Archive for the ‘Rumor Has It’ Category

We're All Nine Meals Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya' hear now Obama's president they gonna tear down the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o' Aunt Jemima!"

–Shuttle Train GCT

Overheard by: Mrs. Butterworth

Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I'd have a hundred million dollars!

–Henry St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Jesse

Hobo to clerk: Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of the Gaza Strip.

–Deli, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: LP

Hobo to girl with boxing gloves attached to her backpack: Hi, there! Give a little money to help the homeless? (silence) I'll take anything but a punch in the face!

–Astor & Lafayette

Overheard by: Andi C.

Shouting hobo: The family that scratches their butts together has smelly fingers!

–34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Kramer

Hobo crossing street and pushing shopping cart: Hi ho Silver!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Which Is Why Your Nickname Is “Puck”

Gay guy with lisp: I heard Mark, you know, the fat kid? I heard he slept with the hockey team.
Blonde girl: Funny thing is…we don't have sports teams at Marymount.
Gay guy with lisp: Oh my god! Are you cereal? I was lied to? The queen of gossip is never lied to. Ugh!
Blonde: Don't talk to me… You just said “cereal” in place of “serious.”
Gay guy with lisp: Whatever, I'll tell everyone it was you that slept with the hockey team.

–Marymount Manhattan College

He Was Surprisingly Affectionate

Hipster guy: Yo! My girlfriend gave me a hickey, and now there’s a rumor that I got into a fight with a black kid.
Friend: Dude!

–Edward Murrow High School

Headline by: Justin

Runners-Up:
· “Oh Please! If That Were True You’d Have a Stab-wound, Not a Hickey.” – nosey nafia
· “Shouldn’t Have Let Her Hickey Your Eye, I Guess.” – Internev
· “That’s Funny, I’d Heard Something About a Vacuum Cleaner” – Marv in DC
· “Well, She Does Look Like Gary Coleman.” – stevevc


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Open-Toed Sandals Don’t Make ‘Em Cream Like They Used To

Hot straight guy #1: Geez, what size shoes do you wear, dude?
Hot straight guy #2: They’re size fourteen.
Hot straight guy #1: And how tall are you?
Hot straight guy #2: Oh, I’m 6’1″.
Hot straight guy #1: Damn, dude — you must have a huge cock!
Queer: Dude…
Hot straight guy #2: Man, I thought you were gonna say what I always hear — ‘Dude, big feet — you know what that means? Big shoes!’ I hear that all the time.
Hot straight guy #1: I know, right?
Hot straight guy #2: I like to say, ‘Yeah, it means a big cock, right?’ but that always leads to an awkward silence. I applaud you for coming right out with that.
Queer: Um…
Hot straight guy #1: Yeah, I left my shoes at my girlfriend’s the other day, and her mom made a comment on them — ‘Big shoes…’ I mean, her mom!
Hot straight guy #2: That’s crazy.
Queer: Guys, look — unless you’re gonna whip ‘em out, can we stop talking about your gigantic cocks, please?

–1166 6th Ave

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

… Until His Parents Died

Girl #1: Remember that one guy I dated? He was one of those people that said weird things like, ‘I’m gonna get really rich when my parents die.’
Girl #2: … Is that supposed to impress you?
Girl #3: I dunno, but he was an asshole.

–The Knitting Factory, 74 Leonard St

Overheard by: Hana

Thanks, Brainiac — Now We’ll Never Know What His Cock Was Like

Blonde sex addict: I mean, I met him at my AA meeting. That’s truly what kept me going there.
Brunette sex addict: Hey, whatever keeps you in the program.
Blonde sex addict: Yeah, but after we made love the third time, I just knew he was a survivor of incest, and since I am a survivor I can just tell. I mean, he didn’t tell me or anything, but I knew.
Brunette sex addict: Oh… But was the sex good?
Blonde sex addict: Ohhh, yeah. I mean, it was hot — since we are both addicts. I mean, his cock was sooo–
Father with four young kids, interrupting: –Stop! Have you people no souls?!
Blonde sex addict: … So, yeah — I’ll be at the meeting Friday and Monday, too…

–1 train, after a Sexaholics Anonymous meeting