Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Judge Us by the Hotdogs in Our Hands and the Beer Spouting From Our Hats

Chick leaving bar to friend: That's it, I have given up on New York men!
Guy in Yankees shirt: Hey! Don't judge us by guys from Queens.

–Bohemian Beer Garden, Astoria

Overheard by: Mike H

Headline by: Nicola

Runners-Up:
· “…but by Our Slick Taste in T-Shirts!” – Ijudgeyou
· “His Argument Would Carry More Weight If He Wasn’t Peeing Against a Brick Wall at the Time” – James
· “It’s Like Judging Americans by George Bush” – Allison
· “Just by Guys Who Hang Out in Queens” – From Brooklyn
· “Otherwise You’d All Be Lesbians” – Katie Darling
· “There Are Four More Boroughs Waiting to Disappoint You” – AngusM


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-liners Need Relationship Counseling

Black guy: I ain’t saying I love her, but I got feelings for the bitch. –82nd & 2nd Overheard by: Rick Segall Fratboy: Fuck the afterlife. I want my 72 virgins now. –111th & Broadway Overheard by: Djlindee Shoplady on phone: Oh, so did she tell you about her sex? Well, she told me…I mean, she’s ugly but it’s good to know even ugly people can have good imaginary sex. –Barbara Feinman Millinery, St. Mark’s Place Overheard by: Sarah C Jamaican lady: We don’t fuck for enjoyment, we fuck for love. –Washington Heights Guy on cell: You had sex with my sister!…Well was she any good?…Where the hell did she learn that nifty trick? –Times Square Guy: Oh, you should come by the soup kitchen I run. There are no homeless people. Only real estate people. I used to go…I would go on Wednesday (snaps fingers) and I’d have a date for Saturday. –Union Squre theatre Suit: Marriage is so fucking out in banking right now. I was engaged for a while, just because I wanted to plant my seed, you know. But that didn’t work out. –Wall Street Overheard by: Black Red Yellow NYC

It’s Wednesday One-liners, Baby

Teen girl on cell: …you just gotta sit him down and say we’re both pregnant by him and we wanna know if we can get along! –Canal Street JHS boy: Let’s make like a fetus and head out. –Broadway & Washington Place Drunk girl: How could I be pregnant? I like women! –Times Square Thug on cell: Nigga, how you been? Shit, I had five kids since I last seen you! –Elizabeth & Prince Guy on cell: Do we have to wash you and shave you and put a diaper on you before tonight? –Penn Station Overheard by: djlindee

Why You Should Never End a Date with a Proposition

Ghetto girl #1: He was like, ‘I wanna see yo shirt on my bedroom floor’ and I was like, ‘Is this a proposition?’ and he was like, ‘What proposition?’ and I was like, ‘Where’s my ring?’ and he was like, ‘Yo, bitch, I didn’t steal any ring!’ And then he just left.
Ghetto girl #2: I’m gonna say this cause you’re my friend: You’re soooo ghetto. –Port Authority

I Got 99 Problems (But a Wednesday One-Liner Ain’t One)

Guy on phone: Listen, dude. Whenever you hang out with me again, don’t bring your wife. She’s a bitch.

–42nd & 5th Ave

Overheard by: Maria

Homeless man on cell: The brother needs to know when to wear a rubber, man. That’s some easy pussy. The bitch just needs a crib to bang in.

–Lafayette & Broadway

Queer: That bitch called me and was like, ‘I swallowed a bunch of pills.’ And I’m like, ‘Obviously that shit didn’t work, now did it — if your ass is calling me? You need to get yourself into the Drano. I’ll wait on the line while you do.’

–W 4th & 6th

Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson

Gangster girl to gangster boyfriend: I hope I don’t have to fight nobody on this train or else I’ll go Jet Li on this bitch.

–D Train

Overheard by: Kate

Woman: Stand clear of the closing doors. Please don’t hold the doors unless you wanna get bitch-slapped.

–A Train

Overheard by: Josh H

Black man on cell: Alright, you go take a shower and wash that kitty cat real good. [Hangs up] Right, that bitch never fuckin’ do nothin’.

–Metro North train to Grand Central

Overheard by: pepepepepe!

Eight-year-old girl trying to catch up to group of girls her age: Wait up, bitches! Wait up, you bitches! [Girls don’t wait for her] Beeyotches!

–91st & 2nd

A PVC Corset Works, Too

Art magazine-type girl #1: I guess some guy was touching her ass.
Art magazine-type girl #2: What? I can’t believe it. I’ve been riding the 4 and the 5 for like, six years, and no one ever touches my ass.
Art magazine-type girl #1: Really? I don’t know. Maybe when it gets warmer you should wear a sarong. I definitely get felt up more when I wear a sarong.
Art magazine-type girl #2: OK, I will. –Park Ave. South & 21st