Archive for the ‘Retail Therapy’ Category

Self-Delusion Burns a Lot of Calories

Denial: This kind of fits. It’s a little tight here, you see?
Reason: Yeah, it kinda makes you look pregnant. Maybe get the next size up?
Denial: Fuck you. I am not buying a size 10.
Reason: No one will know; it’s just a number on the inside of the dress.
Denial: No, seriously, fuck you. I don’t believe this. Let’s just go to Subway. I am starving.

–Fitting room, Saks 5th Avenue

Also Thinks Margarine Made Out of Butter

Guy: I don’t need a bag, thanks.
Store lady: You’re going to carry that in your hand?
Guy: Yeah.
Store lady: That’s fine with me. I love customers who don’t want bags.
Guy: Why waste them, right?
Store lady: Yeah. People need to recycle. They keep cutting down more and more trees for these bags.
Guy: …Yeah.
Store lady: Plastic bags are made out of trees, right?
Guy: …Well, no…
Store lady: Oh, I think it’s paper bags that are made out of trees. –Duane Reade, 22nd & Park

None of That Drag Queen Lassie Crap

Man: Those are some fine-lookin’ sweaters!
Old lady: Do you like them? I made them, you know.
Man: You made those?
Old lady: I did.
Man: Do you think you could make one for him?
Old lady: I would be delighted!
Man: But, you know…I mean…like, for a boy chihuahua. –11th & B Overheard by: Stephanie Matthew-Diaz Girl #1: What? What are you talking about? I’m talking about the Johnny Cash song, A Boy Named Sue!
Girl #2: And I’m talking about my dog being a cross-dresser. –27th & 7th

Wednesday One-liners Sit on the Throne

Woman on cell: Hold on, I have to juggle, I’m pushing a stroller, walking the dog and holding a big bag of poop. –189th & Broadway