Archive for the ‘Religion’ Category

You Mean Like Bacon?

Boyfriend: So, my buddy’s celebrating Rosh Hashanah tomorrow, and he said he’ll bring me some matzah ball soup.
Girlfriend: He’s celebrating what? And giving you what?
Boyfriend: Some Jewish holiday. Some Jewish food.
Girlfriend: Ah.

–2 train

Overheard by:

Cromulent Wednesday One-liners

Guy: Yeah, they say that now in France they’re banning Muslim women from wearing overalls. –Hunter College Overheard by: H. Chan Black woman on cell: …and then she says to me “I like that song!” and I go, “Yeah, well I like fish and avocado peels.” –Port Authority Overheard by: Fernando Taveras Guy: If you was dead, then you’d know what I’m talkin’ ’bout. –J train

We Agree with That Sentiment

Guy: Do you know that you have a cup of coffee on your roof?
Driver guy: Merry Christmas from Starbucks! –Park Place & Church Overheard by: Dirt “Chainsaw” Dog Lady #1: Can you move?
Lady #2: I ain’t movin’ my cart! You shoulda waited for the next fucking train!
Lady #1: What? Do you care more about people or your cart?
Lady #2: Ma cart, bitch!
Lady #1: …No, you are the bitch!
Lady #2: That’s right, you da bitch!
Lady #1: This is my first train ride, this is fun!…And I learned a new word!
Man: Happy holidays, everyone! –1 train Woman #1: So she says, “I don’t want to celebrate Christmas.”
Woman #2: What, she worships the Devil now?
Woman #1: Yeah, I think so. -Surprise Surprise, 3rd Avenue Overheard by: Kat

The Nicean Council, 2005

Dominican woman: “…angeles y arcangeles y cherubimes.”…Cuales son cherubimes?
Dominican teen #1: Cherubims? Those are those angel babies, you know, with the wings?
Dominican teen #2: Yeah, like the ones on your shower curtain?
Dominican teen #1: Right.
Dominican woman: Y cuales son arcangeles?
Dominican teen #1: Ohhh…those are those big ones, with the big wings. And they’re older. –Rosa’s Hair Salon, Williamsburg Overheard by: Michael Kane

Wednesday One-Liners Have 23 Intelligence, but 6 Charisma

Fat college guy on cell: I only read books with robot insects on the cover. If it doesn’t have robot insects, I slap a sticker on. Pride and Prejudice? Robot insects on the cover makes it better.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: Ferry

Guy to friend: Look, the root of the problem is that you have a shrine dedicated to semi-colons in your closest! I don’t care if they’re the god of all punctuation marks, that’s just weird!

–Stuyvesant High School

Metrosexual: I’m fairly certain that I’ve read every single fantasy series that has dragons in it.

–Stuyvesant Town

Overheard by: Karin

Ghetto chick: Nah, all I’m sayin’s is that even if you look like Steve Urkel, as long as you got the brain of Steve Urkel, you good with me.

–Jamaica-bound F train

Overheard by: Floyd

Leader of pack of teen boys dressed up like Star Trek characters: I didn’t say it was a good planet…

–Tuxedo Renaissance Festival

Overheard by: Murray

Wednesday One-Liners: Guaranteed to Rot Your Teeth.

20-something women in yoga gear, simultaneously: It was like a blessing in cake form.

–Astor Place

Girl: I'm too single to eat a brownie.

–NYU Library

Guy on cell: Soft Serve is so good, you will step in dog poop and not even care!

–14th St b/w 7th & 8th

Serious guy on his way out of restaurant, to girl: So all we need are aspirin and Skittles.

–Angelo's Pizza

Assertive little boy in shopping cart seat, grabbing mom's face: I want to buy a chocolate croissant and eat it. Do you understand what I'm saying?

–Food Coop, Park Slope

Overheard by: Jenny

Obviously Reformed

A Gentile Yuppie: I once dated a Rabbi’s daughter, in the Hamptons. I went to a family barbeque, and he asked me, ‘Do you want cheese on your hamburger?’ and I thought, ‘Ah–this is a moment of truth–one of those key moments in a relationship, where the family will judge me–what should I say?’ and I said, ‘Yes, I would’–and then the Rabbi responded, ‘Great! Then Cheese for Everybody!'” — Bar Tabac, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn