Archive for the ‘Scents of the City’ Category

Well, It Is the Number Two Train

(a very obnoxious, lingering fart was dropped and filled the entire car during rush hour)
Teen girl to friend: Ohmigod! Let’s get out of here, it smells like shit!
Old man, five minutes later: What’s the matter with you fucking people? Somebody open up a god damned window! –2 Train

Do They Make a Glade Plug-In for Wednesday One-Liners?

Little girl, running along platform: Mommy! Mommy! Slow down! Mommy, it smells like penis in here! –Grand Central Girl to another: Do you have a hand wipe? I totally smell like rape right now. –44th St & Broadway Guy to friend: She said I smelled like shit and I said, "what like, asshole?" –59th St & Lexington Girl on phone: Your hands smell like what? Your hands smell like urine? Why would you say that? –Brooklyn College Hobo on overcrowded train: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Homeless Ed, and I am homeless, and I smell like shit. If any of you can spare some change so I can buy some deodorant, it would be greatly appreciated. –Downtown A Train Overheard by: christopher james Female grad student on cell: Have you ever done the inter-borough walk of shame smelling like penis? –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Conductor: This is East Broadway station, and something smells yummy. –F Train

Wednesday One-Liners in Smell-O-Vision

Hipster girl: I’d rather face the stigma of buying feminine hygiene products than face the stigma of having a stinky hoo-ha. –13th St & 5th Ave Overheard by: agreed Girl: Remember Diana? Stinky Diana? She’s back, and she’s getting married. –West 47th & 8th Ave Overheard by: Peter G Chick: If I’m going to play beer pong, I need to be fragrant. –Sammy’s, 11th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: McF Little boy to dad: I don’t want to go to Africa! I don’t want to smell the camels! –5th Ave & Park Pl, Park Slope Voice on intercom: The Children’s Section is closed due to… that smell. –NY Public Library, East 96th St Overheard by: Diane Chick: So, did you smell your toilet paper? –MoMA cafe Overheard by: Sweettart

Wednesday One-Liners Are Enough to Gag a Maggot

Nurse to hobo next to her: Aw, hell no! You fucking stink! [She pulls out a can of air freshener and hoses him down.] –A train Asian kid to another: It’s hard and watery, and if my pockets reek of ass, I’ma kill you! –D train, Brooklyn Overheard by: sitting behind them Little boy: Now I know why it smells like urine everywhere! –Central Park Man: It smells like an STD in here. –E train Irish lad: A man’s baseball cap should always stink a wee bit. –U-Haul rental place, Broadway Overheard by: Kerry