Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

She’s Right on the Mark

Guy: Hey, you`ve been reading that book for a long time.
Girl: It’s a good book. It’s my dad’s. He already finished it. He’s reading mine.
Guy: What’s it called?
Girl: Children of Cain.
Guy: What’s Cain?
Girl: I don’t know. Dad?
Dad: I think it’s from the Bible.
Guy: Ah.
Mom: Cain was from the Bible, he was one of two brothers. And I believe he did something naughty. –Metro-North train

Holy Wednesay-One-Liners, Batman!

Little boy, hearing loud explosion: Jesus Christ!

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: Farley


Suit to girlfriend
: Are you mad at Jesus?


–Penn Station

Overheard by: Matt


Girl, pointing to eyebrow ring
: I receive God through this hole in my eye!


–Financier Patisserie, Stone St

Overheard by: Gen


Teen girl
: Yeah, so I was about to go down on him, and I got smacked in the face with Jesus. It was so not hot.


–Sheepshead Bay

Overheard by: Lotte


Black man
: Free Post! Free Post! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, free at last! Free Post!


–34th St & 7th Ave

Overheard by: jackattack


JAP
: When I told my mom I didn’t want to fast today she said ‘That’s ok, no one said you had to’ and I said ‘Ummm, I think God did.’


–33rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: ak


Man to cop
: Can’t you do nuthin’ about those damn Jehovah’s Nitwits?


–Grand Central


If Anyone Has Insight, Let Him Calculate the Number

Two hobos are passing a bottle. Woman: You can’t do that! This is a passenger train…The blood of Jesus Christ! You can’t do that; this is a passenger train! You need to find Jesus!…That is the devil’s drink. By the blood of Jesus you need to repent!
Hobo #1: Lady, I am the devil.
Woman: You can’t do that on a passenger train! If I see a police I will have you arrested!
Hobo #2: You wanna borrow my cell phone? –F train

And Laugh About 'em Behind Their Backs

Indian snack counter vendor: What's that on your head, man?
Security guard with ash cross on head, in thick New York accent: It's ash Wednesday.
Indian snack counter vendor, snickering: Okay.
Security guard: Hey, I don't laugh at you guys when you put dots on your heads. You gotta respect other people's beliefs.

–9th St & Broadway

Overheard by: The Chocolate Muffin Sucked

Wednesday One-Liners Take Occasional Breaks to Eat and Shower

Mini-skirt on cell: Just because I had sex with you doesn't mean I gave you my phone number!

–52nd & Lexington

Brunette with a booty on her cell: You're going to be a whore this summer. (quick pause) Can you start by coming out here and whoring yourself?!

–Penn Station

Hot brunette on cell: Ohmigod. How does he do those backflips? He's like 6 feet tall and super built. He probably gets so much ass. Whatever, I would totally be his groupie.

–Midtown East

Overheard by: damn i'd be his groupie too

Bouncer to bouncer: The bible does say "Be fruitful and multiply." It doesn't say "with one person."

–West Village

Overheard by: Bible Fan

Chick: I'm not a whore, but I am not gonna miss out on a chance to fuck that bitch's boyfriend. Plus, she owes me like 30 bucks.

–L Train

Overheard by: Kelly