Archive for the ‘Rape’ Category

Six Wednesday One-Liners Under

Girl on phone: Did he actually try to kill you, or is this like the time at the supermarket when you thought the cashier was coming onto you because he touched your hand giving you change? –Time Square HR person: I don't want to whack her until I have to. But I probably will. –Broadway Little boy to mom: Mommy, what does it feel like to die? –7th & Carroll, Park Slope Well-dressed man on cell: I know, we need to make sure that none of them live. –8th St & Broadway Seven-year-old girl to mom, after being scolded: I'm going to kill you. –4 Train Long Island woman: Well, sure, it's a great place if you want to be raped and murdered every day. –LIRR Overheard by: Cori

And If It’s a Miscarriage?

Guy: …And I said, “Thanks”, and that I would rape the shit outta her later.
Girl: And I said, “Oh yay, I’m gonna have a little rape baby.”
Guy: And we would name her Janelle. –45th & Broadway Overheard by: Chad

She's More Interested in the Facts Than Fox News

Stone cold crazy panhandler lady, entering subway car: That man in the brown jacket, who's gonna tell you not to give me money, he's the JonBenet Ramsey rapist.
Impressed observer, reaching for wallet: That was definitely worth a dollar.
Stone cold crazy panhandler lady, walking on: And then in Carrie, they put the blood on the people and then they jerked off the dog.
Impressed observer: I should have given her two dollars. –Downtown D Train Overheard by: stephie

Wednesday “It”-Liners

Guy: She *is* stupid. But in this unbelievably sexy way, so you don't even care. –10th St & 3rd Ave 16-year-old black girl, about Shia LaBeouf: He's the sexiest white boy. I'm gonna rape his ass. –Battery Park Teen girl on cell: I would never have sexy mushrooms in front of my mom. –Time Warner Center Overheard by: Scott 20-something girl on cell: Nah, I won't play second bitch! She's just mad because I always look nice and keep my sexy up. –Park Slope

The Teachings Of Wednesday One-Liners

Professor: I have nothing against horse rapists, generally speaking. –New School University Overheard by: Evan Gilmer Psychology professor: Chocolate may make you feel good, but cocaine will make you feel a lot better! –Barnard College Elderly history professor: I'm not sure of the consequences of what I'm saying, but I'm sure it's terribly important. –Pratt Institute Serious professor, on Freud: What's the matter, Anne, are you thinking about penis envy? –Classroom, Hunter College Overheard by: Rara Bearded professor: He drew an eye on the bird and asked me "do you know what this means?" (short pause) "I swallow." What do you say to that? –94th St & Broadway Overheard by: DI Elderly professor: You two ladies in the back want to cut the bullshit and listen to my brilliance? –Tisch School of the Arts Overheard by: Bruce Lee

The Au Jus Of Wednesday One-Liners

11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It's like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices! –Tompkins Square Park Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit! –90th St & 2nd Ave Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I'm not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over) –D Train Overheard by: seat changer Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck. –W 23rd Street Overheard by: Cool and Dry Little girl: I don't like boys! They're mean and they sweat a lot! –2nd & Ave A Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I'm dripping cum! –Hester & Allen Overheard by: lower east side