Archive for the ‘School and studying’ Category

How Darwin Got Everyone to Accept His Theory

Father to teenage daughter: Oh, well…the party was in Queens.
Daughter: Fuck Queens!
Father, quickly checking calendar on cell phone: Not on Gay Pride Day, honey.
Daughter: Haha! Hang on, I'm going to write that down. I'll use it in a story for my creative writing class!
Father: Oh, don't write it down…it's not even funny. And always remember…if you want your story to be funny, just put in a monkey. It always works for me!
Daughter: Didn't you novel get bad reviews, though? They said it wasn't funny at all.
Father: Well, obviously, I should have written in several more monkeys. –Tompkins Square Park

Wednesday One-liners Think They’re All That

Guy on cell: She goes to school in Pittsburgh. She’s second rate. We go to school in New York. We know who we are. –Astor Place Guy on cell: No, no. We only look down on people we’re helping. –Broadway & Fulton Wet dude: I should not have to walk in the rain! I am a very important person! –71st Rd & Queens Blvd, Forest Hills

Wednesday Will Go Nazarene on Your One-Liners

Black woman: Sixteen dollars? That paper better be made out of Jesus's ass. –Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Emily B. 40-something to friends: And what's going on with the fucking baby Jesus over there? –Starbucks Guy on cell: In my class, we were talking about how Jesus was a Viking warrior. –Queens College Woman, about Matt Lauer and Katie Couric: See, this is why Jesus Christ and the Pharisees didn't get along. –22nd St & Park Ave Overheard by: Rachel Peters Woman on phone on the night before Easter: No, I do not want you at my house right now. (pause) I'm going home to watch The Ten Commandments and read my bible–Jesus is coming back tomorrow! –B44 Bus Overheard by: Micah Drunk high school girl: If Jesus had discovered a cure for dry mouth, he'd be a lot more popular! –Union Square Overheard by: Smudge

Hey, I Saw the Crude Sketches in the Boys' Restroom Way Before That

(class is watching a science video)
Scientist in the video: The problem with the big bang is that we know nothing about it. We don't when it banged, why it banged, how it banged, what exactly was being banged…
(entire class laughs)
Smart-ass student: See, when a man loves a woman…
Smarter-ass student: Please, as if you didn't just learn that last year in bio! –Stuyvesant High School

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Hoboner

Hobo: I am homeless and ashy. Can anyone spare some lotion? I want to go from ashy to classy. –A Train Overheard by: SBroto Hobo: If looks could kill I'd be dead. Kind words don't hurt nobody. I give sandwiches. –Shuttle to Grand Central Overheard by: alan b hutscar Panhandler, holding top hat overflowing with bills: And take your newspapers and personal belongings with you, I got company comin' over tonight! –4 Train Overheard by: Anthony LoDuca Hobo: You think anyone ever went to Harvard and forgot about it? –Central Park Hobo, near no tripping hazards or holes: Watch your step! Don't fall! Look where you're going! Don't fall down! –4th & Broadway Singing hobo: I'm gonna be on Broadway! You're all invited! I don't care what you look like. Even you! (points to random man) –1 Train

Wednesday One-Liners Refer to 110th Street As ‘Downtown’

Exchange student: I was just telling him how to use a Post-it. –Columbia 20-ish male: Actually, global warming is only going to benefit New York City. –Columbia Overheard by: martina m. Chick: I am not eating somewhere with a misplaced apostrophe in its menu. –Columbia Overheard by: Ladle Young Columbia student: Yeah, so all of a sudden I was walking home drunk, in a diaper, with a huge scar. –1 train Columbia grad student: … And if you ask him he’ll say, ‘I’m making money for the school! I’m making money for the school! I do drugs! I do drugs!’ –1 train Student to another: As for the article, I don’t care about the truth of my argument. I care about people knowing how big my penis is. –Columbia Conductor: This is 116th Street, Columbia University. Good luck paying your tuition. –116th St Overheard by: Sam

One Liners from the Legitimate Wednesday

Student, about her play: I want the audience to enter through the vagina before they sit down. –NYU Guy to younger girl, at intermission of Spring Awakening, right after sex scene: So you had to choose this? We couldn't have gone to see The Little Mermaid? –Eugene O'Neill Theatre College student: …exactly how you'd expect a college rendition of The Vagina Monologues to go. –NYU Black guy on cell: It doesn't mean I'm gay because I'm going to see a play. (pause) It's for a class… There's nothing wrong with wanting to see a play. –Union Square Overheard by: erkala 20-something guy to friend: Picture it; Fishsticks: the musicical! –63rd St & Broadway