Archive for the ‘Real Estate’ Category

Owner: Actually, I Like a Gentle Up-and-Down Motion — The Roughened Tongue Will Be Ideal

Broker: This is not a pet-friendly property.
Girl: Does it matter if my cat is toilet-trained?
Broker: I don’t understand.
Girl: My cat doesn’t have a litter box. It uses the toilet. Does that help?
Broker: I am not sure if that makes a difference. How did you do it?
Girl: I used a training kit. CitiKitty.
Broker: It might impress the owner, but I am not sure it makes a difference. Does your cat flush?
Girl: It will if that helps me get the apartment.

–82nd & Columbus

How About a Studio on Poser Place?

Hipster #1: So, I’m going to buy a place. I can’t afford much, but I’m totally willing to go ghetto.
Hipster #2: Really? You know you can get some pretty good deals a few stops on the G line.
Hipster #1: Dude! I said I was willing to go ghetto, not live on the G!

–Metropolitan & Lorimer, Brooklyn

Overheard by: JP

It Involves Double Indemnity

Biker dude #1: I’m staying at that hotel, down by…93rd and 3rd.
Biker dude #2: Oh yeah?
Biker dude #1: Yeah, that’s where I tried to commit suicide.
Biker dude #2: What do you pay a week down there?
Biker dude #1: I got a good deal going with the guy down there. –6th Ave & 14th St, Gowanus, Brooklyn

Hobos Just Can’t Close

Realtor guy:…and the area is really gentrifying quite nicely…very safe. The people from the projects never come over to this side of the neighborhood, so it’s a great place to raise a family. Homeless passerby pushing a wheelbarrow full of junk: Could you folks help me out with some money to buy food? Give me money. I haven’t eaten in three days. Realtor guy: Sorry, I… I work on commission. [To his clients]
This happens even in Cobble Hill. The husband and wife walk towards their car. Homeless guy: Come on man, I’m hungry! Realtor guy: Fuck you, you just cost me a commission! –Dwight & Dikeman, Red Hook Overheard by: Paul J. Pinizzotto