Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

An Omniscient God Doesn’t Need Functionaries

21-year-old Jewish guy #1: Is Jesus a saint?
Male Christian friend: He’s Jesus. He’s, like, the president of the saints.
21-year-old Jewish guy #1: Then who’s the treasurer?
Female Christian friend: [Blank stare.]
21-year-old Jewish guy #2: Probably whoever the patron saint of money is, huh?
21-year-old Jewish guy #1: And what about the secretary?
Female Christian friend: [Blank stare.]
21-year-old Jewish guy #2: Yeah, probably the patron saint of note takers.
Female Christian friend: I’m pretty sure it’s not really organized like that. –Grace Church, 11th & Broadway Overheard by: patron saint of laughing your ass off

In the Name Of the Father, the Son, and the Wednesday One-Liner

Husband pushing carriage to wife: You're lucky I'm on my way to church right now, or I'd kill you. –Upper West Side Chick on cell: But the real question is, is he Catholic? And an insomniac? –113th & Broadway Overheard by: Poogins Sequined Australian drag queen: Well, I know an Antichrist religion when I see it. –2nd St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Alisha Girl on phone: He told me he was raped by a Catholic priest when he was little, but like I don't believe him. –Butler Library, Columbia University Train conductor: 110th Street, Cathedral Parkway. There are churches here, you know. –1 Train Man to woman, after getting off cell phone: Ah, that was Nancy–booty call. She says I gotta get over there before she's got to go to church. –Q Train Overheard by: spygirl

Wednesday One-Linered…With Children

Old Jewish woman to very nervous Asian 25-year-old bride to be: Honey, I've been married 53 years. The secret to a great marriage? Give him lots of sex. Lots of good sex. –Dumbo, Brooklyn Overheard by: Tanya Man on cell: I told her I would convert. We could go to Vegas and get married next week, no problem. –64th & Amsterdam Woman on phone: My ex-boyfriend was 24 and he was able to support me, and you're 35 on an engineer's salary and you can't do the same. Do you know how many guys are begging to marry me, and can give me a dowry? So fuck you! –Target Store, Brooklyn Hispanic woman on phone: So where are you now? You already married him? Oh, okay. See you later. –28th & Park Avenue South Overheard by: Alie Five-year-old boy to teacher about five-year-old girl next to him: We're going to get married. (to five-year-old girl) What's your name again? –61st & Amsterdam