'm Harry Potter? –Vivi Bubble Tea Bar Girl on cell outside art bar: And I was like "Dumbledore, try some jeans." –8th Ave & Horatio St Overheard by: Jean Ann Cute girl graduating to friend: I hate gowns… How does Harry Potter stand it? –Columbia University Business School Graduation Overheard by: Jen Guy, after watching new Harry Potter movie: Man… that's it? That was a lap dance! –42nd Street Movie Theater Crazy woman wrapped in shawls: I'd kidnap and fuck Harry Potter for an eight ball of coke. (to onlooker) Why aren't you at work? –Brooklyn Theater Overheard by: JesseJack (I've got a Job)

Six Wednesday One-Liners Under

Girl on phone: Did he actually try to kill you, or is this like the time at the supermarket when you thought the cashier was coming onto you because he touched your hand giving you change? –Time Square HR person: I don't want to whack her until I have to. But I probably will. –Broadway Little boy to mom: Mommy, what does it feel like to die? –7th & Carroll, Park Slope Well-dressed man on cell: I know, we need to make sure that none of them live. –8th St & Broadway Seven-year-old girl to mom, after being scolded: I'm going to kill you. –4 Train Long Island woman: Well, sure, it's a great place if you want to be raped and murdered every day. –LIRR Overheard by: Cori

And If It’s a Miscarriage?

Guy: …And I said, “Thanks”, and that I would rape the shit outta her later.
Girl: And I said, “Oh yay, I’m gonna have a little rape baby.”
Guy: And we would name her Janelle. –45th & Broadway Overheard by: Chad

She's More Interested in the Facts Than Fox News

Stone cold crazy panhandler lady, entering subway car: That man in the brown jacket, who's gonna tell you not to give me money, he's the JonBenet Ramsey rapist.
Impressed observer, reaching for wallet: That was definitely worth a dollar.
Stone cold crazy panhandler lady, walking on: And then in Carrie, they put the blood on the people and then they jerked off the dog.
Impressed observer: I should have given her two dollars. –Downtown D Train Overheard by: stephie