Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

Q: What's Black and White and Red All Over? A: An Embarrassed Wednesday One-Liner

Girl to friend: Oh, my God, I think I just left the most embarrassing thing in the bathroom. –Barnes & Noble Overheard by: V Woman to roommate: When we get home, we'll have embarrassing sexual accidents! –Pathmark, Massapequa Overheard by: Are they really accidents if you plan ahead? Nerdy TA: The thesis talk is kind of like the sex talk. It's a little embarrassing, no one really wants to give it, but it'll make you grow as adults. –Columbia University Girl to friend: I'm not embarrassed that I peed in his bed. I'm just not. –Columbia University Girl on cell: I saw it and I thought, "how embarrassing would it be riding on a bike with a nun." –Grand Central Overheard by: galgal

She’s Right on the Mark

Guy: Hey, you`ve been reading that book for a long time.
Girl: It’s a good book. It’s my dad’s. He already finished it. He’s reading mine.
Guy: What’s it called?
Girl: Children of Cain.
Guy: What’s Cain?
Girl: I don’t know. Dad?
Dad: I think it’s from the Bible.
Guy: Ah.
Mom: Cain was from the Bible, he was one of two brothers. And I believe he did something naughty. –Metro-North train

Holy Wednesay-One-Liners, Batman!

Little boy, hearing loud explosion: Jesus Christ! –Upper East Side Overheard by: Farley Suit to girlfriend: Are you mad at Jesus? –Penn Station Overheard by: Matt Girl, pointing to eyebrow ring: I receive God through this hole in my eye! –Financier Patisserie, Stone St Overheard by: Gen Teen girl: Yeah, so I was about to go down on him, and I got smacked in the face with Jesus. It was so not hot. –Sheepshead Bay Overheard by: Lotte Black man: Free Post! Free Post! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, free at last! Free Post! –34th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: jackattack JAP: When I told my mom I didn’t want to fast today she said ‘That’s ok, no one said you had to’ and I said ‘Ummm, I think God did.’ –33rd St & 8th Ave Overheard by: ak Man to cop: Can’t you do nuthin’ about those damn Jehovah’s Nitwits? –Grand Central

If Anyone Has Insight, Let Him Calculate the Number

Two hobos are passing a bottle. Woman: You can’t do that! This is a passenger train…The blood of Jesus Christ! You can’t do that; this is a passenger train! You need to find Jesus!…That is the devil’s drink. By the blood of Jesus you need to repent!
Hobo #1: Lady, I am the devil.
Woman: You can’t do that on a passenger train! If I see a police I will have you arrested!
Hobo #2: You wanna borrow my cell phone? –F train

And Laugh About 'em Behind Their Backs

Indian snack counter vendor: What's that on your head, man?
Security guard with ash cross on head, in thick New York accent: It's ash Wednesday.
Indian snack counter vendor, snickering: Okay.
Security guard: Hey, I don't laugh at you guys when you put dots on your heads. You gotta respect other people's beliefs. –9th St & Broadway Overheard by: The Chocolate Muffin Sucked