Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Less Than Truthful Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize for the delay. I promise it will never. happen. again. –uptown C train Man screaming on cell : Nah, I didn’t lie to you about nuthin’. [Pause] Even if I did lie, I sho’ wouldn’t tell you about it! –43rd & 6th Overheard by: C Mike

If It Is a Good Morning…Which I Doubt

Man on cell: Good morning! How are you?
Man: Tell me the bad news…
Man: No, really… Tell me the bad news
Man: You’re PREGNANT? How did that happen?
Man: I know how it happened…but I mean…I thought you were on the pill!
Man: Well, what are we going to do about this? [pause] I can’t have a kid with you. [pause] I’M MARRIED! –47th & Avenue of the Americas Overheard by: Cynthia Frawley

Puerto Rican Pride

Female Police Officer: So he calls me at 1:59 and tells me, ‘I’m out with the guys and I won’t be able to be home by 2.’ So I say to him, ‘Just don’t come home at 6 am!’ and he says okay and then he comes home at 5:59!
Male Police Officer: Why do you put up with this?
Female Police Officer: Because once you go Puerto Rican, you never go a-seekin’! –Precinct 90, Williamsburg

Romance Is Dead, but Wednesday One-Liners Keep on Coming

Guy to girlfriend: Will you just hold my fucking hand?

–45th & Broadway

Overheard by: waiting for my prince charming Guy: You know, I used to think cheating on girls was wrong.

–Whitestone, Queens

Overheard by: Michelle Young woman, looking at Lolita book jacket: Wow. This kind of reminds me of my relationship. –Borders, 33rd & 7th Overheard by: with a K Man on cell: No, dear, I do not want to hear what you’re doing to yourself right now.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Alexandra Woman, to man she’s just kissed: What was your name again?

–2nd St & 1st Ave Man on cell: My wife is driving me crazy! She keeps following my girlfriend around! Wait, hold on, I have to take this call. Hello…Yeah I just stepped out of the office for a few minutes… Thanks, honey, you’re the best. –LIRR Overheard by: Sara Swank Girl on cell: He liked me too much, so I fuckin’ dumped him. –Columbus Circle Overheard by: buffalo

I Need to Trade Up While I Still Have the Downpayment

Chick: My boyfriend told me that we shouldn’t keep our bank accounts together anymore. That way, when he bought the ring it would come out of his money, not our money.
Coworker: Awww, that’s sweet! What did you say?
Chick: I said that was a good idea… Which it is, because we’ll have to do it eventually when we break up. There is no way I’m gonna marry him.

–Vesey & West Side Hwy

Overheard by: On the periphery