Queer #1: This place is terrible.
Queer #2: I know.
Queer #1: I hate Duane Reade.
Queer #2: Yeah, me too.
Queer #1: And yet I love it… it’s like an abuse relationship you just can’t get over.
Queer #2: Yeah.
Queer #1: Everytime I come in here, I see all these people who are like, I really don’t want to be here right now. [Pause. Dionne Warwick is playing.] Must be the music.
–Duane Reade, 14th & 3rd
Overheard by: NYU girl
Archive for the ‘Retail Therapy’ Category
They Won’t Come Anywhere Near Us, And We Can Shop in Peace
Black guy #1: Man, we shoulda gone to the Target in Queens!
Black guy #2: Yeah! That’s where all the white people go!
–Target, Inwood
Overheard by: amused white girl
Retail Therapy Soothes Even the Most Troubled Upper East Side Soul
Upper-East-Side lady on cell: I know, but I was at a funeral all day…Yeah, it was sad, but I really didn’t know him at all…This saddest thing was seeing his daughters upset. They’re the same ages as–Wow! This shirt is only $19!! You can’t even buy a freaking Frappuccino for $19! I’m getting it in blue.
–Banana Republic, 86th & 3rd
Overheard by: DC
Which, Relatively Speaking, Is Free
Little girl: Are we going to Manhattan to the big shopping mall place?
Dad: You’ve spent enough money. We’re going to Manhattan and riding in a cab!
–Amtrak to Penn Station
Overheard by: Erica
Self-Delusion Burns a Lot of Calories
Denial: This kind of fits. It’s a little tight here, you see?
Reason: Yeah, it kinda makes you look pregnant. Maybe get the next size up?
Denial: Fuck you. I am not buying a size 10.
Reason: No one will know; it’s just a number on the inside of the dress.
Denial: No, seriously, fuck you. I don’t believe this. Let’s just go to Subway. I am starving.
–Fitting room, Saks 5th Avenue
Ever Since They Stopped Using Asbestos in Beanie Babies
White guy: FAO Schwarz used to be a fun place to hang out.
Black guy: Yeah.
White guy: They’ve changed it, though. It doesn’t smell the same.
–57th & 6th
Overheard by: Mark F.
Also Thinks Margarine Made Out of Butter
Guy: I don’t need a bag, thanks.
Store lady: You’re going to carry that in your hand?
Guy: Yeah.
Store lady: That’s fine with me. I love customers who don’t want bags.
Guy: Why waste them, right?
Store lady: Yeah. People need to recycle. They keep cutting down more and more trees for these bags.
Guy: …Yeah.
Store lady: Plastic bags are made out of trees, right?
Guy: …Well, no…
Store lady: Oh, I think it’s paper bags that are made out of trees.
–Duane Reade, 22nd & Park
Klingons Are Less Wrinkled
Old man #1: I must have my cloaking device on today! Ha, ha.
Old man #2: Get the fuck out of my way, asshole.
Old man #1: Damn Klingons.
–D’Agostino, Greenwich Street
Overheard by: nick
Sounds Like a Chiropractor
Man I know what’s wrong with your neck.
Woman: Yeah?
Man: You slept on it funny and then you breathed in, you know? You get an air bubble in your neck when you do that.
Woman: Really?
–Food Emporium, Greenwich Street
There’s a Going Down Payment
Queer #1: It’s too bad he’s not for sale.
Queer #2: I think you can rent him, though.
–BoConcept, West 18th Street