Guy: Yeah, they say that now in France they’re banning Muslim women from wearing overalls. –Hunter College Overheard by: H. Chan Black woman on cell: …and then she says to me “I like that song!” and I go, “Yeah, well I like fish and avocado peels.” –Port Authority Overheard by: Fernando Taveras Guy: If you was dead, then you’d know what I’m talkin’ ’bout. –J train
Grade school girl #1: Why are you so upset?
Grade school girl #2: People at school think I like three boys! Do you know what that does to my reputation?!
–Outside the elementary school, 76th St
Student #1, handing over essay: Here, read my paper.
Student #2: Oh my god, is that blood?!
Student #1: No that's… (pause) Oh, no, wait… Yeah, that is blood.
(after 20 minute discussion)
Kindergartener: What are we talking about?
Kindergarten teacher: Where have you been all day?
Kindergartener (shrugging) school.
Senior girl #1: So, what is that ‘Derfer’ thing I keep seeing all those signs about?
Senior girl #2: What?
Senior girl #1: You know, Derfer — D-A-R-F-U-R
Senior girl #2: Dare-fyore? Hmmm, I don’t know.
Senior girl #1: Whatever. Anyways…
–Townsend Harris High
Second grade boy #1: When we get to be 10 years old we’re gonna grow hair in our armpits!
Second grade boy #2: Oh, yeah, that’s true — it happened to my brother!
Overheard by: sit down and eat your lunch
Fat girl: Is it here? You know — that bitch.
Friend: No, I don’t see her. You know she says nice things about you, right?
Fat girl: Well, you can tell her to suck my big fat cock.
–Outside Bronx High School of Science
HS teacher with PhD, looking in stereo microscope at spores: Oh no, you won’t be able to see the hermaphrodites fully, they’re not sexually mature yet. [Dances around.]
Student: Umm… Okay.
HS teacher with PhD, clapping hands: What you’ve got there is some sexually frustrated spores [keeps dancing, moves to next station, fiddles around with knobs] Ooh, ooh, your spores haven’t come yet, but they’ll look like mittens when they do.
[Student bursts into muffled laughing.]
HS teacher with PhD: I know, aren’t spores fascinating? Are you laughing at my dancing?… Because biology just gets me so excited!
–Notre Dame Academy H.S., Staten Island
Twin girl #A: Yeah, she said she was going to do the school year here.
Unique girl: She came from Kentucky? Why did she come so far?
Twin girl #B: Louisiana is a state. Kentucky is another state.
Unique girl: Oh, well why’d she come to New York? Couldn’t she stay in her house in Louisiana?
Twin girl #A: Um, no, a hurricane hit New Orleans. That’s why she’s here.
Unique girl: Right, right. I forgot about that. –Kew Gardens station
Professor guy: What is “piecemeal legislation”?
Professor guy: Well, define the term “piecemeal”.
Dude: I’m not familiar with that word.
Professor guy: …Why don’t I just commit suicide right now? –NYU, University & 8th Overheard by: Leah Beirne