Archive for the ‘Retail Therapy’ Category

Wednesday One-liners Lead the Market

Suit: The thing about sales is that you’re nothing but a paid liar. –44th & Lexington Girl on cell: Really? Three and a half hours? I don’t think so. The ad says after four hours you need to worry. –Nassau & Liberty Old woman: There’s this green tea thing now…Starbucks started it…supposedly it’s really good for you. –Starbucks, Times Square Girl: I am, like, having an affair with my iPod. –Sullivan & Bleecker Man: I want the strongest coffee you have. With caffeine. Please. –Starbucks, 78th & Lexington Overheard by: Joshua S. Queer: Allison, did you buy that bra so that the straps would match your shopping bag? –2nd Avenue & 5th Street

Where’s the Climax to This Story?

Guy #1: Last summer I was hangin’ out in Richmond for a weekend and me and some other people were havin’ a party and someone gave me and this girl a pill and told us it was painkillers.
Guy #2: Oh yeah? Sounds like…fun.
Guy #1: Well the next day, after we had had sex in a pool in front of like 30 people for about 10 hours, the girl who told us it was painkillers told us it was actually Cialis. –CVS, 23rd & 1st Overheard by: katie facada

Wednesday One-Liners Are Brimming with Consumer Confidence

Asian student on cell: Yeah, I haven’t had time to go shopping. I’ve had all this school work to do… Yeah, me either — I haven’t been since, like, Saturday… I miss shopping, too. –NYU computer lab Overheard by: Cpt. Kate Bimbette: We should go to Boston to go to the big Victoria’s Secret. It would be, like, the most rational thing we’ve ever done. –Fordham University RamVan Overheard by: wishmewell Three-year-old Barenaked Ladies fan: Mommy, if I had a lot of money, I’d buy you a green dress. –59th & Lex Overheard by: But not a real green dress, that’s cruel Texan: Don’t you have malls here? Well, I guess New York is like one big strip mall. –23rd St & Lex Overheard by: Not a Texan Tourist bimbo: What mall is this? –Outside Bloomberg office tower, 59th & Lex Overheard by: Russ Wall

That’s Not Really By Choice, Fattie

Girl #1: Oh, look! Those clothes are cute. Let’s go look over there.
Girl #2: Those are maternity clothes.
Girl #1: Oh my God, no way!
Girl #2: Yes, see? It says “A Pea in the Pod Maternity Clothes”.
Girl #1: Oh wow, I had no idea!
Girl #2: Yeah, they are.
Girl #1: Well! There isn’t going to be a pea in this pod any time soon, I can tell you that! –Macy’s

Wednesday Buy-One-Get-One-Freeliners

Upper East Side crone: I just came back from Sudan, and there was nothing to buy there! –Gift Shop, American Folk Art Museum Hick obese wife to hick obese husband: Sometimes I like Wal-Mart better, sometimes I like K-Mart better. It depends on the day. –6 Train Overheard by: Emily Faxon Tourist lady on cell: No, I was in the store the entire time! I got 8 pashminas! –Canal St Overheard by: Canadian Girl Cheerful 10-year-old with cornrows to 30-something woman: This is a world famous store! So don't be surprised if you're still here at one o'clock! –Macy's, 7th Ave Asian girl, pointing to D'Agostino: Oh, that's D'Agostino. It's like a Japanese grocery store or something. –10th St & University Upper East Side mom: I shop at Target because I like to support out local businesses whenever I can. –62nd & 3rd