Pretty girl: I wish my boyfriend loved me more than he loves weed.
Less pretty friend: But you only like him for his weed.
Pretty girl: Oh yeah… Still.
–Penn Station
Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category
In the Movies, Their Spouses Would Run Away Together
Woman in dress, after smooching with guy: But how?
Guy: Don't worry baby, I already told about you to my wife.
Woman in dress: Aww, baby…
–31st St & Broadway
…You Should've Kept the 19-Year-Old on the Side!
50-something guy #1: I mean, I like being with her, I just feel we have nothing to talk about.
50-something guy #2: You have to admit it wasn't really the conversation you got into the relationship for.
50-something guy #1: I know. But I still wish we connected more.
50-something guy #2, exasperated, suddenly much louder: Well, then you shouldn't have left your wife for a 19-year old!
–Asphalt Green Gym
Overheard by: Richard
But You Married Him!
Girl #1: You don't like him.
Girl #2: You don't even like him–and you date him!
–New York Law School
Whereas Alanis Morissette Really Likes Me.
Guy: I went out with this girl recently, she was nice. I'm gonna see if she calls.
Girl: What? You're not gonna call her?
Guy: I think it takes some effort on her part, she should text or call and say thank you.
Girl: I usually do it the night of the date, saying thank you.
Guy: I think that's a sign that she doesn't like me.
Girl: I don't think so.
–LIRR
That Is So Wrong! You Never End a Sentence with a Preposition.
Evangelist, screaming to crowd: Fornication is wrong! It only leads to more sin!
Girl on cell: Should I go tell this evangelist that I'm on my way home to fornicate with my Jewish boyfriend that I'm living in sin with?
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Is That Slang for a Beejer?
French tourist girlfriend, arguing with boyfriend: Do you think I'm not being serious?I can't take it anymore!
French tourist boyfriend, with constant little smile: Tu trouverais pas cela plus stylé d'aller au bord de l'eau? (“Don't you think it would be much nicer to go on the waterfront?”)
(girlfriend leaves)
–Wall Street
Overheard by: Tom
I Prefer to Think Of Her As the Fountain Of Eternal Poon
Upright bassist: I want a really hot girlfriend who's like The Giving Tree, y'know, by Shel Silverstein.
More upright guitarist: Like, who gives and gives and never wants in return? Get real, man.
Bassist: I can dream, man.
–Union Square
Overheard by: The Glump
Whee! It's Nonsensical Quote Day!
Girl #1: I'm sorry, Kelly, but if they are the poster child for good relationships, then Hitler should be on their poster.
–12th & 5th
Frau Blücher: He Vass My Vednesday Vun-Liner!
Guy to girl in subway: I was your boyfriend in third grade, don't you remember? You left me for Tyrone because he had the 64-pack of crayons.
–BX 41 Bus
Overheard by: Stacey V
Slutty hipster on cell: Why do you keep saying "Jew" boyfriend?
–Bowery & 4th
Girl to friend: Wait, do you mean my boyfriends in general, or just my Jewish boyfriends?
–David's 24-Hour Bakery
Overheard by: Caroline
Male economics professor: You get your first boyfriend, and your satisfaction is huge. But then, you get three more boyfriends. Have any of you experienced having four boyfriends? Sometimes, they give you a headache.
–Pratt Institute