Archive for the ‘Retail Therapy’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Brimming with Consumer Confidence

Asian student on cell: Yeah, I haven’t had time to go shopping. I’ve had all this school work to do… Yeah, me either — I haven’t been since, like, Saturday… I miss shopping, too.

–NYU computer lab

Overheard by: Cpt. Kate

Bimbette: We should go to Boston to go to the big Victoria’s Secret. It would be, like, the most rational thing we’ve ever done.

–Fordham University RamVan

Overheard by: wishmewell

Three-year-old Barenaked Ladies fan: Mommy, if I had a lot of money, I’d buy you a green dress.

–59th & Lex

Overheard by: But not a real green dress, that’s cruel

Texan: Don’t you have malls here? Well, I guess New York is like one big strip mall.

–23rd St & Lex

Overheard by: Not a Texan

Tourist bimbo: What mall is this?

–Outside Bloomberg office tower, 59th & Lex

Overheard by: Russ Wall

Cause If I Don’t Make Quota This Month, the Yakuza Will Have My Thumbs

Overeager sales associate: Welcome to American Eagle! Can I help you find anything?
Guy: No thanks, just looking.
Overeager sales associate: Hey, you know what would really look good on you?
Guy: What?
Overeager sales associate: Jeans!
Guy: Uh… I guess I like jeans.
Overeager sales associate: That’s music to my ears!

–American Eagle, Union Square

Overheard by: doubeldee

And the Condoms, Lube, and Enema Kits

Queer #1: This place is terrible.
Queer #2: I know.
Queer #1: I hate Duane Reade.
Queer #2: Yeah, me too.
Queer #1: And yet I love it… it’s like an abuse relationship you just can’t get over.
Queer #2: Yeah.
Queer #1: Everytime I come in here, I see all these people who are like, I really don’t want to be here right now. [Pause. Dionne Warwick is playing.] Must be the music.

–Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd

Overheard by: NYU girl

Retail Therapy Soothes Even the Most Troubled Upper East Side Soul

Upper-East-Side lady on cell: I know, but I was at a funeral all day…Yeah, it was sad, but I really didn’t know him at all…This saddest thing was seeing his daughters upset. They’re the same ages as–Wow! This shirt is only $19!! You can’t even buy a freaking Frappuccino for $19! I’m getting it in blue.

–Banana Republic, 86th & 3rd

Overheard by: DC

Self-Delusion Burns a Lot of Calories

Denial: This kind of fits. It’s a little tight here, you see?
Reason: Yeah, it kinda makes you look pregnant. Maybe get the next size up?
Denial: Fuck you. I am not buying a size 10.
Reason: No one will know; it’s just a number on the inside of the dress.
Denial: No, seriously, fuck you. I don’t believe this. Let’s just go to Subway. I am starving.

–Fitting room, Saks 5th Avenue

Also Thinks Margarine Made Out of Butter

Guy: I don’t need a bag, thanks.
Store lady: You’re going to carry that in your hand?
Guy: Yeah.
Store lady: That’s fine with me. I love customers who don’t want bags.
Guy: Why waste them, right?
Store lady: Yeah. People need to recycle. They keep cutting down more and more trees for these bags.
Guy: …Yeah.
Store lady: Plastic bags are made out of trees, right?
Guy: …Well, no…
Store lady: Oh, I think it’s paper bags that are made out of trees. –Duane Reade, 22nd & Park