Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

And I Love You, Horns and All

Guy: I am really excited about our trip to Germany in the summer. We have to make sure to stop in Frankfurt to meet my family.
Girl: I am kind of nervous about meeting your grandfather since your mom said he was a Nazi and I am Jewish.
Guy: My grandfather is just a mild Nazi. He only believes in the conspiracy theories about Jews.
Girl: Well, I don’t care that your grandfather’s a Nazi. I love you.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Cannelle

It’s Wednesday One-liners, Baby

Teen girl on cell: …you just gotta sit him down and say we’re both pregnant by him and we wanna know if we can get along! –Canal Street JHS boy: Let’s make like a fetus and head out. –Broadway & Washington Place Drunk girl: How could I be pregnant? I like women! –Times Square Thug on cell: Nigga, how you been? Shit, I had five kids since I last seen you! –Elizabeth & Prince Guy on cell: Do we have to wash you and shave you and put a diaper on you before tonight? –Penn Station Overheard by: djlindee

The Way I Open My Heart and You Perform Surgery on It

Unfortunate-looking guy: …and I met this girl there so I'm pretty excited to go back.
Female friend: Is she blind?
Unfortunate-looking guy: No, she's actually a brunette and she's got freckles.
Female friend: No, I asked you if she was blind.
Unfortunate-looking guy: I missed you so much.

–Staten Island Ferry

Overheard by: Lauren

Wednesday One-Liners Think Globally, Act Locally

Hobo: Give Germany brain cancer! Fire laser beams into the back of the brain of Germany! Men, women, retarded children! Make Germany lose their memory!

–New York Public Library Guido on cell: Write this down. It’s P, O, A with two dots on it, N, G. It’s a chair. Poang. Two dots. Two dots. Above. How the fuck should I know? It’s Swedish.

–IKEA, Elizabeth

Overheard by: Rich Mintz JAP: OK, Brittney, so he got blown up in Israel. Everyone gets blown up in Israel!

–Harry’s Burritos, Thompson & 3rd Queer: See, the problem is, you go to France and there are a ton of cute guys, but they’re all French. You go to Italy, cute guys everywhere, but they’re all Italian.

–47th & 9th

Overheard by: Jack Lienke Guy on cell: If I made out with a Venezuelan, does that mean I’m on a government watch list?

–49th & 9th

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson Barista: Can you grab me a tall Ethiopian by the neck? –Starbucks, Grand Central Suit on cell: And I said, fuck, yeah, it was the best damn sushi I ever had! Who gives a fuck if we were in Alabama… those fuckers were still Japanese, you know?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Who doesn’t love the South?

Third-Wave Feminism Has Been Something Of a Disappointment

Brunette: You and your boyfriend make a cute couple!
Blonde: Ugh! Why do people keep saying that?
Brunette: So why are you with him?
Blonde: Well, you know… Whenever I need a little… (gestures “cash”)
Brunette: Oh! Did I tell you about sugardaddy.com?
Blonde: I made a profile yesterday!
Brunette: Yes!
(girls laugh and high-five)

–6 Train

Overheard by: poor guy

That's Brilliant! Let's Make Out!

Worried girl: I don't know what to do. I just met her, but she texts me non stop. Once I got off the plane, I had a text from her saying: “how's New York?” I didn't respond. It's weird.
Guy: Does she think you're a dyke?
Worried girl: I don't know. I told her my boyfriend and I broke up. I don't know why she'd think that.
Other girl: You should've responded to her text saying something like: “New York is great, I'm just sucking on some guy's dick right now.”

–Meatpacking District