Archive for the ‘Real Estate’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Hallah Back

Chick complaining about looking for roommates: The problem with today is that everybody’s Jewish. –Dobbin & Norman Overheard by: Sam Tresler Young quasi-gangster to friends: Even if you’re not Jewish, you’re, like… Jewish. –Post-Yankees game on B train Overheard by: Indiana Tourist chick: How, how, how can there be no Jewish deli? All I want is a tongue sandwich and a fucking piece of pizza! –Grand Central Station Overheard by: X-tal Lady suit: Are you saying you’d rather be with a Jewish person than a wife-beater? –18th & 6th Overheard by: emily JAP: Shiksas are totally not allowed on Jdate! –71st & Columbus Overheard by: DebDan Chick in stall to friend: It must be a Jewish thing, but whenever there’s food around I have to eat it — even if I’m not hungry. –Restroom, Loews Cinema, 11th & 3rd Ave Overheard by: Em Queer: No, like, of course you’re not Jewish. I just wanted to check before I dissed the Jews. –113th & Broadway Overheard by: hilla

Owner: Actually, I Like a Gentle Up-and-Down Motion — The Roughened Tongue Will Be Ideal

Broker: This is not a pet-friendly property.
Girl: Does it matter if my cat is toilet-trained?
Broker: I don’t understand.
Girl: My cat doesn’t have a litter box. It uses the toilet. Does that help?
Broker: I am not sure if that makes a difference. How did you do it?
Girl: I used a training kit. CitiKitty.
Broker: It might impress the owner, but I am not sure it makes a difference. Does your cat flush?
Girl: It will if that helps me get the apartment. –82nd & Columbus

It Involves Double Indemnity

Biker dude #1: I’m staying at that hotel, down by…93rd and 3rd.
Biker dude #2: Oh yeah?
Biker dude #1: Yeah, that’s where I tried to commit suicide.
Biker dude #2: What do you pay a week down there?
Biker dude #1: I got a good deal going with the guy down there. –6th Ave & 14th St, Gowanus, Brooklyn