Woman: I find the suburbs to be extremely frightening. I know they all have air conditioning, but still…
–6 train
Twentysomething guy: The quality of life here is so bad…I mean, if you enjoy drinking all night and having random sex, you’ll like living in New York.
–5th Ave & 9th St
Archive for the ‘Real Estate’ Category
When the Bubble Bursts, a BJ Will Do It
Twentysomething girl: So, you think I should tell him I’ll sleep with him for that apartment?
Supportive friend: Oh, absolutely.
–2nd Ave station
Anthony Washed Out of St. Louis
Realtor #1: New York is a great place to move to. They say if you can’t make it here, you can’t make it anywhere.
Realtor #2: Anthony, that’s not what they say. It goes, “if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere.”
–2nd & Houston
Hobos Just Can’t Close
Realtor guy:…and the area is really gentrifying quite nicely…very safe. The people from the projects never come over to this side of the neighborhood, so it’s a great place to raise a family.
Homeless passerby pushing a wheelbarrow full of junk: Could you folks help me out with some money to buy food? Give me money. I haven’t eaten in three days.
Realtor guy: Sorry, I… I work on commission. [To his clients]
This happens even in Cobble Hill.
The husband and wife walk towards their car.
Homeless guy: Come on man, I’m hungry!
Realtor guy: Fuck you, you just cost me a commission!
–Dwight & Dikeman, Red Hook
Overheard by: Paul J. Pinizzotto
Those Are Kwans
Chick #1: So she’s in San Francisco and can’t decide if she likes it enough to move there, so she makes a list of pros and cons.
Chick #2: What are the cons?
Chick #1: Well, the first one is, “too many Asians”.
–Cafe Centosette, 2nd Avenue
Tom Petty Has Some Ominous Backstory
Guy #1: Someone shouldn’t be naked in your apartment if you don’t know his name.
Guy #2: Unless he’s a refugee.
–45th & 10th
Overheard by: Nick Salvato
50 States plus Wednesday One-liners
Mom: Indiana isn’t a state; I’m not sure it will be on there…Oh. –JFK Overheard by: Pierre-François Dubois
Three Months There is Pretty Dumb
Polish man: Her 3 bedroom apartment in Williamsburg is empty for 9 months every year!
American man: What am I missing here?
Polish man: She’s an idiot!
–Union Square
Color Me Wednesday One-liners
Queer: Hey, the red is looking really good on you. That’s gonna be the next color of my living room walls, like God had a nosebleed! –Tekserve, West 23rd Street
Mustn’t…Write…”Bitches”…Headline…
Guy #1: I shouldn’t even pay rent in my house, I’m out so much. I should be homeless; I’m barely ever there.
Guy #2: You could live at the ASPCA!
Guy #1: Yeah, the ASPCA. It’s a good place to live. My ex-girlfriends live there.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Staten Island
Overheard by: Barnaby McSwooptang