Archive for the ‘Science’ Category

There's a Wednesday One-Liner in My Hair! Get It Out! Get It Out!

Guy: I don't think bees even have vaginas.

–23rd & 3rd

Suit to another: I want him scrutinized. At a gnat's ass level!

–Midtown Office

Middle school thug: I been radioactivatin' spiders in my kitchen.

–C Train

Overheard by: Emily B.

Mother to five-year-old boy: No, you can't buy grandma a plastic spider for Christmas!

–74th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane's Husband

Guy on cell: Hey, did I tell you I got drunk last night and ordered 1,500 ladybugs off the internet?

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ashley

Vanity, Thy Name Is Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: And I was like, "He bleaches his asshole, what does he know about anatomy?"

–Pratt Institute, Brooklyn

Seven-year-old girl to boy throwing mud at her: Watch it, Jakob! I wore eyeliner today!

–Fort Greene Park, Brooklyn

Very large woman on cell: It's called "Brazilian wax job." You only have to do it like every two weeks. Yep, it itches for a day or two, but it's worth every penny.

–PATH

Overheard by: Corey

Young lady with long curly hair to girlfriend: So, I started drying my hair with paper towels recently.

–Montague St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: E-Man>Master of the UNIVERSE!

Outraged feminine gay guy to another: He's having his lips redone… again!

–8th Ave & 20th St, Chelsea

Overheard by: Evan

Woman on cell: Girl, I don't understand why you gotta put on all that makeup just to go for a colonic!

–Washington Heights

Just Wait ‘Til We Get to the Fungus Unit and I Give You All Lapdances!

HS teacher with PhD, looking in stereo microscope at spores: Oh no, you won’t be able to see the hermaphrodites fully, they’re not sexually mature yet. [Dances around.]
Student: Umm… Okay.
HS teacher with PhD, clapping hands: What you’ve got there is some sexually frustrated spores [keeps dancing, moves to next station, fiddles around with knobs] Ooh, ooh, your spores haven’t come yet, but they’ll look like mittens when they do.
[Student bursts into muffled laughing.]
HS teacher with PhD
: I know, aren’t spores fascinating? Are you laughing at my dancing?… Because biology just gets me so excited!


–Notre Dame Academy H.S., Staten Island

Wednesday One-Liners Start a Love Train

Student: I just always assumed everyone’s love of integrals.

–John Jay Hall, Columbia

Dude: I had her up against the wall and was all like, ‘Jimmy cracked corn,’ and shit. She was lovin’ it.

–A train, 42nd St

Overheard by: Ilyse

Man: I did scream, ‘I love you Lindsay Lohan!’ when I saw her at the costume thing, but that’s just ’cause everyone else was.

–20th & 5th

Man on cell: No, not that Jim. The Jim who loves acid and foie gras.

–Metropolitan & Union, Brooklyn

Overheard by: liza

Conductor: I know you’ve heard of the love boat. Well, this is the love train.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: Mark Schilsky

Guy to girlfriend at table of friends: You just love my average-sized cock!

–3rd & 2nd

Overheard by: Chuckles

Should We Do That for Our Science Fair Project?

Teen girl: My dad told me that pee was nutritious.
Friend: Oh? Pee's only like 95% water and 5% waste. I don't think there's any nutrition in it.
Teen girl: Oh.
(a few minutes later)
Teen girl
: Do you think pee would taste like sugar if all you ate were sugar and water?

Friend: Then wouldn't the pee be like 95% water and 5% sugar?

–6 Train