Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

Wednesday One-Linered…With Children

Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex. –Dumbo, Brooklyn Overheard by: Tanya Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem. –64th & Amsterdam Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you! –Target Store, Brooklyn Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later. –28th & Park Avenue South Overheard by: Alie Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again? –61st & Amsterdam

We Call It “Little Israel”

Guy: So you guys are Jewish?
Girl: Yeah, why?
Guy: Are you from Brooklyn? I live there now, and there are a lot of Jewish people there.
Girl: No, we’re from Staten Island.
Guy: Oh. Are there a lot of Jewish people there? –Finnerty’s, Union Square area Overheard by: Becka Dash

Wednesday One-liners Are Koo Koo

Hobo: Was it right to be kicked out of a house for being an adult with a child mind? You don’t get it, lady. There’s a whole house of adults with child minds. Whatever. See ya! Wouldn’t want to be ya! –F train Queer: He totally has to understand that he’s crazy and that those Martha Stewart people are crazy too! –27th street office Crazy lady: Well, I think you should give me my musical instruments back because I know that you’ve been stealing them every day for the last nine years. Yes, I’m sure! I have proof. You see, that’s not music. That’s not rock and roll. That’s just crazy. –Bedford Avenue station Overheard by: Greg Rutter Crazy man: I already told you I don’t have no chicken. Besides, I gave you that tree last week. –54th & 11th Crazy woman: I’ve got demons behind me, shit next to me, and the ugly ones in front of me. I need an angel above me. –World Financial Center Overheard by: Dr. Ballon Crazy bag lady: Stay away from the people! Stay away from the idiot Mexicans! –Union Square Overheard by: Kaitlen Suit: …and I swear to God, man, the whole time? That creepy deaf-mute babysitter from across the hall?…is watching me. –46th & 8th Overheard by: ballpeen hammer Crazy lady: I don’t believe this. Pussyass son of a fucking faggot! –Lexington & 23rd Hobo: Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! Would someone please tell Courtney Love to get her goddamned dick out of my mouth? Thank you! –19th between 7th & 8th

Food Was Scarce in Indiana

Girl #1: Okay, what should I get? The Gombee burger sounds good. Hey, that kinda sounds like Gandhi…except he probably wouldn’t want to eat the burger. Remember that time he was on that hunger strike?
Girl #2: Aren’t cows like, sacred to Hindus or something?
Girl #1: Oh! That’s probably why he wouldn’t have wanted to eat it. –Columbia University

None of That Explains Carrot Top

First man: So after Cain killed Abel he was sent from exile and went up Europe way.
Second man: Not Asia?
First man: No, the Caucus mountains… that’s up Europe way.
Second man: Oh, you mean like Turkey.
First man: And since black people don’t like the cold, Cain went to live in a cave and started to grow and was the first caveman. Now at that time there was dinosaurs but they weren’t really dinosaurs, we call them dinosaurs but that’s just how God made animals, you know, until you start messin with the DNA of ’em.
Second man: Oh!
First man: Then Cain met his sister and they had a baby together but since Cain was cursed for being the first murderer their baby came out an obino.
Second man: An obino?
First man: Yeah, a red-headed blue-eyed obino and that’s where white people come from. Then they went to the north pole and you know it’s light there six months and it’s dark there six months and the wind is always blowing and that’s where Asian people come from. That’s why they eyes is like that because the wind was always blowin in they faces. –D Train

What's “Wednesday One-Liner,” Anyway?

Earnest sidewalk pollster: Sir? Have you got a minute to talk about the sanitation department? Do you think it's normal? –51st St & Lexington Overheard by: jake-e Conductor, bending down before fainted man: C'mon! Dude! What did I tell you before? Get up and sit down and pass out in the seat like regular normal people. People think you're dead. Get up. –Uptown 6 Train Overheard by: I guess not a normal person Girl, during History of Islam class: Miracles show us what's normal and what's, like, super above normal. –Hunter College Woman, bending down to adjust child: You have to walk normally now–like a normal person. –Museum of Natural History Nerd guy to friend: It wouldn't be child labor. You just hook them up to electrodes, connect them to the the power grid, and have them play on the playground like normal! –Shuttle to Times Square