Little boy in stroller pats a woman on the thigh reaching for a chain hanging from her pocket. Woman: Oh, no! You don’t touch strange women! You don’t touch strange women! Otherwise they might touch you back… Oh, aren’t you a sweetheart?! [To his parents] Oh, yeah. He knows what he’s doing. –Brooklyn-bound L train
Construction worker: Hey beautiful, you have a lovely day.
Young girl: I'm fourteen, you perv!
Construction worker: Ay, puta…
Young girl: And I speak Spanish! –9th St & University
Very underage thugette: Look, they have a happy hour!
20-something thug: Shit, girl, you ain't old enough.
Very underage thugette: Nah, they won't check.
20-something thug: Yeah, they will–they'll kick you out and send me to jail.
Very underage thugette: But we're married! –Outside Bar, Underhill Ave, Brooklyn
Girl #1: So I saw Juno the other day, it was really funny.
Girl #2: Yeah, the girl from that movie Hard Candy is in that where she like tortures a pedophile.
Girl #1: Oh yeah! That movie rocked my socks off. Man I would give anything to kick a pedophile in the neck. –Duane Reade, 34th & 5th
Teacher: My father always told me, "Never run away from a fight. If the guy's bigger than you, hit him. If he gets back up, hit him again. If he gets back up again, hit him with a garbage can. If he still gets back up, run like hell, 'cause this dude's gonna kill you!" –Stuyvesant High School Teacher: Okay. Emergency procedures. If the fire bell rings, we run like hell. –Stuyvesant High School Overheard by: Goober Chinese teacher (referring to Sichuan earthquake): They had a saying after the earthquake happened that originates from a male part. "People are supposed to rise up, and get hard!" …and be strong. –Bard High School Early College Math teacher: Give me your little men! –Spence School English teacher: I could be charged with child abuse in some states for teaching grammar in 90-degree weather. (student is silent) I'm not going to hit you. –Brooklyn Tech Overheard by: Julie
Haggard 40-something guy to girl passing by: Mmm-hmmm! That's the way I like 'em. Tiny and nice and tight. Look at that body, damn. Mmm-hmm. Hey, girl! Hey, gorgeous, how old are you?
Annoyed girl: I'm 14.
Haggard #40-something guy: Damn! That'll get me 25 years… Damn! –3rd St, Havemeyer Overheard by: One of 8 who witnessed this
Airline employee #1: No, they wanted a rabbi who could dance…
Airline employee #2: I think he's a pedophile. –JFK Terminal 8 Overheard by: lupos
Angry male #1: She's sixteen years old, you fuck! Sixteen!
Angry male #2: Well, I didn't know that!
Female: I told you last night! –3rd Ave & 11th St Overheard by: heard this from the 8th floor
Suit: That's why I can't help but love New York. New York is like the sick uncle that touches you when no ones around. –Grand Central Terminal Girl, after passing a tourist bumping into her: In New York we say "excuse me!" –Macy's, Herald Square Overheard by: The City Planner Guy to friend: Are we in the inner city or just the city? –1st Ave & 6th St Dude walking out of Penn station: You know what's great about going out in New York City? You can get completely bombed and it's no big deal, because you'll probably never see those people again, you know? –Penn Station Overheard by: BPV Aussie: The key to this city is to use words like "shitter." –96th & Columbus Ave
Subway girl in Halloween costume: I was thinking about going as Rosie the Riveter, but, like, girly Rosie the Riveter. In shorts. –A Train Trying-to-be-hip mom: What are vampires wearing this season? –Halloween Adventure Group of kids in costume, chanting: We want more candy! We want more candy! No more apples! No more apples! –35th Ave & 29th St, Astoria Overheard by: kathcom Man dressed up as Michael Jackson on Halloween: I'm the King of pop, man! I'll touch your children! I'll hang your baby off a balcony! –Downtown 6 Train Late-night Halloween-reveler man with dirty cotton beard: I'm Santa. I'm drunk and I'm angry. Fuck balls. Reindeer balls. –Downtown 6 train Guy dressed as Billy Mays, in loud infomercial voice: Billy Mays here! Sick and tired of waiting for NJ Transit? Next time, drive! For the low, low price of $20 per toll! Just $4.69 per gallon! –NJ Transit Overheard by: J. Ra Old man to another, about Halloween: I love young girls who dress up like pussies. –Soho Overheard by: Edan