Archive for the ‘Retardation’ Category

Now Playing: Wednesday One-Liners

Moviegoer: Come on, I wanna see this potentially shitty movie!

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Guy on phone: I'm not trying to have sex with you, I just really want to see The Dark Knight.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Ross

Movie theater employee: I don't go to the movies. I watch them on the internet.

–AMC Loews, Lincoln Square

Overheard by: Holly

Guy on cell: Okay, love you, bye… Oh, and the reason she says "Foxy, you better work it out!" is because that's the name of her character in the movie.

–62nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Richard

Nerdy film major: Silent Night, Deadly Night II is the worst movie ever. It's so bad it's amazing. There's something cathartic about watching it; you leave thinking, "there is a god!"

–NYU Dining Hall

Guy leaving The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: You have to be some kind of anti-Christ to write a movie that retarded.

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Mark Nilges

Girl, as credits roll at the end of The Curious Case of Benjamin Button: Wow…they both lived way too long.

–AMC Loews, 68th & Broadway

What Is It About a Wednesday One-Liner in Uniform?

Security guard to another: I know it's habitual to act retarded.

–Time Warner Security Check

Overheard by: spandangle

Security guard: The door's that way, people. I know that when you see a door you want to go through it–it's human nature.

–Crown Plaza Hotel, Times Square

Overheard by: GJL

Female security guard: What does my sexual genitalia have to do with it?

–Brooklyn Library

Little boy: Mommy, mommy, look! They've got security guards! Must be a rich people place.

–86th & Brooklyn

Security guard, after metal detector beeps: Ma'am, would you please remove your wooden bracelet and walk back through the metal detector again?

–Liberty Island

Overheard by: heather linford

Crazy security guard: I have so much gas. I'm going to take all my gas and send it to Iraq and end the war. (gets distracted by a girl walking past with an ice cream cone) Hey, you're stomach's gonna freeze!

–NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Honest Truth

And I'm Still Smarter Than You. That's Gotta Burn

Hip 18-year-old daughter: Mom, stop laughing! I'm like the least funny person I've ever met.
Mom, laughing: No, you're so funny! You always have been! It's like you have an extra chromosome or something. (walks into an apartment and closes door behind her before her daughter and her friend can follow).
Girl's friend: So, you're retarded. You have an extra chromosome. You're fucking retarded.

–87th & East End

Overheard by: Sophie

That Would Explain All the Helmets.

Man to woman after hearing a man sing “Amazing Grace”: Maybe it was the all-retarded hour at church.

–Bronx

Overheard by: ClaRity

Headline by: bobofthejungle

Runners-Up:
· “Another Happy Sunday with Simon and Paula.” – again

· “But It Still Beats the All-Amputee Hour at the Strip Club.” – SNA
· “Flowers For AlgerNun” – Paul K.
· “From Midget Masses to Handicapped Hymns, Mega-Churches Pull Out All The Stops” – stacey
· “They’re Down with God” – Rostkowski


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