Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there!
–Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum
Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Emily Faxon
Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas!
–Canal St
Overheard by: Canadian Girl
Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock!
–Macy's, 7th Ave
Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something.
–10th St & University
Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can.
–62nd & 3rd
Archive for the ‘Retail Therapy’ Category
We Might Even Get Crazy and Go Watch a Kitten Play with It!
Guy who just bumped into a group of women from work, in incredulous tone: So, you're all just out shopping for yarn and stuff?
Group of very excited 30-something women who just bought yarn: Yeah!
–Smith St, Brooklyn, Outside Yarn Store
Overheard by: Zoe
Wednesday One-Liner, Huh! What Is It Good For?
JAP on cell: If more people wore glitter there would no war.
–Therapy Store
Crazy old guy: I want a dog for president. You know why? Dogs don't start wars.
–31St & Ditmars, Astoria
Overheard by: Randi and Patrick
(at an anti-war rally)
Street vendor: Say no to war, say yes to Louis Vuitton!
–Midtown
Overheard by: Oh the irony
50-something guy on cell: You see, we are a military agency, not a government agency. (pause) So when I punched out that Homeland Security guy, I punched out a civilian.
–Union Square Park
Overheard by: Ksenia
Eight-year-old boy: I dare you to fight in the civil war!
–7 Train
If You Start Singing Again, I’ll Tell Security You’re From Yemen
Girl #1: I’m sick of college. Too much work.
Girl #2: Let’s just go to Funkytown.
–LaGuardia Airport
We Don’t Have Anything Like That in San Francisco!
Horrified tourist chick #1: Oh my god, did you see that?
Horrified tourist chick #2: I think it’s a sex shop!
Horrified tourist chick #1: No!
–St. Mark’s Pl
Overheard by: Rose Fox
You Won’t Get Far on an Empty Stomach
Little girl in line: I can’t take this anymore. I’m going shopping [walks off to clothing store].
Mother: Whatever.
–Wo Hop restaurant
Overheard by: Cran
Wednesday One-Liners Consume Conspicuously
Man on cell: Yeah, I’m here at the store, but I forgot what you told me to get… What do you mean, ‘Who is this?’ How many guys have you sent to the store in the last five minutes? Oh… This is Jeff.
–Duane Reade, 89th & Columbus
Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/
Dude: I don’t think I’ll do too well on The Price Is Right. I’m too used to Manhattan. I’d say 35 dollars for a box of Bounce. Then I’d be like, ‘Holy shit, five bucks? Goddamn, Bob, where the fuck do you shop?!’
–Times Square
Overheard by: Dave
British tourist to another: A store just for containers?
–58th & Lex
Overheard by: sofs
Bimbette: It was a real Japanese store. The Japanese person behind the counter was Japanese.
–The Hilton
Filthy rich high school girl: You know, I was thinking — like, we go shopping all the time, but like, we buy clothes we never wear…
–79th & Madison
NYU girl: Jenny*, that is so not J. Crew-appropriate behavior!
–W 8th & Broadway
The Two Faces of Retail
Cashier to coworker: I would rather be homeless sleeping under a bridge than working this shitty job. [To customer] Have a great night!
–Joyce Leslie, 8th St & Washington Sq E
Wednesday One-Liners Are Brimming with Consumer Confidence
Asian student on cell: Yeah, I haven’t had time to go shopping. I’ve had all this school work to do… Yeah, me either — I haven’t been since, like, Saturday… I miss shopping, too.
–NYU computer lab
Overheard by: Cpt. Kate
Bimbette: We should go to Boston to go to the big Victoria’s Secret. It would be, like, the most rational thing we’ve ever done.
–Fordham University RamVan
Overheard by: wishmewell
Three-year-old Barenaked Ladies fan: Mommy, if I had a lot of money, I’d buy you a green dress.
–59th & Lex
Overheard by: But not a real green dress, that’s cruel
Texan: Don’t you have malls here? Well, I guess New York is like one big strip mall.
–23rd St & Lex
Overheard by: Not a Texan
Tourist bimbo: What mall is this?
–Outside Bloomberg office tower, 59th & Lex
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Cause If I Don’t Make Quota This Month, the Yakuza Will Have My Thumbs
Overeager sales associate: Welcome to American Eagle! Can I help you find anything?
Guy: No thanks, just looking.
Overeager sales associate: Hey, you know what would really look good on you?
Guy: What?
Overeager sales associate: Jeans!
Guy: Uh… I guess I like jeans.
Overeager sales associate: That’s music to my ears!
–American Eagle, Union Square
Overheard by: doubeldee