Archive for the ‘Rednecks’ Category

… And Patronize Our Vendors

A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the middle of the block, causing two suits and several other people to crash into them.

Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you idiots! There are people walking behind you!
Tourist mom: You don’t have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He’s rude? You clearly see this is a busy sidewalk, and yet you stop dead in the middle and block all traffic!
Tourist mom: He didn’t have to say it so rude — we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that somehow excuse your being idiots and stopping in the middle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Tennessee!
Suit #2: That explains the idiocy, but it still isn’t an excuse.
Tourist mom: That was unnecessary!
Suit #1: Perhaps, but it’s true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more polite: Welcome to New York. Slow walking idiots prone to stopping for no reason stay to the fucking right of busy sidewalks, and don’t get in the way of the non-mentally impaired locals. Now fuck off.

–50th & 6th

Bow, a Beer, a Redneck Beer; Ray, Your Incest-Begotten Son…

Hick tourist #1: Why don’t we get off at the next stop… Bow Ray? Bow Ray?
Hick tourist #2: Bowery.

–Brooklyn-bound J train, approaching Canal St

Overheard by: there’s no e in tracy

Headline by: Jatmos

· “1 child left behind” – Reekuhhhh!
· “And ‘SoHo’ Has a Whole Other Meaning Once You’ve Crossed the Mason-Dixon” – julietaroja
· “From the people who brought you nuc-u-lar” – Krisztina
· “Hicked on Phonics did not work at all” – Darvio Harvo
· “If at first you don’t succeed, try the exact same thing again” – Nathan Logan
· “It’s never too early for a Steve Irwin joke.” – hauptman
· “Same situation, but the passerby would call them “Cletus”” – Julie
· “They should probably take off those white hoods before stepping foot in the poetry club.” – erak
· “Tomato, tomater” – Lennyb
· “That sounds kinda gay, Cletus.” – Rich Anderson
· “Why didn’t we let them secede again?” – Nathaniel

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Clearly They Know Better Than to Ask Directions

Tourist #1: Y’all! Didya look at the map? It weren’t on the map, I’m tellin’ ya!
Tourist #2: I’m lookin’ right here at this map an’ it don’t say nothin’ that I don’t already know.

Tourists #2 and #3 start to cross the street.

Tourist #1, screaming: Y’all! It ain’t that way!
Tourist #3: Stop talkin’ so damn country. You gonna get us shot!

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Vicky

Oh, Just Like You Bringing Me to Orgasm?

Texan mom: It says here that the French gave this statue as a gift.
Texan dad: Ain’t no way France coulda sent that. They ain’t got no boat big enough.
Texan mom: But it says here…
Texan dad: Ain’t possible means ain’t possible. Gittit?

–Liberty Island

Overheard by: Colman