Archive for the ‘Relationships’ Category

Another Conversation Comes to a Split End

Pretty brunette: Oh my god! I haven't seen you in forever! Look at you, you dyed your hair. It looks great!
Pretty blonde: Oh, thanks! Hah, yeah, I did it a year ago. I wanted to change things up a little.
Pretty brunette, in jest: So, is it true? Do you have more fun now?
Pretty blonde, sighing earnestly: Ugh. Kind of, but it's always short-lived. I actually have a lot of hookups with guys who have no interest in ever seeing me again after that. It kind of sucks. And actually, this definitely started when I dyed my hair…
Pretty brunette: Oh, uhm, I was kind of joking.
Pretty blonde: Yeah, well… I wasn't.
Pretty brunette, uncomfortably: Oh.

–86th & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: a blonde who hasn't noticed this

Wednesday One-Minors

Seven-year-old boy to father: Did you know that when you get into middle school, all the girls care about is whether you're rich and have a cute ass? In elementary school, they only care about if you can run fast. If you run the fastest, you get all the girls.

–Flushing, Queens

Overheard by: Tara

Small boy to teacher in increasingly panicky voice: Is this Narnia? We're not Narnians yet, right?!

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: Narnia @ NYU?

Five-year-old to three-year-old brother: Listen, we're going to have food all winter. It's hibernation. You know what hibernation is, don't you? Hibernation is when animals eat a lot of food and sleep all winter. We're gonna hibernate!

–M104 Bus

Overheard by: Samantha

Little kid: Grandma, smell this! It's Obsession for Men!

–Bergdorf Goodman

Sobbing five-year-old girl to mom in CD section: I wanna download, I don't wanna waste my money.

–Borders, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Can records labels sue toddlers?

We Pause for a Wednesday One-Liners Public Service Announcement

Girl on cell: Yeah, the breakup was tough, but I'm feeling good about it now! (pause) Hell, yes, I'm dating! (pause) Yeah, it's an exciting time! So much suspense, so many questions! Will he call me? Whom should I choose? Does he like me? Do I have syphilis?

–M4 Bus

Overheard by: All good questions

Drunk gay guy who just dropped lit cigarette: Shit! If I pick this up, do I have herpes?

–Waverly & University Place

Guy to friend: Nietzsche had syphilis… Why can't I?

–G Train

Woman at newsstand: Do you sell anything for herpes and cold sores?

–W 4th St

Overheard by: wow…i didnt kno they sold that her

Gay man to girlfriend: Is Mr Syphilis coming?

–24th & 2nd

Overheard by: erkala

Frenemy: Defined

Cute girl: Let's go somewhere tonight where we can dance.
Prettier friend: How 'bout a gay club?
Cute girl: Ugh, no! You always want to go to gay clubs! I want to meet cute straight guys. You have a boyfriend but I have to go places where I can meet guys who are actually interested in me. So can we please just once go to a straight club? I'd like to not be invisible.
Prettier friend: Yeah, except when you stand next to me you'll be invisible anyway.

–Cafeteria, Chelsea

Overheard by: Aghast

Wednesday One-Liners Are Confirmed Bachelors

Gay student in freight elevator to other students: This reminds me of every romantic encounter I've ever had.

–SVA George Washington Dorms

Overheard by: Nicole

Flamboyant gay man to another: Have you taken a trip down to his passion peninsula?

–Gay Club, Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Gay guy to girl on his arm, kindly: That was a waste of your breath and my time.

–Broadway & E 7th

Overheard by: Jon A.

Flamboyant, queened-out Lady Gaga-style gay: Diva, you have to promise me that when I die, you'll head straight up to my apartment and remove all my dildos and drugs so my mom won't find them.

–A Train

Gay man to another: He's a genealogist. Of course he's a bottom!

–6th Ave & 13th St