Guy: Make your own ammonium nitrate! Ask me how! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Tommy Raiko
Archive for the ‘Science’ Category
He Meant Auto-fellated
Girl: “Teleported.” That’s what he said.
Boy: What?
Girl: You know, teleporting.
Boy: Oh, okay, yeah.
Girl: He said he teleported himself, but it turned out he was lying!
Boy: Really?
–6 Train
Overheard by: Mary Phillips-Sandy
Tunneldumb and Tunneldumber
Lesbian #1: The G train always takes so long between stops, especially since it’s not going in a tunnel.
Lesbian #2: But it does go through a tunnel.
Lesbian #1: Yeah, but I mean a tunnel under water.
Lesbian #2: Oh, yeah, okay, it’s not going under water.
Lesbian #1: I always wondered how they make those tunnels.
Lesbian #2: They have one of those machines, that goes in circles.
Lesbian #1: Oh, okay…
Lesbian #2: You know, the one that goes in circles really quickly?
Lesbian #1: Yeah… [Pause] But when they build the tunnel in the water, does it go in the water, or under the water?
Lesbian #2: Under the water.
Lesbian #1: Oh, right.
–G train
One-Eyed, One-Horned Flying Wednesday One-Linereaters
Guy: …and then I'd be a cyborg.
–Soho
Overheard by: Nicole Q
Man on cell: But wouldn't that make you a vampire?
–45th St
Crazy guy, returning after briefly exiting car: I tried to make it to the end of the train, but I was blocked by a teenage werewolf. I have encountered them before, but never outside Brooklyn.
–6 Train
Overheard by: Canucking Futs
Guy on phone: In your next life, you're gonna come back as a vampire.
–Williamsburg
Dude, marveling to another on train: Damn, son, you look like Godzilla with a fade.
–Q Train
Hipster waiter: The fucking gnome took my remote control. The one thing in the world that I love. I told him, "you can take anything except the remote control." And sure enough, he took the fucking remote control.
–Restaurant, Williamsburg
As Demonstrated by That Hobo Over There.
Guy: I guess that's just the science of diarrhea…
Girl: (nods)
–N Train
That's What You Said at the Neanderthal Exhibit!
Little Asian boy, reading sign: “Asian mammals”
Asian boy's father: That's you, Audrey!
–American Museum of Natural History
Good Thing Shachi's Delivers
Dude #1: How much energy could you create yourself, powering a small turbine? Like, if you jumped on a bicycle?
Dude #2: Enough to turn on a light bulb.
Dude #3: But you have to use up energy to create energy. Like, your body would use food energy. It's just not energy-efficient.
–Restaurant, Brooklyn
Or It's That LSD Tab We Just Split
Southern tourist boy: Mommy! Look at the tops of the tall buildings… It looks like the clouds are standing still and the buildings are moving!
Mom: That's because the earth is turning so quickly, sweetie.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Bill O.
Wednesday One-Liners Don't Always Add Up
Conductor: We have eleven cars today. If we only have five cars tomorrow, don't have short term memory loss and say, "five cars, this happens all the time."
–Metro North
Hot dog vendor to guys standing behind stand: 100 times I've fucked, and have 98 kids.
–Outside Metropolitan Museum of Art
Teen hipster girl to friend : On a scale of one to ten, how many cars are coming?
–33rd St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Erika
Angry man on cell: Don't talk to me like that! I'll leave you! I will leave you! You know how many women there are in this world? (pause) A thousand!
–45th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Native Ear
Mattel's “Fuck Math” Barbie Has Been Wildly Successful
Little boy to sister: What's the perimeter of a rectangle?
Sister: Big foot!!
–Union Square
Overheard by: Bruce Lee