Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

Wednesday One-liners Are Koo Koo

Hobo: Was it right to be kicked out of a house for being an adult with a child mind? You don’t get it, lady. There’s a whole house of adults with child minds. Whatever. See ya! Wouldn’t want to be ya! –F train Queer: He totally has to understand that he’s crazy and that those Martha Stewart people are crazy too! –27th street office Crazy lady: Well, I think you should give me my musical instruments back because I know that you’ve been stealing them every day for the last nine years. Yes, I’m sure! I have proof. You see, that’s not music. That’s not rock and roll. That’s just crazy. –Bedford Avenue station Overheard by: Greg Rutter Crazy man: I already told you I don’t have no chicken. Besides, I gave you that tree last week. –54th & 11th Crazy woman: I’ve got demons behind me, shit next to me, and the ugly ones in front of me. I need an angel above me. –World Financial Center Overheard by: Dr. Ballon Crazy bag lady: Stay away from the people! Stay away from the idiot Mexicans! –Union Square Overheard by: Kaitlen Suit: …and I swear to God, man, the whole time? That creepy deaf-mute babysitter from across the hall?…is watching me. –46th & 8th Overheard by: ballpeen hammer Crazy lady: I don’t believe this. Pussyass son of a fucking faggot! –Lexington & 23rd Hobo: Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! –19th between 7th & 8th

Food Was Scarce in Indiana

Girl #1: Okay, what should I get? The Gombee burger sounds good. Hey, that kinda sounds like Gandhi…except he probably wouldn’t want to eat the burger. Remember that time he was on that hunger strike?
Girl #2: Aren’t cows like, sacred to Hindus or something?
Girl #1: Oh! That’s probably why he wouldn’t have wanted to eat it. –Columbia University

None of That Explains Carrot Top

First man: So after Cain killed Abel he was sent from exile and went up Europe way.
Second man: Not Asia?
First man: No, the Caucus mountains… that’s up Europe way.
Second man: Oh, you mean like Turkey.
First man: And since black people don’t like the cold, Cain went to live in a cave and started to grow and was the first caveman. Now at that time there was dinosaurs but they weren’t really dinosaurs, we call them dinosaurs but that’s just how God made animals, you know, until you start messin with the DNA of ’em.
Second man: Oh!
First man: Then Cain met his sister and they had a baby together but since Cain was cursed for being the first murderer their baby came out an obino.
Second man: An obino?
First man: Yeah, a red-headed blue-eyed obino and that’s where white people come from. Then they went to the north pole and you know it’s light there six months and it’s dark there six months and the wind is always blowing and that’s where Asian people come from. That’s why they eyes is like that because the wind was always blowin in they faces.

–D Train

What's “Wednesday One-Liner,” Anyway?

Earnest sidewalk pollster: Sir? Have you got a minute to talk about the sanitation department? Do you think it's normal?

–51st St & Lexington

Overheard by: jake-e

Conductor, bending down before fainted man: C'mon! Dude! What did I tell you before? Get up and sit down and pass out in the seat like regular normal people. People think you're dead. Get up.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: I guess not a normal person

Girl, during History of Islam class: Miracles show us what's normal and what's, like, super above normal.

–Hunter College

Woman, bending down to adjust child: You have to walk normally now–like a normal person.

–Museum of Natural History

Nerd guy to friend: It wouldn't be child labor. You just hook them up to electrodes, connect them to the the power grid, and have them play on the playground like normal!

–Shuttle to Times Square

Wednesday One-liners for Adoptionists

Crazy woman: I’m still alive and breathing, thank you very much, despite the best efforts of the Devil. –Food Court, Grand Central Overheard by: Rich Mintz

Don't Read Too Much Into These Wednesday One-Liners

Check in girl: I only like buying books with sparkles on the cover.

–York & 72nd

Overheard by: fance

Teenage girl on cell: I gotta find this book in the religion section. You know, it's like… it's not that you believe in god, or you don't believe in god, but that you just don't care? I want that book!

–Borders Bookstore, Midtown

Amtrak conductor: A free copy of Amtrak's Arrive magazine is located in your seat pocket. For those seeking enlightenment, this magazine is the first step.

–Train, Penn Station

Student, discussing The Sound and the Fury: I suppose it's a very *artsy* ending–a big, retarded guy holding a broken flower… Does that come with skinny jeans and an apartment in Williamsburg?

–Stuyvesant High School

Tipsy 30-something nerd: We can't all be riding escalators with hard-ons.(older woman turns around) What, lady? It's a literary reference, look it up!

–1st & 7th

Overheard by: Phyllis Dean

If This Conversation Goes on for Much Longer, There Definitely Isn't a God.

Boy, after watching An Inconvenient Truth: Do you believe in god?
Girl: I believe in mother nature.
Boy: You don't believe in god?
Girl: I mean, I do… But I believe this is happening because of nature.
Boy: But you believe in her?
Girl: What?
Boy: Mother nature?
Girl: Mother nature is not like a person… It's just a saying for nature.
Boy: Wait… What? Oh… (pause) I thought she was like a tree or something.

–Regal Cinema, Union Square

Overheard by: Noeman Samdani