Archive for the ‘Rednecks’ Category

If by “Discount Shopping” You Mean “Anonymous Barebacking”

Young girl with Texan accent #1: What’s Soho?
Young girl with Texan accent #2: Oh, that’s like where they have all the discount shopping places. –R train Headline by: dan Runners-Up:
· “Bush Twins…….Activate!” – stephie
· “In Texas, We Call It Mexico…” – Michael Haigh
· “There’s a Wal-Mart in SoHo?” – Chuckles
· “They Were Disappointed with DUMBO, Too.” – nick
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

… And Patronize Our Vendors

A tourist mom with three teens in tow halts in the middle of the block, causing two suits and several other people to crash into them. Suit #1: For the love of God, move, you idiots! There are people walking behind you!
Tourist mom: You don’t have to be so rude!
Suit #2: He’s rude? You clearly see this is a busy sidewalk, and yet you stop dead in the middle and block all traffic!
Tourist mom: He didn’t have to say it so rude — we are not from around here!
Suit #1: And does that somehow excuse your being idiots and stopping in the middle of a busy street?
Tourist mom: At least we are not so rude in Tennessee!
Suit #2: That explains the idiocy, but it still isn’t an excuse.
Tourist mom: That was unnecessary!
Suit #1: Perhaps, but it’s true.
Suit #2: Here, maybe this is more polite: Welcome to New York. Slow walking idiots prone to stopping for no reason stay to the fucking right of busy sidewalks, and don’t get in the way of the non-mentally impaired locals. Now fuck off. –50th & 6th

Clearly They Know Better Than to Ask Directions

Tourist #1: Y’all! Didya look at the map? It weren’t on the map, I’m tellin’ ya!
Tourist #2: I’m lookin’ right here at this map an’ it don’t say nothin’ that I don’t already know. Tourists #2 and #3 start to cross the street. Tourist #1, screaming: Y’all! It ain’t that way!
Tourist #3: Stop talkin’ so damn country. You gonna get us shot! –Rockefeller Center Overheard by: Vicky

Oh, Just Like You Bringing Me to Orgasm?

Texan mom: It says here that the French gave this statue as a gift.
Texan dad: Ain’t no way France coulda sent that. They ain’t got no boat big enough.
Texan mom: But it says here…
Texan dad: Ain’t possible means ain’t possible. Gittit? –Liberty Island Overheard by: Colman