Archive for the ‘Rumor Has It’ Category

We're All Nine Meals Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya' hear now Obama's president they gonna tear down the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o' Aunt Jemima!" –Shuttle Train GCT Overheard by: Mrs. Butterworth Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I'd have a hundred million dollars! –Henry St, Brooklyn Heights Overheard by: Jesse Hobo to clerk: Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of the Gaza Strip. –Deli, 45th & 3rd Overheard by: LP Hobo to girl with boxing gloves attached to her backpack: Hi, there! Give a little money to help the homeless? (silence) I'll take anything but a punch in the face! –Astor & Lafayette Overheard by: Andi C. Shouting hobo: The family that scratches their butts together has smelly fingers! –34th St & 3rd Ave Overheard by: Kramer Hobo crossing street and pushing shopping cart: Hi ho Silver! –23rd St & Park Ave

Wednesday One-liners

A chick pushing an old woman in a wheelchair says: Just let me know when you get tired of walking. –59th & 3rd Overheard by: Christopher Queer: I can’t believe she said I was a liar. Sure I make random stuff up, but I’m not a liar. –West 4th & broadway Overheard by: MrRobinson Hobo: All right fine, you win, I guess I do wish they were shitty pilots. –6th Avenue & 9th Street

The Gentlemen Callers of Wednesday One-Liners

Hipster chick: … And I was like, ‘I want a boyfriend!’ and God was like, ‘Hello!’ –43rd & 6th Lady on cell: You’ll have to get a Hispanic boyfriend. Or someone ethnic… Go out with the Jew! –49th & 8th Bus driver: No phones on the bus. I don’t care if you got problems with your mother, or your brother, or girlfriend got a problem with boyfriend, or boyfriend got a problem with girlfriend, or girlfriend-girlfriend, or boyfriend-boyfriend, or just you got a sad, pathetic life, because other passengers do not like to hear those things. And if you sleep, leave your shoes on — people take their shoes off, it smells like fish market. –Port Authority, Greyhound to Philadelphia Ghetto girl: This weekend I found out that my boyfriend had a wife, and my dad got hit on by another man. –6 train 20-ish chick: Remember when I used to call my fuck-buddy the ‘I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter’ of boyfriends? –Apartment party, 113th & Broadway Overheard by: Ladle Lady on cell: Did you see that girl’s butt today?! Did you see her butt?! Ewww! It was like my boyfriend’s! –John St

“I Said Coffee!”

Cashier #1: I felt so bad. She was trying to be so nice to her, but this woman was just horrible.
Cashier #2: What happened?
Cashier #1: She asked her if she wanted a vente mocha frappacino–she was even smiling and stuff when she asked–and then the woman got all mad and said, “Look it, I don’t speak Italian.” –Starbucks, Astor Place

Wednesday O-o-o-oooo-One-Liners

Skinny Spanish girl: That nigga was saying how he had me moaning and screaming, but I was like, "nigga, I'm just loud–that doesn't mean you're good!" –Ft. Hamilton Parkway, Brooklyn Overheard by: also loud Ghetto chick to friend: Yo…in my country, it's illegal to not please your woman. You gotta fuck her till she begs you to stop. –116th & 1st Overheard by: DonnaRae Man on phone: Yeah…I just fingerblasted her for like an hour. No big deal. –E 4th St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: intern2 Mom to teenage son: And I was like "sure, have sex in my bed, it never sees any." –Mercer & W 3rd Girl on cell: Oh no, he's back fucking his secretary now, so I'm like, completely free! –East Village 20-something on cell, after loud graphic sex tale: And don't you be telling anyone! I don't like strangers knowing my business. –Express Bus to Brooklyn

Open-Toed Sandals Don’t Make ‘Em Cream Like They Used To

Hot straight guy #1: Geez, what size shoes do you wear, dude?
Hot straight guy #2: They’re size fourteen.
Hot straight guy #1: And how tall are you?
Hot straight guy #2: Oh, I’m 6’1″.
Hot straight guy #1: Damn, dude — you must have a huge cock!
Queer: Dude…
Hot straight guy #2: Man, I thought you were gonna say what I always hear — ‘Dude, big feet — you know what that means? Big shoes!’ I hear that all the time.
Hot straight guy #1: I know, right?
Hot straight guy #2: I like to say, ‘Yeah, it means a big cock, right?’ but that always leads to an awkward silence. I applaud you for coming right out with that.
Queer: Um…
Hot straight guy #1: Yeah, I left my shoes at my girlfriend’s the other day, and her mom made a comment on them — ‘Big shoes…’ I mean, her mom!
Hot straight guy #2: That’s crazy.
Queer: Guys, look — unless you’re gonna whip ’em out, can we stop talking about your gigantic cocks, please? –1166 6th Ave Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster